Annoyed Teacher

[mumreallyistheword]

In our DSs reception class they have a toy reward system set up: a child is given one of two fluffy toy hippos to take home if it has performed well in its work or if it has been nice to other children. Assuming this system works as fairly as the teacher has said it does (despite the headmaster's DD having received the hippos on at least 3 occasions), DH and I have become concerned that DS has never been given either hippo to take home even though we have not had any complaints either about his work or her behaviour.

As DS has been going on about these hippos, DH thought it'd be a good idea to ask the teacher what more we could do at home with him to help him get a hippo.

The teacher got really annoyed and said that it is a fair system and, in other words, DS was not as good at his work nor nice enough to other children.

All of which is, if disappointing, fine and acceptable.

The thing is is that the teacher has stopped speaking to me when I drop DS off in the morning and goes out of her way to avoid me.

It is upsetting and worrying as we didn't think it was a big issue but have obviously touched a nerve or something.

I feel that I should broach the subject with her to clear the air but a) don't get the chance as she always turns and leaves when I enter the room and b) am not sure what to say.

We would never have mentioned this if we'd have known it would cause problems and now feel unable to ever ask anything of her again.

The teacher is acting completely unprofessionally and I suggest you request a proper appointment time to talk over things. Tell her her leaving the room when she sees you is very rude. Just because she is your child's teacher doesn't give her the right to treat you without respect.

I hate with a passion incentives like fluffy hippos and toys to bring home for "Good work or being kind in class" - what's wrong with a praise mark system in class? All children can work hard within their abilities or help others, and I can appreciate why your son is upset, especially when children see the same child/ren being chosen all the time. I'd definitely try to speak to the teacher, it seems a shame that bad feeling seems to have been created because of something so daft.

Totally inappropriate behaviour; she seems to be totally led by her emotions IMO. I would make an appointment to discuss and if there is a problem doing this (if she continues to avoid you etc.) then escalate the problem to the head. Stick to your guns about this being an innocent query and that it never meant to (and in fact bloody well shouldn't have) offend(ed).

I understand why you asked. My Reception age son is waiting for his turn to get Jasper the bear to bring home. Nobody has had him twice and I've been wondering if it's alphabetically done as our surname is T but if one child has had it 3 times then it can't be that...

I would talk to the teacher and explain that you weren't trying to attack them. You just wanted to check that he was doing well at school and it's not impossible that a child might get overlooked because of illness etc.

My oldest has been one of the children who are picked more than their fair share while my younger 2 tend to be overlooked and assume that not being picked means that they are not kind/hard working etc.

I hate this. My dc was one of the children never picked and became so upset about it that I had to introduce a similar reward scheme at home to compensate. I think you should ask if any record is kept of the times each child is given the reward. After about a year of heart searching on my part (not wanting to be seen as a pushy parent) I asked my dc's teacher why my dc hadn't ever been given the reward, bearing in mind the dc had often been praised by the teacher for excellent work . The teacher said she hadn't realised my dc had missed out as she never kept a note of which pupil got it and how often. My dc got the reward the following week.

I wouldn't be happy with this. From your OP it sounds like the work-related one is based on achievement rather than effort, though I could be wrong.

That'd put struggling DCs at a disadvantage, no? And demotivate them more?

Take my twin DSDs for example - one coasts through, finds everything easy, makes no effort but does fairly well - she would get the hippo. The other, dyslexic, but puts so much hard work in but due to her difficulties often still gets poor marks (compared to her peers - for her, they are great, we are so proud) - it seems like by the teacher's rules she wouldn't get the hippo :(

Most teachers who operate this system would do it systematically. Anybody good teacher would find a reason for every child to take the hippo home - how is it a motivating system if they know that they have no hope of achieving the expected standard? :-(

*Any

She's probably just as fed up with this system as you are! These things are usually recorded somewhere so everyone gets a go. Do you actually know about the three times for the other child or is this what your ds says? Are you SURE she is cold-shouldering you and you are not imagining it? E.g. You are the one not saying hello first in the mornings so she thinks YOU have the arse with her? Just a thought. Hope you get it sorted and the bad feeling passes.

I'm a primary teacher and we have 2 toys that go home every Friday for the weekend.
@lovecheese, I can only speak for myself but they act as far more than an incentive. The toys are more like class mascots and we use them in lots of our lessons, but from my point of view - the chn take them home with a little diary and they record what they do together at the weekend. I LOVEE getting them back and we share them together, it gives me a chance to see recount writing, an insight into chns lives at home as well as speak and listening when sharing it and the chn and parents seem to absolutly love it to.
As I have 2 toys (and a checklist) I make ssure everyone gets to take at least one of them home each term.

As for this teacher i'm not sure why they are acting that way - is it just you they are being like that with or is it just a bad week to catch them?

I would make an appt to speak to her about it. I had similar treatment re changing groupings, and since we, or should I say DH who is a teacher, spoke to her, she has been really nice to me. There is no excuse for rudeness

Very unprofessional of her - you've clearly struck a nerve. Did you mention the head's DD having it three times? Perhaps she is defensive as she'd done it unconsciously and now feels awkward about appearing to toady to the boss!

I agree with everyone else that unless they make up a reason for praise for each child then it's pointless and heart breaking for many children

If you do decide to speak to her tell her that your child is made to think that he is not important enough and is worried and upset. If as you said his work is good he still doesn't qualify then who does? The top 5? Very elitist I say! And I thought that the weaker ones needed incentives to do better as they brighter ones would achieve well any day!

I tick off children on a class list to make sure they all a chance to be "star of the week" as it is impossible to remember who has had what. However they do have to have a good reason to earn the reward and I have had some children having had it 3 times and other only once. Interestingly I have a few very bright children who I find it hardest to come up with a reason for them to earn it as, to be honest, they are rather lazy and I judge them on what they are capable of not against others in the class!!