Is this par for the course with junior level football?

[IngridBergmann]

Excuse me if I'm being petty about this but never having done footy at school myself, I don't know the ropes.

Our school has a club for some year groups. Ds started going last year (yr2) and enjoyed it, though wasn't particularly good at it.

Some of the kids are quite good but no one is brilliant as they are all just kids - and some are fairly bad!

Anyway he was asked to play in a match last summer, so we turned up early, all set, my parents in tow. There were a couple of latecomers, and rather than start the game with those we had, the coach decided to wait for them and leave ds out on the sidelines, all keyed up and ready to play but apparently the ones that were late were better than him

He was upset and confused. We waited patiently and by half time still no joy though even the younger bro of one of his mates was allowed on. We had no idea what to say to ds.

At some point during the second half, he was finally sent on to play - for approximately seven minutes, then he was substituted again.

I was really upset about it and he was upset too, (I tried to hide it and so did he!) and after that he kind of wasn't interested in playing any more so stopped going to the after school practise.

Anyway, a little while before half term, he was invited to join again by the coach, but I said he was no longer interested, thanks all the same. During half term he decided he'd like to play again so when we went back I asked the coach's wife if it was Ok - she seemed really pleased and said that would be great. She said there's a match on Friday - can you bring him during the day as we need parents to drive them there, so I said that would be fine and arranged to take him and stay the afternoon there.

Today was football practise so he went along, and then after it the coach called to me and said that he isn't wanted at the match on Friday. He wouldn't explain why. I presume it's the same again - ds just isn't that good. But loads of them aren't that good. I don't think he is particularly lacking - it's not like he ruins the game or anything. He's just a bit reticent in going after the ball.

So we went home (I'd already offered one of the other kids a lift via their mum, so will have to renege on that now) and on the way, ds told me that the other kids had told him at lunchtime that they didn't want him in the match, as he would 'let them all down'

I don't think they were saying this by themselves - the wording sounded like an adult had said it and they were copying. But I don't know who.

I just feel so angry on behalf of ds - I tried to make a joke out of it and tell him how good he is at other stuff, but the unfairness of it, leaving out a little kid who shows commitment, turns up on time, and just wants to learn the game, seems really harsh.

Is this normal? I want to tell the coach to stick his 'friendly' match in a few weeks that he graciously might allow ds to play in. But I know they don't really care if we are in it or not.

Sorry I just need to vent. They are 7 FGS. It's hardly the world cup.

Another vote for rugby here! My son was rubbish at football and was only ever allowed to play in goal... until he discovered rugby! The philosophy at his club has always been 'fair play' and if you turn up you'll always be given a chance to play. It's often wet & cold but the other parents are often good company, including the parents of other teams. My daughter has just started playing tag rugby too and loves it.

Meant to post on this before but computer crashed...

Wanted to say that Op's situation does seem to have been badly handled by school.

But not all footie clubs are horrid. I coach a junior football team and our policy, and AFAIK that of the whole club, is to encourage young players to join and take part, regardless of ability.

My team are U8s so yr 3, it's stil development (ie non competitive, freindly matches, no scores kept or leagues). Yes, we do like to win and so do they, but tbh I am really really happy with how well they have played and how much they have developed this season. That's a lot more important to me atm than the result.

And yes, we give everyone, good or weaker, an equal run out. I often sub the best player on the pitch off - because it's his turn, and the weaker player next to me is just as keen and could probably use the practice, eh?

BTW I am not a dad, and our dads (and mums) are very good about being supportive and positive to the whole team. Maybe I am just lucky.

one local team was run the way you describe, OP.

another team was run where the coach asked for commitment from the elite group and only had certain kids in the regular squad; there were 2 weekly practices & fornightly games in the league. Anyone could come to Thurs night practice and might get invited to a Sunday game as an understood sub, but Tuesday was the team members only; who were expected to turn up at the weekend game unless they were on their death beds. Because the coach didn't want to mess kids about like you describe.

I am so glad that DSs have never gotten into football!

I don't understand what it is about football but yes, sounds par for the course. Interestingly it is exactly the same now we have moved to Australia. Rugby, as the others have said, is the way to go - inclusive, supportive and there is room for all shapes/sizes/speeds in rugby. You know the old saying "rugby is a thugs' game played by gentlemen and football is a gentleman's game played by thugs". In eleven years of having boys play sport I haven't found it wrong yet

Vicky - you are hilarious!! and sooo spot on with your observations! My two DS age 8 and 5, bless 'em, are never gonna be Wayne Rooneys (thank Christ) but they really wanted to be a part of a local club, boy did we get a shock! Screeching, red-faced,middle aged men,Phil Mitchell style, selecting their kids and closest friends blatantly as 'First Team Regulars' and some poor kids NEVER got a look in. Swearing parents on the touchline (or whatever it's called..sorry, no idea!) negativity,and quite frankly insults directed at kids as young as 5. Don't get me wrong, we are a 'healthily competetive' family, and always want the boys to try hard, but we jumped ship to mini rugby as well. Best move ever. Why oh why people put up with such a horrid atmosphere for their kids, I will never know. Just don't go.

