How to cope with bragging parent.

[pongonperdy]

A friend of mine has a DD in the year above mone at the same primary school. Everytime i see her she tells me what amazing thing her aughter has done. Brilliantvat reading, praise from the teacher, winning a race, excelling at swimming etcetc.

Iam sure she is just proud but i cant stand it. I have no inclinatipn to tell her or anyone apart from grandparent etc how my child is doing.

How do i deal with it without either starting to compete woth said bragging or loosing my rag.

I think it depends if it's boasting or just general catch up. I chat about lots of things with my close friend. We also discuss kids strengths and weaknesses in a realistic straight forward way. For example 'DS was chuffed he got the class reward for maths today but then the teacher asked me to do some extra english with him at home'. I love to hear about her kids blossoming and we help each other out on the english front

Oh dear, my SIL regularly sends email bulletins to a large list of friends of family announcing her children's recent achievements. I either ignore them or reply saying 'well done X' depending on whether I'm having a good day or not. It used to annoy me greatly but now it washes over me, and dh and I know that our own dc are fantastic and never feel the need to share that fact with anyone else.

One of my friends has a dd a year younger than mine and everytime I see her she asks how dd is doing only to follow up by telling me her dd can do that/is really good at that/didn't have any problems with that etc etc. It's like she needs her dd to be a step ahead of mine despite hers being a year younger.

She's also very tactless, bragging about her dc when others are talking about problems or worries they have about theirs.

It's infuriating but I just smile and nod and try to change the subject asap to avoid getting drawn into any competitive parenting

pongonperdy, I think I would cope with it. What I really do not like when people moan about their incapabilities or their childrens' and in fact just telling lies. They would moan they kid is very bad in this and that and in fact it is not. You might say people lie to me because I am being too noisy but no, it is the way some parents talk about themselves or their kids. I believe they think if they tell lies then I or someone else would not feel envious but it is just sad.

Yes I think it’s best to say nothing at all to other mums about how fabulous you think your child is. It only makes that child’s mother feel good, nobody else. It’s a secret way of bragging about yourself. ‘Look at what a wonderful child have produced!’ Perhaps reserve praise for the grandparents or for people who want to hear it. No other parents truly does want to hear others bragging.

Personally I love hearing my friends kids are doing well and am always so excited for them. I’ve know them all since they were born though so I genuinely care about them and genuinely want to know.

If you aren’t emotionally invested in your friends’ children I guess it might feel competitive but honestly that’s kind of sad on all accounts...

I have a friend who does this on Facebook. All the time. Her DD has won this price for achievement, her DS has won a rugby prize, look how good they are at this activity, look at these exam results....one that made me particularly giggle was that she put up a random post about research that shows how children inherit their mother's brains not their father's (just after her daughter's good GCSE results) - therefore managing a double brag for her and daughter in one whammy.
It's easier on Facebook to just 'smile and wave' by clicking 'like' meanwhile chuckling to yourself. With this friend I don't think it is insecurity - either she genuinely thinks she and her children are better than everyone else, or else she is missing a gene in knowing how people might react to the almost constant bragging. TBH she was like this at school too, always talking up her own achievement over ours, but she hasn't achieved anything more than anyone else so its just a case of accepting her as she is (and knowing that I am just as flawed and no doubt winding her up in other ways that I don't realise!)

I wouldn't worry about her saying that sort of thing to me, I would listen and smile, be pleased for her etc, but I would be embarrassed if she carried on in that way to all and sundry because I have witnessed how unpleasant people can be behind backs. I would not want that for my friend.

However there is nothing you can do about it except maybe lead by example. Don't go on and on about your children's achievements, be quietly pleased instead. That is the way to be I think. She might look at you, think you are dignified and try to emulate you.

On the other hand she might not :-).

I used to say nothing at all about mine unless it was something funny.

Maybe this lady is just sharing her enthusiasm about her kid and how they are doing rather than it being bragging. She's not trying to put you or yours down. She probably doesn't realise how it comes across to you. I'm always happy and interested to know how my friend's kids are getting on. If they are doing well - and that means different things for different people - then that's great.

You guys know this is a zombie thread that's nearly a decade old, right? :o

Original post: Thu 10-Mar-11

wait and your time will come. I have a friend like this she was like it all through the children being at primary and secondary. When they moved to secondary she bragged about how her son was the only one in top sets from the primary school her son had come from, along with my son who she always looked down on. I bit my tongue many times. They both finished sixth form this summer. Her son barely passed his A levels and is now working in a supermarket, mine got AAA* and is now at Cambridge. It speaks for itself.