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Primary education

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5 yr old can't mix in playground - Help!

6 replies

nellieellie · 07/02/2011 13:47

My 5 yr old DS is in Yr 1. Reception seemed to go OK - he had his friends although was prone to wandering around a bit on his own. Yr 1 has been hard though. He is a lovely sociable little boy but seems to find it hard to deal with lots of children in the playground and now says that no other children will play with him and that all the other children have friends apart from him. He is fine playing with children one-to-one - eg if they come to tea or he goes there, but if he is in the playground from what I can make out he will not join in games or if he does will soon withdraw. I think he sees any rough play as malice towards him and he becomes upset. He will also interpret a friend playing with someone else as meaning that they are not his friend anymore and becomes upset. He is also finding it difficult to focus on his work and teachers have told me that he is really slow with reading. This bothers me because at home he has made loads of progress and is not slow at all.
He is a little different from other boys his age (but all kids are different aren't they?)- he is August born so is young in his year - and young for his age as well. His speech can seem a bit muddled and he is very naive, but he is friendly as does want to have friends. He is quite obsessed with superheroes but I would have thought that would stand him in good stead.
He is miserable about school at the moment - and resistant to any ideas or discussion about improving things - he will withdraw and change the subject. There is a woman in the school who is trying to help him. We have seen his teachers a number of times - and the headmaster but we are nearly half way through this year now and nothing has improved.

What I would love to know is if anyone had a child who at this age found things difficult but settled in when older. I'm hoping that this is just a hard time for him which will pass.

OP posts:
bettyboop63 · 07/02/2011 17:07

is he ok in lessons ? or behind the friend situation rings a bell with me and the being naive and slow with reading if your at all worried and the school are not helping just to make sure things are ok id ask yr GP to be refered to the child development clinic as there a a few things that could cause this or could be nothing at all just he needs a little extra help in class and when he gets it he will not feel so different form his peers and suddenly be ok mixing again

laughalot · 07/02/2011 17:13

My ds is in year 2 now he is 6 we had alot of problems with him and his social skills when he first started but it has got better with his age and involving him in after school clubs ect.

coccyx · 07/02/2011 17:22

My 4 year old is in reception. When she started she was often seen by me on her own in the playground. I asked her if she had any friends and was she ok. She said ' I don't really like them they are silly".
Her teacher said that she mixed well with her peers in the classroom and saw no problems. A few months on she interacts alot more in the playground, but quite happy with her own company.

WimpleOfTheBallet · 07/02/2011 19:04

I can tell you that he sounds exactly like my niece who took until year 3 to settle down and eally ffind her feet. She did the same thiing....wandering around alone and my sister was so worried.

She did as you are doing and incvited others to play...put her in Rainbows etc....now she has matured and is totally fine.

gabid · 07/02/2011 20:13

In nursery my DS (now 5, Y1)started telling me 'nobody is my friend', when I asked they told me he was fine and I observed him chatting during dinner.

In reception, DS, very sociable and chatty, tried very hard to make friends and attached himself to one particular child, who soon had enough and didn't want to play with DS anymore at all - this happened a couple of times. We had a chat about it but DS was not interested. He then found one friend who didn't seem to mind.

DS always plays well in groups of 2/3/4 children. I feel he is not comfortable in larger groups and seeks security with a friend. He also hated rowdy parties and refused to go in. Now he seems to chat and play with more and more children in his class, so he is not clinging to that one friend so much anymore.

Are there any lunchtime clubs in your school? Your DS might feel happier in a smaller group with some supervision.

nellieellie · 08/02/2011 13:24

Thanks for all this. I have taken him to GP - and he saw a paediatrician who think he is fine but he has a fthr appt with a psychologist to be on safe side.
I did take him to various after school clubs but then he stopped them all as he came to hate them so much and I wanted to take pressure off him. Thing is he is not happy in his own company and is desperate to make friends.
I think he's getting as much help at school as he is likely to. Academically he is Ok - reading is pretty good although writing is a bit hard for him.
Just feel he is a round peg in a square hole when he's at school. Hope fully will grow out of it.

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