My DH is involved in the football industry and has been adamant that he won't let DS play in competitive matches until he's much older (he's 8) for reasons like this. Many coaches (and parents) take it VERY seriously and DH says it's just not on for young children to be treated in this way; it could put them off for life and they may well develop into much better players when they're older if they start a bit later.

Like you, I have no experience of football, but I'm happy to go along with this. Fortunately DS is happy to just kick around with mates and hasn't shown any signs of wanting to join a team/do regular practice etc.

Feel very sorry for your poor DS - it's really mean. I'd find a different sport to be involved in, where it doesn't matter how good or bad you are.

another here to 2nd mini rugby - much more pleasant set of parents and kids and a lot more inclusive - also try athletics - track and field has so many choices there is always something you can be good at, and as an individual sport you can work towards your own attainable targets

Clary
Unfortunately football clubs are not always run by the school. They are connected to the school (e.g. are named as the school's team as the players go to that school) and often use school pitches, but are run by volunteers not school staff. They are usually on Saturdays and teachers are not on the premises to monitor the situation. If anyone has concerns they should talk to the club initially, and if they are still concerned the head. We've had issues and the head has spoken to the coach, but other than safety / child protection thee head has limited power over the coaches.

A lot of what people are describing here goes totally against the grain of what the Football Association are trying to do with gras roots football. First and foremost it is meant to be fun.

My lad is 5 and goes to a local club for training. he will not start playing games until he is 6. The coaches are brilliant. They make it really fun and teach ball skills with some great games. The lads always play a lottle match at the end and each week someone gets the 'player of the week' trophy. The kids don't know, but I keep a list of everyone who receives it and we make sure everyone gets it in turn. The coaches give the kids lots of prasie, but also make sure they are not messing about.

We have a parent safeguarding officer (which is me) and I make sure everyone is looking after the welfare of the kids and I encourage all the parents to support all the kids. I have had one new parent recently who's 4 year old has just started and he spent the first 2 weeks shouting at his tiny 4 year old to get stuck in. I had to have a quiet word and explain that at this age it is about fun and not shouting at the kids and that he needed to let his lad just get on with it.

My lad is quite good and gets upset when the others don't play as well or don't realise that they have to pass the ball. He moaned last week that they don't use the off-side rule. We have had a few discussions about not everyone understanding the rules of the game at the age of 5 and that it is all about having fun.

If you have a coach at your club or school that you feel is not being fair or not making the whole experience fun, then the F.A. have people at a local level that you can speak to.

Alas it does happen in rugby too though, you just get lucky/unlucky with your team manager.
Ds1 and 2 play for a club with a very big junior section. Ds2's lot are fantastic - everyone gets a game, regular substitutions so they don't win every match but at the age of 6/7 it's more about the experience.

Unfortunately for ds1 it's a different matter. His team manager is rubbish - has his favourites, plays them again and again even in tournaments which are supposed to be for the 'development' squads. I know he's a volunteer and gives up his time BUT he's lost so many really good players who they will really need in the years to come.

Lucy88 we have the same good experience with the club DS plays for.
He plays 7v7 and his team has 11 players so plenty of subs. Everyone gets playing time and everyone get substituted (except for the goalie as no one else wants to do it)

IngridBergman the coach sounds rubbish and I wouldn't want my child playing for a team like that, especially as it is a school team.
If your son likes to play footie, look around at local clubs, there are plenty of nice one around who encourage the enjoyment of playing rather than winning.
And they won't start playing 'competitive' until y4.(under 9's)

Hi I think that's Terrible! My dd is 6 and plays footy for a local u7 team. She is only girl on team and she was pretty bad when she started! However the coach gave them all equal playing time and we are top of the league! As a result of them all playing equal time the not so good kids are now fab players and my dd scares off the other teams boys with her vicious tackles and is one of the best defenders on the league. No kids are natural sports players and they all got to be given a chance else it takes the fun out of it. If your ds still wants to play I'd find him a local club that place less emphasis on winning and more on having fun

Totally agree with Lucy88 here...the FA want football at this age to be fun first and foremost. I think its the adults in childrens football who often let the children down and make it overly competitive, hence children loose their confidence. I find our football team clicky and there are favourites, but ALL the boys get a game and it's fair. Some are really good and some are not so good but they are all given a chance no matter their ability. Find a club that will ensure your son gets a game, there will be some out there. It's nice to find one away from school too...new boys, no pre-conceived ideas etc.

Mini Rugby sounds ace too...good luck

goodbyemrschips- OMG are you for real?? why would you ever talk about a child like that because they had expensive trainers on?

Abigail
Actually most footie clubs are not run by schools IME.

Ours certainly has nothing to do with any school, and in fact the players in the various (many) teams go to at least six different primary schools.

Not sure what you meant by yr post tbh.

Agree with lucy and others re it's possible to find a nice club/team with a decent attitude.

Clary
I was replying to your post that the school had handled it badly. Why blame the school if they are not in control? From my reading of the the OP it's the football club that is behaving badly, not the school.

Oh fair enough.

Clubs at our school inc footie clubs are run by staff more or less exclusively, but of course it varies. Anyway, coach whoever he or she is is at fault as far as I can see.