Help - 5 year old being bullied - what to say to school?

[beckstar24]

DS is a sweetheart and is in year 1 - but still likes Thomas and things so makes him 'different' and thus he is being bullied. The kids doing it are known as awful and we have mentioned it informally to the teacher on a couple of occasions - but to no avail. To make matters worse he's tried to tell the teachers he's being punched/threatened etc but got into trouble for talking/not lining up etc etc :(

I have written in his book that I need to speak to the teachers urgently - by phone or as soon as I can get there - but I'm not sure exactly what to say. Obviously what's happening but not sure what I expect the school to do. One of the boys Mum is Chair of the PSA so am not full of hope they'll do anything.

to be honest I'm tempted just to send him to martial arts and tell him to whomp em back - as he's a big lad - but this is my last resort!

Thanks

Don't give up on the school straightaway- you don't know that they won't listen to you. But if you go in with a negative attitude from the start, they probably won't.

Go in and tell them that you are worried and ask what they suggest. Make it clear (but without spelling it out too strongly at first) that you expect them to have a procedure for this. Ask what your ds should do if the problem reoccurs.

Also, be prepared to hear a story that is slightly different from what your ds has told you. It doesn't always happen, but it can do. A friend of mine went into school to complain about her ds being bullied- and was taken aback when the teacher explained that actually the shoe was on the other foot (I knew teacher was right as my ds was one of the children who had problems with this boy).

However, when I have been in, I have always found the school very helpful- and very efficient in dealing with the problems.

Definitely go in and talk with them about your concerns and make a plan on how you can all work together to move forwards.

It may not just be a question of teaching the "bullies" to be nicer to / more tolerant of your DS, but also about equipping your DS with more skills to cope with the social side of school.

Thanks for the advice - I have asked other mums who help out at the school if they've seen anything and they've seen things DS hasn't even told me so I do think it's true unfortunately (I've have brushed off several of his first incidents as high jinks gone wrong so suspect it's been going on even longer).

Weird thing is DS is very big (tall) and popular but very gentle - will be interested to see what school recommmend we can do to help equip him.

b*

Go in and talk to the teacher asap.

There is a lot they can do. She can talk to the whole class about how bullying is not nice and explain how it makes the other children feel.

She can talk to the other children - get their side of the story and if necessary, they can be made to apologise to your son.

She can keep an eye on the children and ask the dinner ladies to do the same.

If it has happened more than once, I would also ask the school to notify the other parents. IME, they don't usually do this and you get a much more effective resolution of this kind of issue if the parents are on board.

What the school did in our case was to give instructions to the dinner ladies to keep an eye on the trouble makers. They also gave a general talk to the school and reinforced that it is every child's duty to tell an adult if any child is hurt or frightened. This latter idea was very good: it meant people looked out for ds.

Also, reassure your ds that you are on his side and if he is being hurt by other children, you will do everything you can to sort it out. Don't leave it though.

Your best bet is to talk to the mothers of the other children. I did this once and the mother was soooooo mortified and I felt really sorry for her. Stopped the bullying dead in it's tracks.

Definitely talk to teachers. Actually you have given me food for thought. My ds age 5, year 1 has a Thomas lunch bag. The other day he said he would prefer a Buzz Light year one as another child said Thomas too babyish...mmm..off to Tescos in a minute, might have a look at lunch boxes/ bags. The school should have an anti bullying policy- ask about it. Good luck.