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Primary education

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DS1 really struggling with junior school, wondering if he may have some mild SN

10 replies

Pesha · 01/02/2011 20:46

I apologise for this being long, I don't really know whats relevant and whats not and what the problems are IYSWIM. I also apologise for it being completely disjointed, I am just putting everything on the page as I think of it, I hope it makes sense as I would really appreciate some advice.

DS1 is 7, August baby, started in yr3 in Sept. Its quite a large junior school, about 400 children I think and so about 100 in his year. This year they cut the number of yr3 classes from 4 to 3 so ds has about 35 children in his class. His teachers job share so he has one mon-wed and one wed-fri.

DS struggled before towards the end of reception and start of year 1, I actually went as far as taking him to dr and him having blood tests because his behaviou changed so much, he seemed very subdued and tired. All results clear in the end. He had an excellent teacher in yr 1 though and by the end of the yr was doing brilliantly. In yr2 he had 10 min sessions with the SENCO every morning because his writing is at or just below where it is expected for his age but his reading is far ahead. They found no cause for this and it wasn't continued when he changed to junior school. He did well in his SATs, can't quite remember now but all at or above where he 'should' have been.

When he started in Juniors he began having nightmares again and struggling to get to sleep at night. Teachers at parent's evening (in oct I think it was) said he had taken a while to settle in and show what he was capable of but had in the last week or 2 started to settle and do very well. After christmas hols he was keen to return but now keeps asking for days off, still taking a long time to get to sleep and having nightmares at least once or twice a week. Has told of other, older children teasing him at playtimes. He is very sensitive and takes everything to heart. He is also gets very wound up so is a perfect target for bullys as he gives a huge reaction and stomps off in massive, dramatic strop and sulks. I have been trying to encourage him not to give such a reaction since infants.

He says today he told his teacher that a yr 5 boy had been teasing him and had told him that he was a peach with a bum split face (or words to that efect!) and his teacher just laughed. This is the same teacher who, as ds tells it, ripped his work out his book and chucked it on the floor because he had not stuck it in straight. Couple other things that now have me questioning her a bit.

Oh also since xmas he has been having 'one to one intervention' he calls it where he has an hour of one on one time with a teacher. This is because he is still struggling with his writing. At the parent's evening they told me his reading age was 9.5 but his writing age was just below 7.

He says he is struggling with numeracy. They have changed him to 'target table' and he now gets no help with his maths. He doesn't understand the method and gets lots of it wrong so his teacher tells him off and he now has to do it in catch up tomorrow. He thinks he understands the method but then gets it wrong. He says his brain doesn't listen to him and won't do what he wants it to do. There are people on his table that make him laugh and he can't concentrate.

He also started complaining of chest pains a few months ago, particularly in the cold in the mornings but also at other times. Took him to dr but dr believes it is psychsomatic but said to go back i it continues but ds should try not to worry about it. Ds wants to go back as its still there so will prob take him this week.

He is a very sensitive, very affectionate little boy. He has always had lots of friends but no best friend really. When he was little he was unbelievably hard work, constantly on the go and absolutely no control of his emotions, if he felt something it just poured out of him, be that love, anger frustration or whatever. He was never intentionally naughty he just had very little self control and masses of energy. He is still a bit like this now but can now also spend hours just watching tv or playing computer games if he has nothing better to do. He takes an age to get a sentence out and actually seems to be getting worse lately. When he is trying to explain something to me he will go into every little detail, stopping and starting to pick or possibly remember his words. He cannot carry out a conversation or follow instructions if the tv is on in the background! He has very low self esteem lately, one of his teachers commented on this before christma, keeps saying how he is useless or 'just an idiot' and gets really down on himself and defeatist. Cannot take any sort of criticism.

