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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

Snack sharing

23 replies

pinkcushion · 07/03/2011 21:45

My dd told me tonight that her friend never has a snack at break time and is always asking her to share. She says she doesn't want to be unkind and say no but she is getting upset about not being able to eat her snack without her friend constantly asking for it.

How do I help her?

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lovecheese · 07/03/2011 21:51

Does the school not provide fruit for break-time? what yearis your DD in?

Original poster

pinkcushion · 07/03/2011 21:53

She's in year 3 - snck is only provided in Infant School.

OP posts:

UnSerpentQuiCourt · 07/03/2011 22:14

I think if it were me I would probably give her extra snack to share.

lovecheese · 07/03/2011 22:17

I agree, I hate the thought of denying somebody for the few pence that it costs. Poor girl.

Legacy · 07/03/2011 22:25

Hmm - this happens with DS too, expect that he's in Year 6 and the lazy fecker poor child who doesn't have a snack is a child who is meant to sort his own break out and never bothers!

Love cheese - of course your approach is absolutely right in theory, but I have to say, when DSs snack is a nutrigrain bar, or othe museli bar, it actually ends up being a lot more than a few pence.

I also only recently discovered how much snack 'trading' goes on too, when, after several months of dried fruit bars/ cheese & biscuits/ bananas etc DS2 admitted that he's been swapping them for horrible rice krispie marshmallow square

UnSerpentQuiCourt · 07/03/2011 22:27

In our school they only allow fruit as snacks, so putting in a second apple is not going to break the bank.

Legacy · 07/03/2011 22:31

Can't you just mention it in passing to the teacher? Say it's not very hygenic sharing apples etc - she might drop a line to the parents?

It's very generous, but it's not really your job to provide extra snacks...

(That said, when I've been on school trips as a parent helper I've always taken 'extra lunch' and spare warm clothes etc, and it's nearly always been used/appreciated)

It's a shame some children always seem so unprepared

Original poster

pinkcushion · 07/03/2011 22:31

Snack tends to be fruit bars - like most of the kids, which cost 40p a day, really do not want to start paying out twice that - it's expensive enough already.

OP posts:

Legacy · 07/03/2011 22:34

Do you know the mum? Could you casually ask her if her DD has any allergies, as you are worried because you heard that she often asks to share your DDs snack...

RoadArt · 07/03/2011 22:54

I would go down one of a few tracks

If I knew the child and family circumstances and knew they couldnt afford it, then I might supply extra food.

I could choose cheaper snack options - may be a sandwich or cheap biscuits - this would test whether this child is chosing your dd snack because they are better than she gets at home

I would want to establish that this is a true friend and that my dd wasnt being bullied

I would probably update the teacher because it's not an accepted practice in schools.

lemonmousse · 08/03/2011 13:37

Reminds me about when I got the reminder to pay for DD's school milk in Year 2 - I asked her "Do you still want to have milk at break before I pay for it?" (because we pay termly) and she replied "Oh, I never drink it - but don't cancel it because I always give it to X" !!!

skybluepearl · 08/03/2011 18:11

just mention it to the teacher and ask him/her to put a note in the book bag asking the parent to provide a snack. you could say that you like the fact that they share but your daughter remains hungry as a result.

Grabaspoon · 08/03/2011 18:15

Mention to the teacher and tell your daughter to say "My mum said that this was for me"

Colourworld · 08/03/2011 18:22

Agree with skybluepearl. I think the teacher should sort it out by telling the parents to provide their child with the snack. Our head teacher often reminds parends through the newsletter about the snack.

cat64 · 08/03/2011 19:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

TheFlyingOnion · 08/03/2011 20:08

definitely mention it to the teacher - I think its important that they are aware of the snack-sharing in case the child has allergies or special dietary requirements, and also so that the parent knows how much the child is eating at school.

As other posters have commented, its pointless stipulating that your child has no snack or a healthy snack when they just "borrow" from their friends anyway.

