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10 year old girl with friend issues

8 replies

Superslickwebchick · 18/02/2011 11:14

We went to my DD parents eve yesterday. The teachers told us that DD has become somewhat quieter in the class and it seems to be down to the fact that DD and her "best friend" are no longer the twosome. It has been on the cards for sometime and I could see them going their separate ways and infact I was quite pleased about this as "best friend" did not really treat my DD nicely and as a friend should.
DD does have other friends in the class but they have established their groupings and when she attempts to sit with them at lunch they continue to talk to each other and not include her.

DD is clever, bright and happy in general and we were surpised by the comments that the teachers made yesterday. I spoke to DD and she cried and told me how left out she feels as everyone has a special friend except her. "Best friend" has found another and I would not wish DD to pursue her anyway - they were so different in many ways. DD is often invited to parties and seems to get on with most people although she can appear shy first thing in the morning when she arrives in the playground. Although she has known her class mates for 5 years now she still finds it hard to go over to them and simply say "hi".

I am not sure whether to be concerned or not. It is not a silly argument with a friend situation. It's about how I should help her overcome this feeling that she feels alone without a special friend. She's the type to need a friend.

Any advice here? Any comments gratefully received.

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crazygracieuk · 18/02/2011 11:30

I don't think that it's good for children to have just the one best friend.

My ds had a best friend that they fell out in y4 but after he was free from this friendship he became much more confident and happier. He is now in a group of 5 or so boys and it works well.

With the old friendship, ds and the other boy felt lonely if the other was away from school or they had been in different groups but now he can cope without friends- if there is nobody that he knows he will talk to new people,

In order to form stronger friendships, I'd invite people round or do after school activities.

Superslickwebchick · 18/02/2011 11:47

Thx crazygracieuk,

DD is friends with most of her class and yes you are right I'd prefer her to have more than one friend. I guess being a girl she likes to sit with someone for lunch or when they are asked to pair up that she has someone she can turn to. When there is no-one to turn to is when the feeling that she is alone comes on.

It's half term from next week and she has been asked to see a friend one day and will have another for tea so hopefully she'll see the value in that.

Poor girl - I hate seeing her upset :(

I hope that she finds her place in this class and that her confidence increases. She's even class rep for Year 5 so she's popular - I just need to remind her of these things.

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CeciC · 18/02/2011 13:09

Hy Super,
In my DD school they had a workshop about bullying just for girls. I am not saying that this is bullying, but it might help for the other girls see how some people might feel. They run the same workshop for the parents of all the Y5 and Y6 girls, which was very enlighting and interesting. One of the mums of a girl in Y6 mentioned that that workshop would have been very useful when her daughter was in Y5 as they had a lot of friendship issues.
My DD1, Y5, is friends with all the girls, she doesn't have a "best" friend but a lot of "best fiends". My DD2, Y1, on the other hand had a "best" friend in Rec., and a lot of friends. Even the girls moved to the US in September, she is still DD2's best friend, and the other girls are friends. I hope I won't get this problems later on.
I hope you get it sort it, and your DD finds a nice group of friends.

pilates · 18/02/2011 18:26

Just to reiterate what craziegracieuk said really. It is much better to have different groups of friends you can play with rather than one. Perhaps you could ask different girls round for tea? My experience of girls when they have a best friend is they get very possessive and jealous. I'm sure in a couple of weeks time she will find some nice girls to play with.

pointydog · 18/02/2011 18:42

It cuts you up when your child is having friend problems.

This shifting of friendships is very common and can cause quite a bit of upset between the ages of 9/10 and 13.

It sounds like you are doing the right sort of things and I would just wait in the wings for a week or so to see if things start to improve.

sandyballs · 18/02/2011 20:12

Year 5 is a nghtmare for girls friendships. I have two DDs in year 5 and hear about constant fall outs, mine included .

Superslickwebchick · 20/02/2011 22:04

Thanks to all of you for your words of support. Really wish we had a workshop CeciC - it's always hard to know whether to intervene or not.

I am sure these things do even out in the end : )

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mmsmum · 20/02/2011 23:41

It must be a girl thing. dd is always telling me who's broke up with who and can't understand why people are suddenly friends today when they hated each other yesterday and she never knows who is going to be friends with who tomorrow!

Try to see this as an opportunity to invite new people into her life, it's good to socialise with lots of different people, better than just having one.

I know it's upsetting but it will be ok, might take her a little while but she'll have new friends before you know it Smile

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