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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

I see the same parents talking to the reception teacher (TAs) after the lessons regularly

41 replies

Octavia09 · 26/01/2011 11:33

I do not know what is the reason they talk to the teachers but judging by the kids I would not say this is because of their behaviour. I think they talk about the child's progress. I think this is pretty normal but I see them doing it quite often, at least once a week. Is it normal? May be I should start doing it as well or shall I just wait for the teachers to call me?

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LoisSanger · 26/01/2011 11:36

If you have anything you want to talk to the teacher about then do it. If you don't then don't. Just because other people talk to the teacher doesn't mean you have to - you also don't know what they are discussing.

Carrotsandcelery · 26/01/2011 11:36

It could be that there child has any number of problems. eg: eating their lunch, toiletting issues, anxiety about work problems, being picked on at school etc that are not technically work related. It would amaze you the things I have had to discuss with teachers at pick up!

DilysPrice · 26/01/2011 11:38

I agree with carrots, their DCs are probably wobbly/tearful/incontinent. Or maybe the parent is not confident about homework supervision and needs to ask questions.

onepieceoflollipop · 26/01/2011 11:40

The teacher will soon approach you if there is an issue of any sort. Parents' evening will be the time the teacher gives you general feedback re your own child.

My friend's ds (to an outside observer) has no issues. However I know (because she has confided in me) that he has behavioural problems and she has regular meetings with the teacher/Head/SENCO. As Carrots says, there are many issues that the parents may need to discuss.

Don't think any more of it.

Flowergarden1 · 26/01/2011 11:41

Yes, I see the same parents monopolising the teacher every day. Whenever I try to have a word with her for whatever reason, I find it very difficult to get past the phalanx.

JamieLeeCurtis · 26/01/2011 11:42

Sorry if I'm going to sound a bit bitch now, but there are a few people who are excessively anxious about their DCs when they start school and tend to want to talk to the teacher every day. That's fine, but I remember it used to piss me off a bit that these were the ones who seemed oblivious to everyone else and would muscle in to the front when the teacher was trying to get the DCs out of the class.

OTOH - there will be others whose child has issues at home, who are going through a tough time, or who have SN or behavioural difficulties they might need an update on. It's not always easy to tell which is which.

Don't feel the need to talk to the teacher - they will tell you if anything noteworthy has happened.

scrappydappydoo · 26/01/2011 11:45

DD1 is in reception - so far I've had a quiet word with the teacher about an inappropriate library book, a very minor friendship/bullying incident and to let her know that a close relative had died. Nothing particularly important just as and when something crops up, we can get feedback on schoolwork at parents evening in a few weeks..

Cortina · 26/01/2011 11:56

Hmm. Our school is one where those who start ahead tend to stay ahead. We had a few mother's early on insisting that their children were particularly bright. They needed to be going up a reading level/guided reading group/maths group etc. These were the people having 'conversations' with the teachers right from the start.

Curiously, they were usually listened to and these 'intelligent' children were thus 'made' rather than born IMO.

By Y1 this was yet more prevalent. I didn't do it at all I have to say, even when I thought my son merited going up a level/set etc I trusted the teacher to do what was best.

Last year the Y1 teacher admitted to me that the pressure had been immense to do as the parents requested, those in the top set really needed to buck up etc. These same parents were consolidating the curriculum at home on a daily basis. Their children thus pulled further ahead and ended up receiving different work, work that my son was more than capable of IMO.I wish I had spoken out earlier and been more 'visible' at school.

Our school, in Y1, had general ability sets - not differentiated for english or maths and movements were very rare. So those brilliant sparks in reception were the same ones in the top set at the end of Y1.

By Y2 it's the same old story. Finally my son is almost sitting where his current attainment suggests he should be, but I can honestly say if I hadn't said or done anything this wouldn't be the case at all. He's quiet in a large, noisy class of 30.

Not every school works in this way but given what I know now next time around I plan to be rather more pushy and rather more visible shall we say :).

Cortina · 26/01/2011 11:57

Sorry mothers, not mother's! :)

Carrotsandcelery · 26/01/2011 12:01

Cortina it is the same in our school. The teacher told me not to worry as it all sorts itself out as they progress up the school. That has certainly been true for my dd (9) and her classmates. Those who are not moved quickly at the beginning tend to "catch up" in the end. Some who are pushed too fast don't have that solid base and struggle later on. It is frustrating but it will sort itself out.

Original poster

Octavia09 · 26/01/2011 12:05

You are right, there are so many issues to talk about. I just worry that if I do not talk then they might think I am not into my child's studies. He is at FY and does not get any homework except a book once a week. So, I thought may be other parents discuss extra homework. Do you think a teacher would (should) be bothered to tell me about my child's academic progress? May be I just worry too much; he is still at foundation.

