1st trip away with school - jittery!

[pugsandseals]

DD(8) is due to go away soon for 2 nights. No big deal to most I know, but for her this is her 1st time away from us overnight & she's getting jittery! I know I did this at about her age & ended up not going & then regretting it, but don't want to pass this worry onto her. She's more than likely going to be fine once she's there, but any advice on handling it now? She says she is upset that she won't be able to say goodnight to us. This seems to be her only worry & I am sure she will be happy & confident the rest of the time. I just feel like a really harsh mother telling her to get on with it!

What would you say?

I would try to be upbeat about the whole thing. Emphasise that she'll be with her friends and teacher (assuming she likes her teacher) and maybe give her something of yours to hold at night if she's feeling anxious - a scarf, a pair of gloves etc. Have you spoken to her teacher? Any experienced teacher will know the score.

I am a Brownie leader and have taken several groups on residential trips. We're usually too busy for anyone to feel homesick, but based on my experience I can tell you what not to do (and I think you know this already). Don't go on at your daughter about how tremendously brave she is to be separated from her mum, about how it's going to be really tough for you to be without her but you're sure you'll both get through it somehow. I had one Brownie whose mother used to give her a similar spiel before every Brownie meeting [lasting an hour and a half] and unsurprisingly the poor girl spent every meeting in tears and only lasted a few weeks. If you're matter-of-fact about the whole thing, that low-key confidence will probably rub off on your daughter. If you suggest it's an ordeal to be got through, that too will rub off. I'd also suggest not giving her a mobile phone and ringing her, because if she's getting on fine with all the activities on offer, being distracted and reminded of home may be counter-productive.

Thanks Maud!

I have total faith in the staff once she's actually gone. I'd talk to her teacher now but am afraid of looking like the overprotective mother! Something to take would be a good idea - I might look into that. But definately no mobile phones - school have banned them anyway quite rightly.

My dd1 will be going on her first Brownie camp soon. She has been away from us for 2/3 nights before with grandparents. She always gets wound up before she goes away and is always fine whilst she is away and never wants to come home.

I always (try to) stay calm. I get her involved in packing, she takes her favourite teddy with her.

I don't make a big deal of her going away, just mention in passing what fun things she will be doing. If she starts getting wound up then I move the conversation onto something else, just like I would if I was distracting a toddler! e.g . 'Is there a horse in that field?' or' What time do you think Daddy will get home tonight'.

How about getting her to say some goodnights in advance? I.e. on Monday when she goes to bed, you all say Goodnight Tuesday and Goodnight Wednesday as well, then she hasn't missed any. Obv. doing this in a cheery way, but it addresses what she has told you she's bothered about. Showing that you've listened to her, sorted it out, and she can get on with having fun on the trip?

(disclaimer: my eldest is only 6 so ignore me if you want to!)

Another Brownie leader pitching in!

Definitely get her to help with her packing - that way she knows what she's got and where it is.

Tell her that you've checked with the teachers what time bedtome will be... you will say goodnight at that time, so that she knows you're thinking of her. She'll be so busy & excited that she'll totally forget anyway, but you can say that you remembered.

Are they taking their own bedding? A familiar pillowcase really helps and certainly a bedtime toy.

She'll be fine