Where should she be socially for reception?

[butterpieify]

DD1 is 3.10, and due to start school in september. I'm confident she has the academic (if you can call it that at three) side sorted - she is recognising short cvc words, can write some, can write her name, do simple sums both mentally and on paper, can draw using very basic perspective, knows various facts about the world and is curious to learn more and has an excellent vocabulary (simply because the family do and radio four is on pretty much all the time). She can go to the toilet (has the odd accident, but has it 90% sorted), dress herself, use knife and fork, hold a pen properly, hop skip and jump and so on. All a good basis I think.

My worry is that she is a bit...odd. I asked nursery how she was doing and they told me she is a "character". They read out the last observation they had made of her spending all afternoon rolling out the playdough and cutting it into little squares. Another child sat down nearby and DD1 bossed her into doing the perfect squares too. She corrected my sister when she said her food was in her tummy - "No....it is in your stomach." She tells people she needs a hankie as she has mucus in her nostril. She also insists she has no friends at nursery because they are silly and loud. (She had one friend who she was very attached to, but she isn't his friend any more). She gets very agitated if she sees litter or graffitti because it is very naughty. She tries to disapline her baby sister, shouting at her and pulling her away from things she isn't allowed (eg the tupperware cupboard) but is usually fine with sharing the toys (if the baby plays properly, but we have worked out what toys the baby can play with properly now)

All this is very endearing in a three year old, but what will happen when she gets in the local school- how can I encourage her to play with the other children? Or should I just chill out and she will pick it up? Should I teach her some games to play, or should I just let her work it out herself? I'm worried she will be a goody two shoes, but she misbehaves enough, just in weird ways (spreading instant coffee all over the kitchen and herself, for eg).

Or, essentially, are all school starters little cute weirdos and I should just let her carry on pottering about being odd? This is my preferred option as she is so much fun to be with :)

My nephew sounds very similar to your dd. He's a couple of months older but I would say has advanced academic skills for his age. He does however tell his friends off - he followed one around for half an hour demanding he said "Sorry" for something very minor. He also corrects adults eg "No we don't have 10 fingers we have 8 fingers and two thumbs" etc etc He also finds many boys his age too rough and tumble and prefers to play with older girls. I have no answer to your question really, but am interested to see what other people say as I think my nephew may have the same "issues".

I'm not even sure it is "issues" - she is fine at the moment, I'm just not sure how she will cope with older children breaking rules etc (in fact, I think I can guess...she will tell them off, not good when the children could be as old as 11 and she will be a young four, and the school is known for being a bit rough)

I would work on her not disciplining her sister or dictating how her sister plays with her toys.....

If she can overcome this she will be in a much better place to start school.

If not, school will either knock her 'odd' edges off her pretty quickly - or you'll be having a lot of 'chats' with the teacher after school

How do I do that though? I've tried "just shout for mummy if DD2 does anything silly", I've tried "aren't babies silly, they don't know how to play like you do, but the way she does it is fun too", I've tried never leaving them alone (which quickly becomes very impractical if you need to grab some wipes or wash up etc, and anyway doesn't teach any skills)

Occasionally she decides she is a baby too, with involves babbling and crawling into DD2, knocking her over and throwing and banging toys about. All stuff a one year old does, but weakly so doesn't cause damage (or at least too much) but a big strong three year old can hurt a little baby doing that.

She is good if she has a little mantra to say to herself (eg "kitchens are careful places, they are hot and sharp and slippy")

Sounds like a normal 3 year old. Maybe needs some boundaries ie. listen to peers and not always let her have the last word

Sounds really similar to my 4.5 DS. He's definitely 'his own man' () His nursery are 'working' on his social skills by encouraging play with several other children. They also suggested I shouldn't try to intervene too much, for fear of making him feel insecure, or bad about himself, and I agree.

I guess I'm just taking the view that we'll just see how things go at school. His school-to-be is also pretty rough but they are really hot on behaviour issues so it might be the best place for him to receive help if it's needed.

From all your threads and FB updates, it just sounds like she is adorable! But then I'm biased as my DD has some similar quirks. In fact it's a shame you live the other end of the country as I reckon they'd get on really well!

Anyway... She's still got a while. I think you've got SO much less to worry about than parents of 'naughty' children.

Does she do other social stuff? Classes or drop in groups, to meet a wider range of children?

Reading between the lines does she mostly spend time with adults other than at school?

Do you have playdates? That's a great way for children to learn interaction especially if yr happy to give them freedom and not rush in on every scuffle?
Why not go back to basics a bit and have fun. Make mud pies. Dig for worms normal kids stuff. Even better if she can take a friend.
I hope I'm not coming across as patronising I don't wish too. She seems very adult for a three yo to me so maybe she would benefit from letting her hair down so to speak.

She is at nursery three afternoons atm, and goes to groups a lot the rest of the time. She also visits various relatives of all ages several times a week. She has been in nursery for varying amounts of hours since she was 5 months old, and even when she wasn't in nursery for a while we would spend at least two whole days a week at surestart, and I had a policy of generally ignoring her unless she asked for help, for this reason.

She does dig for worms. Then she puts them in her magnifyer and asks about how they work. She is a geek child!

Don't worry, you're not patronising. I was a geeky quiet child (I didn't have the bossy side - at least not most of the time, although I did used to insist that games were played "properly"- I hated birthday parties because nobody followed the rules) and I would love for her to find it easier interacting with others.

Apparently I was reading my mums medical textbooks (she is a nurse) when I was five, because I was bored of baby books, and I distinctly remember my dad setting me puzzles from his o level maths book when I was in infants (I'm not some kind of genius- I only got a B at GCSE, but I think I liked the challenge, even if it took me ages to do each equation). In fact, DH was apparently up to the same kind of thing (he claims to have never bothered with children's literature, as there is too much adult literature to get through - I think this is an exaggeration personally, his mum is a children's librarian so I doubt she would have stood for that).

Then again, maybe there are other mums in the area worrying about how their child will cope because they need a quiet but bossy friend to talk about really random stuff with?

It sounds like she has inherited your genes then. I wouldn't worry too much, if your childhood memories were happy ones then I'm sure hers will be too It's sounds to me like your doing all the right things to help her socialise and I'm sure she will meet a few like minded friends at primary 3 is very young to have a good friend anyway My dd did at that age but my son flitts about from one child to the next at school. He is 3.2. Has 2 close friends out if school tho. Good luck

My childhood memories (at least at school) were really unhappy :( Hence trying to avoid the same for DD.