Sitting and talking to him tonight has really upset me. He seems so sad again, I've said I will talk to his teachers and see if they can tell me what the maths is so I can help him with it at home. He wanted to have time off school so I could help him but I said no we can do it evenings/weekends. He really just wants some time off but I told him that would just make it harder when he goes back. He said he wants to just sit on his own to do the work with a teacher nearby to help him when he needs it. I don't know if this is just him adapting to all the changes being so young and over sensitive or if there is something more making learning and socialising harder for him or what. I'm a bit lost really. I want to take him out of the school and take him back to the infant's but obviously can't do that. I'm also thinking perhaps he might be better suited to a much smaller school but thats not really an option either.

OP posts:
Pesha · 01/02/2011 21:35

Anyone?

Have I made this too long and rambled?!

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allag · 01/02/2011 22:08

my heart goes out to you - unbearable to see our DCs sad. I don't have any good advice on what to od (my DCs are little and haven't started school yet) but is there anyone at the school you can have a proper conversation with about all this - the headmaster/mistress? i really don't like the sound of the teacher who laughed at the bullying incident but is there someone else who seem to know what they are doing and who you trust? or a doctor? it sounds as though if he does have any SNs, they are only extremely mild or non-existent - it could just be that he is so sensitive he is finding the large setting is causing him anxiety. but if GPs are supposed to help on various developmental/emotional/psychological aspects of you child's well-being, and if you ahve a good one, could try that? Or even a child psychologist? I am so sorry, i dont; have any ready answers but i am convinced someone here will have an idea of where the best place is to get the support you and your DS need.

Pesha · 01/02/2011 23:09

Thank you Allag. Have been googling and now started another thread in SN as I have woried myself a little!

Not sure about talking to teachers, the one who laughed at him has always seemed absolutely lovely when I've spoken to her so now don't trust my judgement on the other teachers! I don't like the head, I don't think he likes boys very much TBH going on other people's experiences of him and seems to be very much about the children who are doing well for his school, no tolerance of the ones that aren't.

But as ds has 2 teachers I might try talking to the teacher he has in the 2nd half of the week. Actually I need to go to Dr tomorrow for myself so may try and make ds an appointment too and talk to dr and then go to the school with it once I have a medical opinion. Assuming the Dr doesn't just dismiss it all out of hand!!

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Lovetodance45 · 02/02/2011 00:01

Hi Pesha
your DS sounds just like mine.. Also end of August and year 3, struggles with writing..
My DS confidence really dipped last term and he was constantky calling himself a dumbhead due to poor handwriting. I went to see the SENCO and politely but firmly asked that my son be praised and encouraged more.. (his teacher using phrases like sloppyy work were not helpful). If you can approach SENCO who will then discuss with your DS teachers to ensure he gets more encouragement. My son is much happier and more confident now and I am really pleased that I took this action.
Year 3 can be a difficult transition as there are no TA's to support kids/teachers in juniors, they have to work more independently,I know this was a factor for my DS as he adored his year 2 TA.
I have dome a little extra work at home with my DS to boost hiis confidence levels, educationcity is a great online resource that my son enjoys.
I do hope that things get better for your DS and that you feel better about things. Keep us posted..

Chandon · 02/02/2011 09:45

Hello,

Don't know if you work full time?

I have had similar problems with DS, and I started volunteering in the school for his year.

Partly to help, partly to "spy" really and get a "feel" for the school.

I noticed that my DS was really quite happy playing with other kids at playtime (despite his protestations he has no friends. I think children can genuinely feel this way, but the truth may be it's not that bad IYSWIM)

I noticed that the teacher is quite strict, but as a result has a lot of discipline in the class (35 kids as well!), which suited DS.

I noticed that my DS was put in spelling groups for the year below (all the others in his "butterflies" or whatever group were Year 2!). they kept this so vague at the parent meeting...

It helped me see things clearly, and also gave me the power of knowledge when talking to the teacher.

My advice is to go and talk to the teacher, and ask for strategy to get your DS to settle in better (What can she do, what can you do). I'd be very careful with any accusations. if you work with the teacher, you get furthest.

Chandon · 02/02/2011 09:49

PS, my DS is SEN (not the same as SN), and he gets help for

Reading
writing
social-emotional skills (the "lack" of friends)

It started with "Early Intervention" and he is now on 3 IEPs (Individual Education Plans) for these 3 areas.

