What should I do?

[Blef1974]

Over this last week my 5 year old's (year 1) teacher has been stopping me after school. On Monday she handed me DD's workbook and asked me what I thought. DD had written 4 words and drawn 3 pictures all day!

Obviously I wasn't impressed, and told the teacher so. She said that DD would have to stay in for breaks if this continued.

The next day was even worse. And nothing improved over the week. Teacher said DD was not concentrating and wasn't applying herself. At home DD does her homework, she happily did extra writing for me.

Over the week DD lost most of her break-times and her "golden time" which they have on Friday afternoons where they can play with toys. On break times she had to do things like separate bananas for fruit time. At golden time she was made to sit with the teacher all afternoon instead of being allowed to join in the activities going on.

On speaking to DD she says she has no friends in her class and at breaktimes she plays with reception children and at lunchtime sits with reception children. I didn't know this before.

I feel the teacher is being rather harsh. Apparently DD doesn't distract the other children, she just sat last week staring into space most of the time.

This is so unlike DD and makes me feel so sad. I don't know what to do.

This is a problem with the teacher failing to engage with your DD. You need to go and have a good chat with her. Don't necessarily believe the no friends in the class thing, it's a very common thing for kids to say!

That was exactly what I thought! I said the very same thing to my friend, used the same "failing to engage" as you. Pleased that I'm not the only person who thinks that way.

This sounds incredibly informal for Year 1. What 'work' are they doing. It should be lots of fun activities to engage them in learning, not be seen as 'hard work'. All that is going to happen is that your DD is going to get turned off from learning. Particularly if she continues to lose her free time.

In my school Year One are supported with learning and if they aren't doing the activities then it could be that it is not being differentiated enough. The only time children lose break times in our Infant dept. is mainly due to poor behaviour, not just to failure to complete work. I'd be questioning the school about this.

I think its incredibly harsh tbh.

My DS (also in yr1) has "golden time" on a friday too and if his teacher feels the need to "punish" a child they only miss 5mins of it iyswim.

I also think break time is incredibly important as it gives them a chance to recharge their batteries. I would not be happy at all if missing break time was a punishment.

Really harsh! At DD's school they had a reward system - the kids got a piece of poundshop rubbish great prize every single time they wrote in their books. I think it is awful - and bizarre - that she is getting punished for not working hard enough at this age. And it is terrible that she is losing her break times.

I wouldn't tell the teacher you are not impressed - four words and three drawings is pretty good for a five year old IMO. Your daughter sounds unhappy. I would definitely ask for a meeting with the teacher so that you can stand up for your daughter and make it clear that she is stressed and seems to be struggling with friendships. And if that doesn't work very quickly, go to the head.

I worry about the effect of this on her. She is getting mixed messages. Two weeks ago she was star of the week, but now she's being kept in. Her behaviour is always good, so I'm told. But I have had the teacher come and talk to me above her "not drinking her milk quick enough at snack time" before, and she has been given an amber face on their traffic light charts for that. Green is good, Amber is a warning, red is a consequence.

She has never been keen on "writing". When she was in nursery we noted that she didn't like mark making on paper. She is not keen on drawing either. I encourage her to write and draw at home but she wouldn't choose it for herself tbh in child-led activities. I want to support my DD in her education but I dont feel that it's as big an issue as the teacher is making it into, and really want to tell her to back off her a bit. (not that I would, but I feel that).

Thanks for your replies. I feel confident enough now to go back and express my opinion on this. Any more advice is very much appreciated.

Sorry to revive this. I'm livid. Since the last time I posted on this things are just the same. Same comments all the time, then 10 days or so ago I bought DD a couple of school dresses, you know the kind you get at Tesco (checky ones) and she wore one the next day to school. When I was helping her get dressed the next day she said "Miss XXXX says I'm not allowed to wear a dress again. She says she can see my knickers at carpet time and I need to wear trousers." Now show me a little girl who hasn't had the problem of her knickers being on show whilst sitting crossed legged on a carpet at the age of 5 and I'll be very surprised. DD is quite a modest little girl anyway, and said that she hadn't meant to show her knickers. But hey when I was at school we did handstands in the playground and our knickers would be on show, and even now if the children forget their PE kits at DD's school they do it in their vests and pants.

It really was just the end of a long line of things that I thought was just petty. So I went and spoke to the headmaster. I explained that we had been having trouble with things such as taking too much time at milktime drinking her milk, not writing enough at free work time, this comment with her dress (and how I wouldn't be stopping her wearing her new dresses as several other girls in the class wear able to wear them) and several other things that had been mentioned and how I felt this teacher was picking on petty things and singling my DD out. I also said that me and my ex-DP work hard with DD but there is often a gap of two weeks before a reading book is changed, despite parents asking when books will be coming out, and they only get homework once or twice a term.

