My son is struggling at school (Year 2)

[nanski]

Dear All,

I would value some advice from those that know better than me. I live in Greece and I have two children. I always assumed before I had kids that my children would trounce others when it came to English because I am English. Is that stupid? I mean, I was only ever average at school; I didn't expect excellence in other subjects from my kids, but the one thing I thought I would be able to give them the edge in was with English. Now, my kids go to an English school (with an hour a day for Greek). My husband and in-laws wanted and continue to want them to go to Greek school becuase they think that he would find it easier with having one language to learn. I have always pushed for English school becuase I want to be fully involved in their life; and I love the fact that I have a large social circle of the Mums there. I don't speak a lot of Greek so it would be quite lonely for me if they went to a Greek school. My husband works long hours and is not prepared to help each day with the homework (which he would have to do if it was all in Greek). He is struggling with the Greek and my in-laws are constantly complaining and comparing him with other children.

The Greek is one thing but he is struggling just the same in English. He is on reading level four. He can barely read sentences. Although I would never admit it to my husband I am sure that I was reading at his age (7 and a half).

My in-laws came around last weekend and they literally said that he is backward becuase he uses his fingers when adding up. I was disgusted with their attitude. my husband backed them up by saying that I have destroyed my son by making him learn two languages etc etc. That it is either his fault,my fault for not helping enough or the school is to blame.
Really and truely it wouldn't bother me for him to get 1 out of 10 if my husband and in-laws were not judging him. But I can't help but to wonder if it is my fault? No-one told me that you are meant to hot-house your kids. My parents barely showed the slightest interest in my school work. Why is it that all the parents do so much extra work for their kids and now how to I go about improving things?
Today, I am ashamed to say I got quite upset becuase he got 5/10 for his English test and 0/10 for his Maths (was maths questions written in words; actually his maths is not bad. when it is using words he just can't read them). A kid in his class whose Mum honestly cannot speak a word of English came up to me bragging that he got 10/10 in both tests. I just felt desperate because I know what my husband is going to say. It's my fault. I just never knew that you have to do so much extra work at home. But, does anyone understand that it is an ego thing? This Mum cannot speak English but she still managed to help her son more than me? I admit that I got upset with my son. I shouldn't. I just don't know what to do.

The trouble is his home life is not very happy. We argue most days with my husband sometimes threatening to beat me up and he almost always tells him that he is stupid etc. If I sit down with my son and try to gently say "read that for me" he will say he can't and run away or be silly. He doesn't have much confidence. And I made it worse by showing that I was disapointed in him. He was crying saying that he does try but he can't read the words. The other Mums said it's becuase I don't spend the weekends doing loads of work him him. I do of course do his homework but I just thought that was enough. I suppose my lack of competetivness has not helped.

When we go out I tell him to try to read words but he is just not interested. I do read to him a lot. I don't have the money to pay for private lessons.

Thanks to anyone who can help.

I am so sad for you reading this post.In terms of your son I have read on another thread here (about a child having problems with three languages)that some children do struggle when they are bilingual and may do better just sticking with one language.Has anyone assessed him for dislexia? that would be an obvious thing to start with.Possibly he is just taking a bit longer to learn things,we are all different after all,not all children are going to be top of the class,or need to be anyway.The major issue for me was more how much you are being bullied,you sound trapped in a family who are treating you and your son terribly.Would you leave? Your husband threatening to beat you up? Does he ever hit you? Even if he hasn't yet is sounds as though he will.He is a terrible father who doesn't even sound as though he loves his own son.This is a very bad environment to bring a child up in,and as your son isn't thriving at school either,he must be very sad and unhappy.You sound such a kind person.do you have anyone close who you can turn to for support? Where are your family?

I too think this is so sad. It is not your fault at all - in the end bilingualism is a fantastic thing, a great gift - though it can lead to slowness in grasping things at the start, I have heard. But I do think that the environment you and your son are in sounds difficult and your in-laws are being cruel. It may be that your child has some issues - dyslexia - maybe not - he could just be slow. But the point is that you need to support him and they need to support all of you. Would it be possible to talk with the teachers at the school? They might be able to make suggestions about helping your child or beginning to see if there is extra support he needs in the classroom in order to progress.

