How do I support my DD

[perhapstomorrow]

I'm sorry if this goes on a bit - need some help in a few areas.

DD (5) is in year 1 and is really struggling with her reading. Still on the first books you get with words. Anyway, the school have told me she is getting extra support in class and they will be referring her to the SENCO. She totally relies on memorising the story or using the picture to guess the words. She can sound out individual letters but is unable to blend them properly.

What exacerbates her problem is that she is a perfectionist. If she cannot do something then she gets very upset, says she can't do it and then doesn't even bother trying. She just not want to fail.

Anyway, they have only just started getting homework and now I have an additional problem of trying to juggle her doing her homework and looking after her younger sister and brother (DD2 is 3 DS is 1).

So I suppose I've got three areas which I'd like advice on.

1. How to help DD read when she is struggling so much.

1. How can I help her overcome the perfectionist in her and get her to just try and have a go and not to worry if she makes a mistake. She makes so much fuss at the moment that I do find it hard to be patient.

1. How do you juggle homework with little ones. When do you find it best to do homework\reading?

Thanks for bearing with me on this post and I look forward to your suggestions\advice.

Have you tried any computer-based learning? I'm asking as my DS1 is a bit of a perfectionist, but doesn't mind making mistakes if it's only the computer that sees (if you know what I mean). We've been doing Reading Eggs and have found it quite helpful at reinforcing the phonics and gently introducing blending, and it's quite fun for the DS1 (and DS2) too, and no pressure.

Re juggling homework/reading with little ones - if anyone finds an answer I'd like it (at the moment I do reading with DS1 after breakfast and before school while the others are playing, as he's at his most amenable then).

I don't have much advice except for number 3 as I have a school aged child and a younger child. I use two approaches. I either give DS (2) some 'homework' of his own normally consisting of some pens and paper so he feels he is included when DD and I look at her homework or I put him to bed early so I can concentrate on her.

The other two points I can only hazard a guess that you encourage and set an example. IE, Talk about how you tried at something and made a mistake but it didnt matter. Maybe put empahsis on how you react when she makes a mistake but has tried "well done you tried really hard there. Thats great". MAybe encourage reading without books, such as signs when you are out and about.

I'm going to quickly jot down a few ideas as they spring to mind as I'm about to put dc to bed. Didn't want to read and run as I have similar issues with dd wrt perfectionist tendancies...

1. enjoy books together, take the pressure OFF. Read to her loads. I bought some bath time letters (elc i think) that dd played with. Make a game of it, learning sounds, blends and words but no pressure.

2)dd1 is perfectionist and it drives me mad, it inhibits her so much. It is my belief that I have contributed to this issue with my ott praising of her, often minimal, achievements. Looking back I think this put a strain on her to achieve. I have since backed off with the, "well done clever girl" chat and praise the effort not the result if it so deserves praise. It's a personal thing and may be of no relevance to you whatsoever, but I believe it to be at the root of dd issues. Incidently, since my cooling off of praise, she has improved and is willing to stick her neck out a bit. I have indirectly taken the pressure off her.

3)Toughie. Maybe suggest that she "read" the younger ones a story while you get tea ready or something. For a while my dd would only read if i was out of the room and she would line up her dollies and pretend to be the teacher. I couldn't hear if or what she was reading but she had a book in her hand so that was a step forward.

Must dash now kids are late upstairs, hope someone far more knowledgable comes along soon width some sound advice, good luck.

x post seville and feeling sensitive

Gosh, i was coming on to post something similar. my dd is in yer 1, probably very average but reading has definately taken a dip and she is less keen than she was. like the novelty has worn off.
She went up a level a week or so ago but found it too hard a jump for her confidence...it was this perfectionist thing again! She HATES sounding out wrongly in front of me and the books are now too hard to learn/guess as easily.

We have dropped a reading level for the mo and I have started a star chart to try to get her enthusiasm back.

Thanks chocolateorange. I do praise very often but would never have thought this would make her a perfectionist. Recently, my husband and I have change tack slightly and reward\praise for trying and not the outcome. Perhaps if I back off the praise for minor things this may make a difference. I will certainly try.

Seville- we have been using computer based learning. She is on Mathletics (not sure if you've heard of it). Not sure if it's actually worse because of the instant results. She gets really upset when she gets something wrong and looses heart. She also does the Mathletics Live which is brilliant when she is winning against her opponents but she gets very frustrated when she is being beaten. Hard lesson to learn about not winning in everything!

Thanks for all your other replies.

I'd really agree with the praising for effort rather that achievement thing.

You can get 3 free episodes of Headsprout to try her on if you want.

My ds kills himself laughing whilst doing it and is doing really well.

Can I just say OP, you could have been talking about my dd1. She is in Year 1 and exactly the same! I had to change her school for her delay in reading to even be noticed, let alone acted upon. She now has interventions 5 times a week. She doesn't need an IEP as reading is her only weak area, her writing is above average for her age, so the reading is a bit of a sticking point. To make matters worse, I am a teacher, so feel I should be able to 'solve' dd's problems, yet she gets irrate with me, and I seem to have little patience with her .

Good luck, Lord knows we need it too!!