Would you expect a 4 year old to be able to understand why his friends all got 'good behaviour' awards and he didn't?

[ceebeegeebies]

DS1 is in Reception and the school have a behaviour reward system where each term, the child will get a metal badge if they get a certain number of good behaviour marks through the term...the first term, they get bronze, the second term they get silver and the final term they get gold.

DS1 got his bronze badge last term but started this term off badly as he was very hyper after Christmas and took a little while to settle back at school - he had one giddy day when he got to 'red' due to a series of minor misdemeanours and then had to go and see the HT after biting one of his friends a few days later - other than that, his behaviour is good and the teacher commented that both days were totally out of character for him. He settled back down and we have had no problems since.

However, he didn't get his silver badge today when they were handed out (no idea why they are being handed out now and not at the end of term ) presumably because of these 2 incidents and he was obviously upset about it and it is hard to explain to him how those incidents were 2 months ago were the reason why - I just think it is too long ago for him to understand the consequences of his actions. He is a July baby so only 4.7.

I understand why he didn't get them and, as much as I understand, I did feel quite sad today when he told me that all his friends got their badges and he didn't - I can just picture his little face waiting for his name to be called out

I know it is not really important in the scheme of things but he is my baby

I think reward systems need to be consistent to send out the right message. DS came home with the head teacher award a few weeks ago (only one handed out a week) so I was really pleased and thought he had settled down as he had been a bit boisterous since Christmas, not always listening etc. We obviously heaped praise on him but then found out from his teacher that if it was up to her he would not have got it as, although he deserved it for the reason it was awarded, she felt it undermind her in the classroom where his behaviour had not been as good. I agree with his teacher that he should have been told that he could have won the award if his behaviour in class had not let him down. DS is 4.10 and in reception but I want him to learn that poor behaviour in one area can affect other areas of his life i.e. if he is naughty at school it will be followed up at home etc.

I agree with one of the other posters that it seems harsh for a child to miss out on something because of something he did months ago that was punished at the time. One of DS friends got upset that he didn't get a perfect attendance certificate for the forst term as he had been ill in the first week of term and missed one day. he kept crying that it wasn't his fault he was sick (and he did want to go to school but his Mum said no as he had been sick!)

I think at this age, a sticker at the end of each day for the children who have been good all day is enough of a reward for the good and incentive for the not so good!