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Original poster

Octavia09 · 26/01/2011 12:20

I had a moment when I had a talk with a teacher. Funny, the mum who always talks to the teachers asked me whether I was allright. And then on one ocasion my DS was upset and she asked the teacher what was the problem (she told me about it herself and asked whether he was ok). The teacher did not tell her the true reason (it was something minor; I think he was just one of the last children to leave the class room; he started to feel a little bit anxious but this was right at the beginning).

I do not really feel comfortable bothering teachers after the lessons. I will find out about the next parental evening. If this comes in a few months then I talk to them before that otherwise I wait.

One thing I think that I should work harder with my DS. One book a week is not enough in my opinion. We read stories every day. He plays and watches TV, nothing really else. Sometimes if he is in a mood we do crafts, drawing etc.

OP posts:

JamieLeeCurtis · 26/01/2011 12:22

Don't let other people's pushiness and anxiety infect you. At this age your child's happiness and social well-being are the most important thing (actually at every stage).

The MOST I'd do is to just catch the teacher's eye every now and again and say - everything OK? Be friendly and approachable. I'm sure some teachers find the pushy one's a pain in the arse

IndigoBell · 26/01/2011 12:23

They definitely will not be talking about academic progress every week. It is just not really measured in that fine a grain.

For example in later years they are meant to move up 2 sub levels a year! So talking about progress any more than half a term a waste of time....

JamieLeeCurtis · 26/01/2011 12:24

X posted - if your DS is happy and keen to do more reading, do more, but it should be enjoyable. At the beginning or reception they are usually exhausted.

Oh and don't know where that apostrophe in ones came from .....

Hullygully · 26/01/2011 12:27

They have secret plans and cunning tricks

13lucky · 26/01/2011 12:28

My dd is in reception and if your child was in my dd's class, you would probably be wondering what I was talking to the teacher about as my dd doesn't look like she would have behavioural problems either (which she doesn't) and doesn't look any different to any of the other children. However, she has two medical conditions which mean I need to take her out frequently for hospital appointments and physio etc and so I have had to have quite a few chats with the teacher updating her on this and telling her when my dd won't be there.

Please don't worry - I'm sure the teacher will tell you if there are any problems or anything you should be doing.

I have never discussed 'work' with the teacher. But then fundamentally I think in reception they should be learning through play and I don't think they should be getting homework. My dd gets a reading book once a week (which only started three weeks ago) and that's it which is fine by me. My dd is far too tired after school to do anything else.

lovecheese · 26/01/2011 13:32

God, we have a few in my DDs infant class, always the same ones dithering about in the morning catching the teacher when the teacher probably wants to start the day, and at pick-up time closest to the door to scrutinise book bags and catch teacher again - I almost think they are waiting for teacher to say something wonderful about their DC's.

MrsDaffodill · 26/01/2011 13:37

The last few times I've been called over to talk to the teacher or have gone over myself, my reception child (who I would regard as well-behaved and with no issues):

had needed a change of clothes as some water play got out of hand
had needed a change of clothes as she wet her pants when she couldn't go at a local venue they were at and had to walk back and nearly but not quite made it in time
had seemed very tired so it was suggested she had a couple of half days
needed eye test arrangements confirmed
had a big bruise on her face
had said she had a sore tummy
had been going to the toilet with a friend and making poo noises!

Also I volunteered to be one of the helpers they needed for local walks.

Nothing to do with progress or pushiness!

I would try not to worry.

JamieLeeCurtis · 26/01/2011 13:43

yes, didn't mean to imply it's always pushiness. There's just a couple of people who get my goat (still do and mine's in year 5), and extrapolating wildly from there

UniS · 26/01/2011 19:25

I had a chat with YR teacher on pick up yesterday. No reason at all, nothing preplanned, just I was about the last parent to show up to pick up.

rickymummy · 26/01/2011 19:44

I was probably one of those mums last year - both the teacher and I were trying to move house, and were swapping notes.

Teacher this year is lovely, but I know her father through a completely different circle, so am keeping my head down to some extent!

BeerTricksPotter · 26/01/2011 19:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Eveiebaby · 26/01/2011 20:28

My DD has special needs so I do talk to TA maybe once/twice a week just for an update on how things are going. If she has had a bad day TA will talk to me at collection time. Unless you knew my DD had special needs she would not particularly stand out as being different when you see her in the class with 29 others!!
I know DD's teacher would not be having a general chit chat with parents about general progress - we have three open evenings a year which is when academic progress is discussed.
I guess it really depends on the school but I would imagine most discussions with parents at the end/beginning of the day are about medical or behavioural (which does not always mean bad behaviour) issues.

stoatsrevenge · 26/01/2011 20:37

They're the ones who can't be arsed to write questions in home reading diaries and always need the attention of the teacher.
(see AIBU)

(Not talking about your kind of meeting with teacher Eveiebaby )

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