A meeting was arranged with the teacher and before I could say anything she said, in a very condescending voice, "Would you like to come in and see what I have to control a class full of children?" This felt very intimidating to me and really left me unable to articulate how I was feeling. I have so much respect for teachers, I don't envy their job, but I don't want to be patronised.

Anyway this meeting was very frustrating for me and I came out feeling I had got no-where. So I was really upset tonight when DD burst into tears and sobbed "I hate school. Miss XXXX hates me. I try to do my best but she just shouts at me. She shouted at me today for forgetting my finger spaces."

I feel like this teacher is having such a negative effect on my DD. I really don't know what to do next.

I think you need another meeting but maybe with support [your ex partner?]. Maybe before meeting make sure they have written copy of your concerns so that you can't be fobbed off or sidelined. If you feel it would help perhaps copy letter to the governors. I'm not sure... but it can't be left like this. Good luck.

It really does sound like there is a clash. My daughter went through a similar thing in a previous school. I had the same thing at pick ups. With my DD she escalated behaviour so we would do something about it! DD even had her reward chart ripped off the wall because she wouldn't tell the teacher about something that had happened to her during playtime. (She was frightened she wouldn't be believed because the kids involved were seen as "good") Thankfully I warned the school that I had never ever seen my daughter so upset and down right angry (wouldn't you be if your reward chart - positioned next to everyone else's and you were ahead was ripped down) and you felt it was unfair. I'm glad I did because it ended up with us removing her from school until we could get it to a point where she was being treated in the correct way.

All this had come to a head over a few months. We were about to move so after a conversation with the deputy principals, the teacher and another teacher we were able to get through another 2 months. If we had stayed in the school I would have tried to move to a different class.

I just want to add that I was more aware of what was going on because my friends had seen it first hand. The interactions weren't right and DD felt "got at". Other kids were starting to notice as well and I think felt like they could speak to DD in a similar way to the teacher :(

Thankfully my DD has a great teacher now. She's strict, straight but very fair and that is exactly what she needed to bounce back.

It's a hard call as to how to deal with your situation. You probably are best positioned to decide. My DD didn't really hang in there enough for us be able to sit out the remainder of the year and I hope your child doesn't reach that stage where their behaviour slides. We were, also, basically told by the deputy principal that she couldn't change class because she'd find the work too easy (that's another story about the school system - DD is very average (my guess) in the UK). It's hard to know what action to take in these situations.

Good luck. Thoughts with you and your DD.

write your concerns down, with examples and dates, include what your daughter said, and i think it is another trip to the head, preferably with some support from a confident friend. write to the governos too. i hope someone comes along and gives you good advice.

ask to see any policies that you think might be relevent... (err bit thick tonight so not much help)

I'm going to write a letter I think. There isn't the option of changing her class, there is only one class in each year, but this situation can't continue. DD's confidence is being torn to bits by this teacher. I know that my DD is not an isolated case. There are other parents who are unhappy with the way this teacher treats the 5 and 6 year olds in her care.

Thanks for your support x

I think the teacher is out of order. Big time. I would include all of the examples you have given here in a letter addressed to the head teacher saying that you wish to persue a formal complaint.

If other mums who's children are having issues were to speak to the head about the issues they having then that would help the head to see the full picture so she can resolve these problems.

What a horrible year for your daughter. I do hope she recovers her confidence.

Sounds as though your daughter's teacher felt quite threatened by the issues you raised - hence the condescending comments about how much she had to do!

I've made another appointment with the headteacher for tomorrow. I'm going to write a letter tonight complaining about the way that the teacher has made my DD feel, and make a copy of it for the Governors too. My family support worker is coming with me to ensure that I am able to get my points across.

Wish me luck, I don't want to get this teacher into trouble, but I do want to make sure that the children in her care don't feel distressed when they are with her.

Thanks for your help once again.

Hope this goes well for you, I had a similar problem with DS in year 3 and it is horrible.

Good luck Blef1974, if it doesn't work out for you it is really easy to move schools. It is not only your daughter who is not happy with the school you sound like you have lost all confidence in them too (quite rightly).

That sounds very harsh. 3 pictures and 4 words sounds very good for a 5 year old! I suppose it depends how big the pictures are, but I'd be happy with even 3 doodles. I remember doing no writing at all aged 5, and the pictures were splashing paints onto big blank sheets; we certainly didn't have workbooks. Most of my buddies from that preschool, as well as myself, went on to get very good grades at GCSE and A Level and go on to university. Workbooks? For an under 8? Being punished for not writing enough? Is this what our school system has become? - boot camp? Sounds abusive to me, IMHO. (although I know many people will post that workbooks and homework for reception and year one are now the norm....) I still think it is not a good education practice and will only result in poorer achievement as many kids will get fed up of all the hard grind at so young an age.

Yes, I agree - best to speak to the headteacher about what is going on. The teacher certainly seems to be undermining your daughter (and the other kids who have gone through the same thing)- I think it even sounds a tad abusive.