Parent/Teacher Friendship

[crow1967]

My story is quite long and detailed to go into here. But the long and short of it is: Where do I stand if I think a friendship between a parent and a teacher and head teacher is impacting on my child. The parent has already attempted to abuse her position (also being the chair of the PTA) by involving my child in events (of which there was no evidence and resulted in my getting a written apology from the head teacher). I obviously spoke to both the teeacher and the headteacher about how they can truly be impartial but of course I got the 'teacher' hat in school and 'friend' hat out of school jargon. That may be very well but there is still such obvious impartiality being shown towards this child in the classroom. I now hear rumours that the class is going to be split up next year and I am worried that her influence will result in her child being put with her friends and my child not!!!! I know this sounds petty but there is a lot more to this than I can go into on here but I know that if I go in and voice my concerns they will of course try to reassure me that there will be no influence from any parent etc. etc. But I'm afraid I have lost all faith in them. So my question is - what can I do to ensure this 'splitting' up of the class is done fairly - I suppose I can answer that myself and say - 'I can't - I'll just have to trust them'???????????????????????? But I don't trust them???????????????????????

Are you happy to have your child educated by (and in the care of) people whom you don't trust?

You could contact the Governors or the LEA (or whatever it is now!) if you are really unhappy with the situation.

Is this reception ? Feels like end-of-the-world, but really it is minor. beleive me, many of us have been through this.
Has your dd chosen her friends? If she gets in with one, she will be fine.
This woman is not THAT powerful. she can't make your dd happy, have no freinds, struggle academically. No one is THAT powerful.

I am a teacher. I have friends whose children I have taught. I am a member of my local commumity (very small, rural) and would be very lonely if I "wasn't allowed" friends out of school. Can honestly say I have NEVER treated a child more favourably in school because of a personal friendship, or more harshly for that matter - I am a professional, and as such able to behave professionally.

My son has been a pupil at school "with" me although I have never taught him myself. I can assure you, (believe me ) that he has never been a "favourite, taecher's pet child,( and I am friends with my colleagues too - WHY are they not making him a favourite, for God's sake? ) much to my embarrassment!

If you are SURE that an unprofessional relationship exists, you should complain. But I am very well able to wear my work hat, my social hat, and my parent hat on different occassions, as are my many colleagues in a similar position. And my very good friends who are also parents/colleagues are also well able to make the distinction too!

'But I am very well able to wear my work hat, my social hat, and my parent hat on different occassions, as are my many colleagues in a similar position. And my very good friends who are also parents/colleagues are also well able to make the distinction too!'

Ditto.
If you want to make a complaint, gather evidence, raise your concerns with the right people and work towards getting explicite statements of intent and practice from the head.
Don't work on rumours.

Iagree with other posters. Teachers become friends with parents and vice versa but it should never impact on what goes on in a school.

If a child is selected for something because he/she is the son/daughter of a Board of Trustees or PTA then it is because they are right for that decision not because of whose child they are.

If the school are splitting half the class, then there will be lots of children who might not get their favourite person next time. Turn this into a positive. They get to meet new children and still have their old friends to play with. this helps their social skills immensely and widens their circles. Sometimes when a child has been with their best friend all day at school, they are a disaster when together after school.

If you have specific issues taht are affecting your child, then these need to be addressed but facts not rumour.

There is obviously a more serious issue than what is suggested in your post, and I really hope you can work something out. If you are not happy about the school your child will sense this.

You should complain to the board of governors, teachers being friendly with specific parents is never good for the children whose parents are not in the friends' circle. I've worked with teachers who have totally forgotten that they should be impartial. To the point they have ended up on drunken binges with their parent-friends thus losing any respect these parents ever had for them as professionals.

Any other professionals you feel should follow these rules then?
Doctors, nurses, lawyers?
Or should it be innocent until proven guilty, and that the accuser should provide evidence that the friendship has crossed boundaries that it shouldn't have.
Otherwise it just sounds rather immature and spiteful TBH.

When any professional crosses a boundary between acting in a professional way and not, whether it's in work or out, and when that person loses respect for what they do and who they are, then I would hope that person would be held to account. That's not being immature or spiteful, it's being conscious that people in all jobs should have respect for themselves and the job they do. It's all about people acting with discretion and holding themselves aloof from claims of impartiality, especially in a job like teaching where parents can often feel their child isn't not being treated fairly in comparison to others in their peer group.

One of my DC is being taught by a friend. She was a friend before she even got the job. Other teachers of children I would also consider friends, I never try to abuse my friendship. When my DC's teacher recently had to inform me of some bad behaviour, I was mortified, but dealt with it as I would from any other person.

But all of my children's teachers act as professionals in school. I think our friendship may change the colouring of some encounters but neither makes them harder or easier (so I might feel embarrassed but I do know my friend knows I'm trying my best).

However if trust is breaking down maybe you need to look for an alternative school.

I am good friends with one of the teachers who taught my children but both she and I are professionals.

'especially in a job like teaching where parents can often feel their child isn't not being treated fairly in comparison to others in their peer group.'

many parents,like many children can see injustice and wail 'It's not fair' on a regular basis. Proving that the accusation is well-founded is harder. Proving that an accusation is unfounded is fortunately much easier. hence the number of check lists and reasons for choices and amount of evidence I have at my fingertips to assuage petulant and flouncy individuals.

One of my friends is MARRIED to her child's teacher... do hope it's not an unprofessional friendship.

PS - it's HIS child too, by the way - what are they to do?