We're not there yet, but we're working on it.

For him, the fact that it's a small school (100 kids in total) really helps, but that is not option for everyone.

sarahfreck · 02/02/2011 14:14

Ok - here's my thoughts ( as someone who used to teach lower juniors and now tutors children at a variety of ages and stages).
Lots of children can find the transition between infants and juniors tricky. Sometimes there seems to be quite a jump in the amount of work they are expected to produce and the amount they are expected to work independently. This can lead to temper tantrums, frustration etc.
However, given the discrepancy between his writing and reading skills and his obvious frustration and comments about his "brain not listening to him", I'd be looking to get an assessment for dyspraxia. this can affect not only areas of motor control, but also thought organisation, ability to follow instructions and social skills. Your GP should be able to refer you to a paediatric occupational therapist who can assess for this. Mild dyslexia can also show itself more in writing problems than in reading ones, but I'd suggest dyspraxia would be the thing to look at first.

With respect to the teacher laughing at him. It is very easy for teachers inadvertently to misjudge the situation and not realise that a child is actually quite upset. She may have thought that it was said in a jokey tone rather than a bullying one and reacted accordingly. It is very hard to be entirely in tune with every child in the class. The teachers do need to know that he is getting regularly upset about teasing by older boys at playtimes and about his nightmares, and about how he keeps referring to himself as "just an idiot" so I'd mention this to his teacher in a "bit concerned about ds - what do you advise" sort of way too!

moid · 02/02/2011 14:24

My heart goes out to you - I have an August born sensitive DS who is quick to give offence but can't take it back.

Yr 3 was a nightmare, school really balled up, now he is in year 5 although mostly ok his self esteem is shot to pieces and his stock response to any new experience is NO.

Deal with it now, get the school on side because it is only going to get worse.

Pesha · 02/02/2011 21:20

Hi, thank you for all replies, I have read them through the day but not had a chance to reply till now but I really do appreciate everyone's input.

I made ds1 a drs appointment today, didn't mention I thought it was anything in particular just that I was concerned about the problems he is having at school, his fine motor control, attention issues, social etc and said I would like to have him assessed. The Dr said I need to talk to the school nurse who will assess him and send their report to ds's Dr and if they also have concerns then they will refer ds but h e can't do it on just my word. The school don't have an actual nurse as far as I'm aware but I assume the SENco can do this.

So I plan to talk to his nice teacher (mrs H) tomorrow am and arrange to sit down and have a proper talk with her about all my concerns and also to see the SENco, either at the same time or in a seperate appointment. I have spoken to his teachers a bit about my concerns but it has always been a quick 5 minutes about just one aspect, most recently it has been the teasing from other children, but I have never sat down and spoken to them propely about everything that is going on so will make sure that I do.

I'm not sure what to do about the other teacher (Mrs B), ds said again this morning about the ripping incident and it turns out she actually held his work up to the class and said 'is this how we do sticking in?', and then ripeed it out and chucked it on the floor and has ds in tears. DD is in yr5 and has said Mrs B is known to be 'angry and mean'. But I don't want to accuse her of anything for fear of making things worse. I think I will mention to Mrs H that there have been a few things happen with Mrs B that have upset DS and maybe talk to Mrs B herself but make it more about ds being sensitive and needing a gentler approach than criticising her for anything IYSWIM.

Sarahfreck - very interesting you should say dyspraxia as that is actually what I started the other thread about. Its something I'd never really heard of it much but seen it mentioned a few times on here with brief comments about some of the symptoms. I googled the symptoms in children last night and was quite shocked how many of them ds has. I have been getting a lot of responses on the other thread too and finding myself repeating things now so will link to other thread in a minute. Was silly to start 2 threads I know but did this one before I googled anything and as this one was so garbled I thought I'd try a more specific post.

I wonder if some of DS's rambling conversational skills and talking for ages before getting to the point and going into ridiculous amounts of detail might just be inherited from me!!

OP posts:
Pesha · 02/02/2011 21:22

My dyspraxia thread

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