Play fighting on the playground

[littlefishexpat]

My DS is 5 and in YR1 at a lovely independent school. Since the beginning of the year he has been to see the PrePrep head 3 times and has spent many playtimes on the naughty bench -- all because of play fighting on the playground. But here is where it gets complicated, sometimes it's allowed and sometimes it isn't. The Y2 boys are allowed to play because they are able to control themselves and stop before anyone gets hurt. Some of the Y1 boys are beginning to figure out this concept as well and are now allowed to playfight. This isn't a concrete thing, it's more of a general guideline. Apparently, my DS has not figured out the difference between fighting hard and fighting soft and consequently hurts some of the other boys.

These vague guidelines of what is allowed and what is not change based on which teacher is supervising the play time. I have gone to several of them individually to ask and they have all given me different answers and I'm getting extremely frustrated. My son is frustrated and confused. He understands that he's just trying to do what the other boys do, but that it's just not working out!

I've met with the preprep head and his teacher this week and we have some plans to put in place after half term, a behavior diary and reward charts.

But I have a few questions for the MN community:
Is playfighting normally allowed on playgrounds?

Can a 5 year old boy be expected to understand the difference between fighting hard and fighting soft and be able to act accordingly?

How long should I let this go on before I speak with the head directly?

Is my son EVER going to figure this out?!? And if it takes him too long will he get a reputation for being too rough?!?

FWIW -- we're expats trying to figure out the education system here and are aware they we don't always get it right!

Whew -- that got interesting.

I think I agree with everyone that says boys (all children really) need a way to burn off energy but that the school playground isn't a good place for play fighting. I don't think there is anything wrong with it, just that it cannot be properly controlled on the playground.

We have a plan in place and are giving it two weeks to make a difference. It doesn't directly address this issue so I'm not optimistic. If nothing changes (and why would it) we'll go to the head.

Thank you for all your thoughts -- especially the ones the mentioned that my son was normal and not some out of control aggressive maniac!

Out of interest, do girls do play fighting?

Sorry, I dont have DD experience.

Mine does, but only with siblings at home (not permitted in school). House rule is that it's only allowed when everyone knows it's a fight game (no surprise attacks) and they've done martial arts so they have a better understanding of what they're doing and how to keep it fun. It's more like martial arts practice than aggression.

Well my girls didn't playfight till they got a brother! luckily 4 of them are in their twenties with steady boyfriends who are all too willing to playfight with my 9 year old ds because younger dd does not like rough and tumble. Ya for rugby playing boyfriends!