Really I just wanted to say keep up your strength, don't blame yourself or think you need to 'hot-house' - but do look out for your son's interests and your own, in what ever way you have to.

I am not an expert with dyslexia, but I think that you need to get this checked out. Age 7 is a good time for an assessment to be carried out.

I think that it is great that he is bilingual, and I have heard that learning how to read in two languages can be difficult for many children. However, it may be that your son is dyslexic and would have struggled even if he only spoke English.

bumping for you-I think the more help the better.

There is a dedicated section on MN for bilingualism. Please think about reposting there, the regulars in that section are very well-informed.

Hully - I am sure you mean well, but suggesting dropping a language contadicts all the research on bilingualism. The very great majority of children can achieve bilingualism given the right conditions. Nt children almost always can and Sn children very, very often can. The worst thing to do is drop a language.

Posting from an pesky iPhone so will post more detail tomorrow from pc.

I was quoting from a recent thread,and the advice there was from someone pretty knowledgable who is a regular poster.I did say that I'd read it on a thread,as it wasn't something I was aware of.I will see if I can link to it.

I can't find it,was very recent,maybe someone will remember.

This is so sad and it sounds like you have a lot of work to do just to get him to gain some self confidence.

Children pick up pressure from their parents, and it sounds like your husband is really horrible (sorry). Do you really want to be around him and his family? It sounds like they are all bullies. No wonder your child is unhappy.

Until this happens, then the academic stuff isnt going to happen. A happy child will learn, an unhappy one wont.

Learning two languages from bilingual parents should be as natural as learning just one so I wouldnt give up on that.

Do the schools help with regards to identifying problems with children? (think about all the posts on here about assessments etc.) It might be he does have some learning difficulities and these would be apparent no matter what language he speaks. can you speak to the teacher to get a point of view?

What language does your child favour? English or Greek? Is he better with the written skills of one over the other?

To encourage maths, there are lots and lots of games you can play to explain encourage and teach the basics. If you know that he struggles to read the questions, then why is the school giving written questions. You need to understand what the school is doing.

Do both children struggle in the same way?

Parents bragging about what their kids can do happens in every country, you have to learn to ignore it. Some parents dont even realise they can be so hurtful and insulting and dont mean to be, they are just happy their child got good rsults and assume all kids do the same.

Do you use computers to help your children? Sometimes by getting them read computer games, or stories on line can be the motivation to help them read, especially if they wont read books. If you are constantly saying "read this, read that" it will switch them off and they refuse.

I really hope things can get sorted out for you. If you want to ask questions or just talk, there are plenty of people on here who will listen to you.

It's one thing learning to speak two languages and another learning to read and write, especially as the languages in question have different scripts.
IMHO if your child is struggling with learning to read, then I would most certainly choose the more important language for the child to learn and leave the other until a later date.
You do seem to have a very complex set of needs, your own as well as your children's.
Perhaps you need to acknowledge this complexity and try and discuss it with your husband, rather than him + family.
If you move your son to a Greek school then you will need to improve your own Greek to help your son. If you stay at English school you need to step up to the mark to do the remdial reading instruction your son needs. By 7.6 most children are reading.

It takes time and you still have plenty of time, don't worry. At the beginning of the year, my DS1 who is 7 was still counting with his fingers( even 3+2) and it was driving me mad, and we did a lot of practice every day starting with 10 min then 20 ... counting is a matter of memory as much as logic.
There a tons of website with games and exercises:

