August child, January intake

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Reading around here, it would seem that even if your child is very young, sending them to school a few months later is A Bad Thing.

DD is shy and struggling to integrate at preschool, and only has a few more months to get herself together enough to go to Big School, where she will be the youngest in the school. She is a tall child, and is often treated as being older than she is as a result of this, and that doesn't help things. I think a few more months at preschool will help her no end, but already the school are using a bit of emotional blackmail saying if I send her in January she will make no friends as all the friendships will already have been formed by the September starters. That attitude is a bit of a kick in the teeth for me as the thing I worry about with DD is her failure to cope with larger groups of children and shy and retiring nature. My mother told me when I was 5 we moved house and I started a different school, and was surrounded by kids wanting to talk to the new girl, so she feels that what the school have said is a load of BS.

Has anyone here held their child back until January against the school's advice? how did it go? Did it work well, or was it a disaster? A quick search on MN shows the most common response to parents worried about their late-born child is to tell them to send them to school in the September and they'll be fine. My birthday is in August too, and I recall hating school with a passion, yet I was bright at school and have a very exclusive job now. DD is bright academically - it is the emotional side I am worried about.

The comment from the school is rubbish. It may be a little harder for her but friendships are pretty fluid at that age. I'm sure she will make friends quickly if she starts in January.

On the other hand, you should be aware that there is very little difference between Reception and pre-school. They both follow the same curriculum with the emphasis on learning through play. If she is happy at pre-school she will probably be fine in Reception.

As an alternative to delaying her start until January, you could consider going part time until then. You have the right to request that.

My experience isn't quite what you're after but my DD1 changed schools after a term in Reception and so joined an already established class (entirely formed from a September intake). It was absolutely fine and she fitted in pretty quickly. She was initially very good friends with two particular girls but is now part of a close group of 5 or 6 and, one year on, anyone looking at the class would find it hard to identify my DD as 'the new girl'.

I'm also a primary school teacher and no class I've ever taught has started and finished the academic year with exactly the same children in it. People move house/schools/countries and friendships are not fixed permanently when we are 5!

The thing that may be hardest with a January start is that you, the parent, won't be part of the friendship group... it's a different issue but one that could be easily resolved by sending your DD for 3 days a week/mornings only/whatever you feel would work for her.

The biggest diff between nursery and reception is the amount of time they spend there. So if you think your child will be too tired to go all day that is a big consideration....

(Although possibly solved by sending your child mornings only if school will allow it...)

I personally don't think it's a good thing for the 'average' child who is 4 and a few days to be at school full time......

If you are worried about the 'emotional' side - you don't want him starting school unable to make friends because he's not mature enough, or labelled 'naughty' because he's immature.....

Our LEA used to have staggered intakes, so my youngest DS started in Jan. Made no diff at all......

hi BintheB, I am that parent! I have a late-August born DS who, although I feel is bright, is not necessarily the most mature child! He was at a really, really good nursery part-time and my DH & I shared the remaining days. We wanted DS to go to our local village primary school so met with the head when DS was just 3 years and 1 month old to ask about flexibility of start date & deferment. We had to complete our primary school application before DS was even 3 1/2. Head said no flexibility so DS would start in Sept, 1/2 days, slowly moving up to full days. We applied, got the place and then I wrote a (cracking) letter basically saying that I felt in DS's best interest he should really start in Jan.

We had a lot of emotional blackmail from the school regarding friendships and groups. DS did start in Jan (the latest I could get) and he finally did full days by Easter - he was so tired. His behaviour is not great he doesn't cope very well with some of the social and playground situations. He is in Yr 1 now and on school action for literacy, maths & behaviour. I still get digs about his start date despite the fact that 25% of the class has changed! He is effectively labelled as naughty and we are just starting to wonder if there is more to it. I do think the pressure of 5 days a week with quite strict rules is too much for him and it's not just PFB syndrome!

I am very knowledgable about the impact that school has on the academic outcomes for summer born children. It is depressing. I spent months looking at the evidence presented in the Rose Review and the Cambridge Primary Review. I was one of very few parents to provide feedback and we are the reason now that parents have some limited choice as to when their children start Reception. I would suggest if you are interested in this topic you read those studies. My views on Sir Jim Rose are nearly unprintable.

The anecdotal evidence you find on this site regarding outcomes is lovely and positive, but doesn't change the reality that summer born children ON AVERAGE do not perform as well as their older peergroup. We know what we have to do about this as a country and yet 20 years on we do nothing. I would defer my child tomorrow if I could.

Regarding my relationship with the school it's always likely to be interesting because I am quite vocal. The school do know that I only have DS's interest at heart, so I think they put up with me. However I do give back by volunteering with Walking Bus and the library so I try to help the school and not just take.

Re: friendships in the playground - it's the most social thing I have done in years. I chat to anyone across all year groups and I try not to be too cliquey.

You will have to follow your own judgment. Best of luck! (Sorry horribly long post)

Samels001 thanks for that - a bit of light reading for me! I had no idea that there were articles and papers published about it. I'll go off and have a look at them.

I was watching her closely at toddler group yesterday, and while she plays with the 4 yos, the children she plays with most and relates to best are those who were born between July and the November after her.