help needed for son please

[fannyfoghorn]

Hi, can anyone give me any advice on how to help my son? DS is 5 and in reception. I had concerns about how he would fit into school as he is a little 'eccentric' (ie very verbal, enthusiastic and a little overwhelming for some children) also he has been a free reader since he was 2.5 and is very keen on physics so tends to be a little obsessed!

I was concerned about him starting school as I knew he was already very ahead of the curriculum in terms of reading/maths/science but wanted him to go for social reasons and also his writing skills are only average for his age. He is a reluctant writer but has improved since starting school.

He just had his parents' evening and the teacher said that everything was fine except his listening skills. She says he doesn't listen to anything she says. I would definitely believe this to be true as he 'tunes things out' if he is uninterested. We often tell him off for this ourselves.

My problem is this. I think his listening skills are poor because he is unstimulated at school. He can do all the work already (apart from the writing). However I feel he SHOULD listen to the teacher - but how can I motivate him to do so when he is not interested in what she is saying? I know he definitely can pay attention when he wants to; I have taken him to science lectures and demonstrations for older children and he will sit happily, listening to every word, with his hand up for all the questions.

I don't want to home educate him for the reasons I have already given plus he tells me he likes going to school. They are putting him into a group with a TA to help him learn 'speaking and listening skills' (his speech is excellent). The thing is, is there actually anything wrong with him? I feel like he should listen to his teacher but what is his motivation? As for getting his work extended, the teacher does what she can. He has skipped the ORT reading scheme altogether and is on novels plus he has special maths targets. (They haven't done any of the scince that he is really into; I don't suppose they will do for years).

So what do I do? In years to come he will need to listen but right now he has no reason to. What can I do to help him?

Sorry this is so long!

Hi
yes, some of our Year 3 / 4 have things to 'fiddle' with (Blutak) to aid concentration.

But it is very difficult to listen or concentrate if you know a subject already. I would have thought discussions with Teacher, Early Years coordinator, SENCo, or even the Headteacher might help, assuming they are supportive.

Depends how big the school is, but some have 'Gifted' children groups.

Might be a bit OTT, but could it be arranged he spends some time with a higher year group for subjects he is good at - Numeracy, Science etc? See how he reacted in a more challenging setting, might shed some light on what's causing problem.

Club activities might help - I have done recorder, keyboard and percussion groups in school - music is useful, because goes hand in hand with maths. Currently I'm giving touch-typing experience to interested kids.

I assume there aren't any issues with his hearing?

Be best if can get sorted out, as could escalate as he gets older.

Ds's listening was so bad in yr 1 that his teacher insisted he have his hearing checked. He can hear very well but will only engage if he is interested. Same now in yr 2. Difficult to replicate outside school as he chooses the activities he does,unlike school, so is naturally more interested.

I'm pretty much of the view that it his teacher's job to engage and interest him at school and my job as his parent to support that. We had a very difficult yr 1 and a not overly successful start to yr 2. However his yr 2 teacher has actively tried to understand how Ds learns and it is finely having an effect this term.

Your son is no doubt very bright and will have to feign interest in no end of boring things for the next 60 years or so. If he can't do it, life will be very difficult.

The world is not always going to wow him, he needs learn to handle that and to fit in with everyone else. That's what Reception is all about and what the teachers are trying to do.

Finally not finely. I'd add that Ds is slowly learning that not everything he does at school will be interesting but hopefully more will be interesting than not. His teacher has also learnt that if Ds won't do his work in class there is no punishment she can give him that he will view as a punishment.

MollieO that sounds like my son! He is very hard to punish too.

I tend to punish at home for bad school behaviour as I know home punishments do matter.

The standard school punishment is missing break time. Ds is very happy to miss break time so in the past has deliberately got into trouble to get that 'punishment'. His teacher didn't appear to realise this until I pointed it out to her. Not sure what the alternative is as since that threat has been stopped ds has been very well behaved!

I think he'd probably benefit a great deal from having the chance to socialise with a wide range of people in various situations, with support where needed. School doesn't really provide the opportunity to do this, so he might be better off without it.

You say your son loves school, but it is quite possible that he'd enjoy home education even more. Think what it might be like for him to talk at length to people who are interested in what interests him, to have friends of any age, and never to have to sit through mind-numbingly boring lessons again.

There's only one way to find out. Is the school oversubscribed? If not, you could take him out for a couple of terms to see how he likes being out of school, with the idea of sending him back in next year if he says he'd rather go back.

I have thought about home educating him and the educational side would probably work but he says he likes school. He meets a variety of people (nice and not so nice) and he is learning about group interaction. At the moment we are prioritising his social skills over his academic ones but I have considered the fact that if he starts to become a 'problem child' at school then we will have to either home ed him or I could return to work to pay for fees at a pushy prep.

Yes, it's a tricky one. I'd hesitate to remove a happy child from a setting which he enjoys and where he says he wants to stay.

At the same time, I don't actually think that a child has to be deeply unhappy at school in order for a change to be right. After all, many people would leave their jobs if they found something better, even if they didn't hate the current job. Most of us don't bother to look around seriously while the current situation is reasonably acceptable, but we may be missing out by doing so. Similarly, though your son likes school, I don't suppose he knows much about the alternative, which he might like even better.

I think you might be quite surprised at the social benefits of home education. Anyway, if you are ever faced with a choice of doing that or going to work in order to send your ds to a better school, it would be well worth checking home ed out thoroughly in case it turns out to be different to what you thought.

Good luck figuring out the best way forward; it can't be easy!

Thanks eceryone for all your advice .

Dur! EVeryone obviously.