themathworksheetsite.com/
www.mathsinsider.com/who-else-wants-their-child-to-be-lightening-fast-at-mental-maths-%e2%80%93-part-2/
www.bbc.co.uk/skillswise/numbers/wholenumbers/multiplication/timestables/game.shtml
www.coolmath-games.com/
www.ictgames.com/resources.html
www.bbc.co.uk/schools/numbertime/print/add_takeaway/index.shtml
www.amblesideprimary.com/ambleweb/mentalmaths/numberbond.html
www.amblesideprimary.com/ambleweb/mentalmaths/additiontest.html
www.tutpup.com/
www.angelfire.com/tx4/horselovers/coloringpages.html
www.mad4maths.com/math_help/
www.coolmath4kids.com/addition/number-monster-addition-basics.htm
www.leics.gov.uk/index/education/information_about_schools/support_for_schools/sips/aandi-supportteams/ais-primaryimprovementstrategy/ais-numeracy/lgfl_numeracy/teachers_primary/teaching_ideas/number_resources.htm
www.topicbox.net/stats.php
www.printactivities.com/Mazes.html
www.woodlands-junior.kent.sch.uk/maths/
themathworksheetsite.com/
www.woodlands-junior.kent.sch.uk/maths/
www.tutpup.com/
www.woodlands-junior.kent.sch.uk/maths/numberskills.html

For reading, I would suggest that you read to him. Read together, and not only children books, even big pictures book about volcanoes, sea, ... or whatever he likes. Don't ask him to read for a couple of days, but spend plenty of time (couple of hours) reading to him and asking him to turn the pages. May not be easy to find cheap english books so have a look at www. bookdepository.co.uk, they are really cheap and free delivery.
My sons love the Mary Pope Osborne Serie , Geronimo Stilton Kingdom of Fantasy serie, Lilli the witch

Have you talked with his teachers? Could you build up together a working plan?
Greythorne is right, there is a bilingualism section, but I would suggest to post in the Living Overseas section as well.

There are tons
big pictures books

Terrible typing! Time for coffee!

The reason he is struggling with reading is more than likely he has not been taught properly.

I think you need to concentrate on teaching him to read yourself at home.

There are tons of ways to do this. I can recommend dancing bears or toe by toe which are books designed for parents to teach their children. Do it with him every day for 10 - 20 mins.

Def do this before you start thinking about dyslexia.

There are also computer programs which teach children to read. I know of headsprout, reading eggs and clicknkids.

But def the first place to start with is teaching him to read.

Headsprout is very easy to use and I'd recommend it.Do a search on here for others' views.

I'd agree you need to do something as reading is stopping your son accessing the rest of the curriculum.It emphatically isn't his or your fault but I'd take some action as the situation sounds horrible for you both.

The reason he got 0/10 in maths is because of the reading- he wouldnt understand the questions.

Concentrate in thereading side and he will grasp it on his own time, you needto practice at home little and often, say 20 minutes each day.
Go back to basics, things like phonic formation, and then progress at his own rate and he will take off; sometimes you need to go back to move forwards!
I know that from my own experience- my DS was is stage 2 in year 2, and since October I did what I just mentioned- he's moved to stage 6 since!
Ask for extra help at school, but all the productiveness will come from you.
If he's going to Campion school with these fees they best put some support behind him!

Forget what your DH and ILs say- I know very well both the greek and the english education systems as I ve been to greek and English schools, and I was paramount in moving my nephew (Greek) to Campion, as there are many more weaknesses in the greek education- they do move quicker and faster and your DS would have been even more behind and under more pressure in a greek school.
Greek pupils need lots more input from parents, and if you can't help, it would be disastrous- your DH would not help by the sounds of it, so you would be stuck.
So your decision for the english school is the right one.

Children at this age progress at different rates, and yes some use fingers to calculate- they are not backwards; you have nothing to worry about.

You are victim of cultural differences- GPs poke their nose in the academic status in Greek families, because there is such high pressure- ignore them; he's your child.

The best advice (from experience from my little boy who is so similar to yours) is beware of his confidence; if that suffers there is no way forward! It becomes a vicious cycle, that will get worse and worse to get out of; I made many mistakes so take my word for it.

And children can temporarily struggle with bilingualism- it sorts itself out though..
All will be ok, I promise..