Is Y4 a particularly bad year for girls falling out?

[Witchesbrew]

Because I don't think I can take much more of it.

God, yes. It starts in Y3, peaks round about now in Y4 and then they tend to grow up a bit in Y5. What's going on?

I found Yr 3 a lot worse tbh but they can be pretty vile to each other!

Depends on the school and the children involved.

DD is in Y4 and there are 15 girls in her class and there is very rarely any falling out. There doesn't seem to be the silly best friends/worst enemies stuff going on, and everyone is friends with each other. Been like it since reception. Hopefully it will continue into Y5 and 6 too.

I was told it was Y5, which is where my girl is. I have to say she was fine Ys 1 - 4 but has had a couple of issues this year.

I think it varies from class to class.

I was going to say Yr 4 is bad, but Yr 5 is worse! DD1 and her friendship group was an absolute nightmare from Yr 4 to Yr 6.
DD2 has had the same two best friends since nursery - now in Yr 6 and never a cross word.
DD3 is in Yr 4 now. Luckily most of her friends are boys, but there is still a lot of falling out and making up.
What are your DD's problems?

Thanks Feenie, I am having a minor nervous breakdown about the constant squabbling and petty fall-outs. DD is quick to make her feelings known in a tactless way and so are others in the class. I wonder if I take it too much to heart, but feel it reflects badly on me as a parent. I don't know how much to intervene either

From what DSs say its Year 5 that girls start falling out.

By year 6 they are in cliques.

Our Learning Mentor does lots of work with the girls in Y4/5 when this happens, and it calms down eventually. She hasn't had to do it with the boys in any class yet - they seem to fall out in a completely different way.

I know that it certainly happens a lot in yr4-yr5 but thankfully I have a DD who seems to not get involved and who has the same best friends from nursery. The issues seem to be boys (of course), and who is going-out-with-who-and-who-has-dumped-who-today. Ye Gods.

Don't intervene too much directly. Just talk to your DD about feelings and how other people feel when she says/does stuff and get her to look at situations that arise from the other person's point of view. Things tend to improve gradually as they learn the art of accommodating other people.
DD1 is in Yr9 now and has a big group of amazing friends, most of whom she has known since the beginning of primary school. They have survived all the fallouts and are all the better for it. Parental involvement just complicates things all round IMO.
There were times, however, especially in year 5, when I did not have this laidback attitude - I just wanted to bang their little heads together!

What can I do as a parent to help? Lots of promises to be nice from dd but almost daily fallouts seem to happen. There is a queen bee who is not nice at all but popular with parents and staff as far as I can see.

I would agree that it depends on the children that make up the class (and the mums too.)

DD1 was in a class of vile bitchy girls who regularly ostracised one of two of the girls. DD was regularly in tears about it in years 4 and 5 year 6 seemed more settled- year 4 was definitely the worst.

The mothers of many of these girls were really quite cliquey too and I found them quite unfriendly and difficult to talk to.

DD2 was in a class of mostly lovely little girlies who rarely seemed to fall out, birthday parties were lovely and they were never any trouble if they came round for tea or for sleepovers. Their class TA who was with them all the way through the junior school was heartbroken when they left to go to secondary and all their class teachers, without exception, said they were the best class they had ever taught.

The mothers in DD2s class were lovely too- we all got on really well and would go out at least once a term.

x-posted. Thanks THemumsnot x Must stay calm....

It will be fine...
Now I'm just waiting for the boyfriend stage to hit. That scares me a lot.

we are currently living through this bitchy hell. My DD is year 5 and its recently peaked. I hope and pray its going to improve soon because its pretty awful atm.

WWYD about a queen bee who frequently shouts at your DD? Is this bullying? I can't sleep for worrying about it.

Year 6 is our worst year. Thankfully this year I only have two year six girls and they are both angels ( although they have agreed to share a boyfriend!)last year I had 9 and they were not too bad, but the previous year was a nightmare. We even had parents in standup fights on the playground as they "stood up" for their precious daughters

I would say the girls became more divided in Year 4 but Year 5 is worse. I'm not sure how much of it is dd being deliberately excluded or her being over sensitive to the normal tittle tattle and fallouts.

Hello there,
My DD1 is in Y5 too, and this year her school had a workshop about girls bullying. Just girls for Y5 and Y6 were involved. They did a workshop for the parents as well, but for us it was just like a sumary of what the girls did. This workshop gave us some good books to read about bullying in girls and some good advice on how to act or help.
We don't have any friendship problems at the moment, but one of the mums said that the workshop was very helpful as she had problems with her DD in Y6.
The workshop was run by someone from the LEA so you may want to ask the school if they could have some?

DD found year 5 very difficult, and so did I. There was a lot of falling out and making up going on. Year 6 is easier, although it is quite cliquey, but the girls who make up the largest clique in class are all nice girls and sometimes will play with DD on an individual basis.

The children have to choose a "buddy" to go up to high school with and apparently this causes a lot of falling out as well.

This is where the mums of boys are lucky - none of this emotional stuff for us.
In Ds's school, everyone seems to get on in Y 1 2 3 and 4, and then in Y5 all the girls start fighting/fallingout/parents get involved, head has to hold meetings to separate groups of parents/girls.
An angry truce seems to develop in Y6, with parents and girls firmly entrenched in the "She's a cow, I'm not speaking to her" mode, and then they leave for high school.
This is the 2nd year I have seen the cycle.

oiwhatsoccuring - as a parent of 2 DSs (Yr 4 and Yr 6) that is exactly what we have seen. Boys getting along fine but coming home telling us the girls are fighting and forming little cliques with occassional internicine skirmishes.

Thanks for all your replies, at least now I know it's not unusual behaviour, seems a shame though. x

Hi have just joined mumsnet....had no idea this goes on...thought it was just me and my girl...but I am finding it so tough she is always upset, falling out, and she has no friends! I'm an older parent and thought as I have no close friends (in the locality that is) and don't talk or even see anyother mums/dads(working)...thought it was just the luck of the draw...but am now seeing this is not just me and her but she is unlucky to have a moderately unfriendly girl group...with a few queen bees...and equally unfriendly parents. Ie: they rarely ask my girl to come and play ever at thier house and the party invites are non-existant now!