The children in my class have to ask if they can share their snack, and of course I am aware if there are things that certain children can't eat, or if parents only want their child to have fruit etc.

A lot of parents ask me at the end of the day whether their child ate much snack or lunch, so the teacher should really be aware of this.

Saying that, my school have just asked me to patrol whether the children are bringing in healthy food, and to report back on children who I think have particularly unhealthy meals regularly. There's no way I'm getting involved in telling the parents what to put in their child's lunchbox; I've got enough to do and I don't think its my place.

Does anyone have any thoughts on this from the parents' point of view?

Original poster

pinkcushion · 08/03/2011 22:18

Thanks all.

I realised today that she was worried about being told off by an adult for refusing to share half her snack with her friend, as well as worrying about upsetting her, so it was almost like she was asking me for permission to say no last night. She really needs to be more assertive.

Child today had a snack but still wanted to eat dd's too. She gave her a little and then said no - 3 times!!! before the child gave up.

Will casually mention it to the teacher...but I'm glad dd was able to sort it out for herself, it's a delicate balance.

OP posts:

parakeet · 08/03/2011 22:48

FlyingOnion, it drives me mad when schools try to police children's packed lunches or snacks. For a start, the school's job is education not dictation of every aspect of the children's lives.

Secondly, it's misunderstanding dietary advice. A lot of schools seem to have blanket "fruit only" policies about snacks. But it is not in principle "unhealthy" for a small child to take in a cake or biscuit, as long as their overall diet is healthy. As the school cannot know what the child is eating for breakfast or tea, this is something they should simply butt out of.

UnSerpentQuiCourt · 09/03/2011 18:14

As a teacher, I totally agree that it is not my job to police lunch boxes. However, it is my school policy that I do so.

Healthy eating has gone so far that when a Jewish parent brought in a special passover cake when she came to talk to my class about Passover as part of our RE, I was officially reprimanded by the HT because it was breaking our healthy eating policy. It was embarrassing.

I see my job as being to educate the children about nutrition so that they can make healthy choices, including treats at times. (Obviously, that should also really be the parents, but some families don't do that, so I cover it in science and DT)

eileenslightlytotheleft · 09/03/2011 19:25

DD's 'friend' badgered her for snacks a lot. I told DD to say 'my mum says I have to eat it myself.'

littleducks · 09/03/2011 19:31

TheFlyingOnion- if any of your children come in with no food/a can of coke and three mars bars then please inform the school (as any sane person would!) but otherwise as a parent i dont think its anything to do with the teachers who are paid and trained to teach not nutrionists

TheFlyingOnion · 09/03/2011 20:23

If I thought there was anything going on at home regarding a child not being properly looked after, then of course it is my job (and I have a legal duty) to report that, eg no lunch being consistently provided.

That, imo, is a separate issue than whether a child has five pieces of fruit or a chocolate bar in their lunch box - as I think we are all agreed.

I agree littleducks, my job is to educate children not act like some kind of "supernanny".

RoadArt · 09/03/2011 21:06

I think school policies need to be clear about what food is accepted and what is not. Some schools allow juice, others dont. Some allow fruit bars, others dont.

If parents are aware of what the rules are, then they should accept the school policy and not put their children in an embarrassing sitation by giving them food that they are not allowed to have. Parents can give the "banned food" at home.

Some parents dont seem to realise what the impact of a poor diet does to a child when in school. Some are dehydrrated, starving, tired and therefore lack concentration, may misbehave or be generally disruptive. Then the teachers have to deal with this instead of teaching.

Some parents send their kids to school with so little food, or fill their boxes with crisps, chocolate, sweets and sugar drinks and nothing that is good for the body.

As the teacher is having to deal with these children then they should be allowed to see what they are eating to see if there is a connection.

If a child is eating fruit, veggies, drinking water and no sweets or sugary stuff at all and still misbehaving, half asleep then that is a different issue that they could investigate.

The food we give our kids makes a huge difference.

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