Rude teachers paying lip service

[daisysue2]

Is it just my dds high performing large primary or does anyone else have the same problem. Teachers who just nod and say mmm when you talk to them but you know they aren't taking a blind bit of notice of you.

When you make a complaint or just a suggestion it is met with aggression and defensiveness from the teacher rather than a reasoned response.

Any thoughts on dealing with these teachers and head teachers would be greatly appreciated. Also is it just our school.

Maybe they are too busy to listen to what they see as pointless suggestions from parents?

How you present your complaints or suggestions is good indicator of how they will be received.

If you are constantly getting this reaction from different teachers then I would look at how you are wording things.

can you give us some more details?

Otherwise I would say always book a meeting with the teacher, catching people on the run is not always conducive to good communication.

catching us on the run isn't a great idea, but if it's important I'd try and discuss something there and then. If I can't, I always suggest that a parent comes for a chat straight after school that day if possible. End of the day is always less stressy in terms of time. A polite teacher should never be afraid of saying "I'm really sorry, I can't talk now, but woud you like to come discuss this when you collect XXX?"

Had asked teacher to call me three days earlier, finally she called me just before end of play today. Phone call registered as four minutes on my phone. It's so obvious that she called me at this time so she would have an excuse to end the conversation when the class came back. Didn't finish the talking about the issue I was concerned about, in fact she changed it half way through into a completely different subject, then said she had to go. Believe me this was quite a serious issue as far as I was concerned. Nothing critical of her or anyone else in the school just a personal issue.

I have sent her an email going over the issues I wanted to cover and explaining that I hadn't been able to cover them during the conversation. I just feel it's a management issue and that the head is very rude so it's an acceptable way to treat parents. This is only my second conversation with the teacher, the first was purely an introduction.

I'm sure there is a course the head runs on how to be rude to parents so they never bother you again.

Sounds awful. By contrast, I rang my DD's school and asked for an appointment with the class teacher (she told us it was hard to talk if we just tried to catch her in the morning).

She rang me back at lunchtime, had a brief discussion with me and fixed for me to go in that day after school. We spent a good ten minutes (maybe more) discussing the issue, she came up with various ideas and explanations for it, then implemented a behaviour plan the next day. And she checked how it was going from my perspective a day or so later.

Brilliant! And actually what you should expect from a professional teacher. Yours sounds very rude, and you are right to persist.

Sounds like the school that my daughter was at (except hers was by no stretch of the imagination high performing): they did everything they could to keep parents at arm's length, the most innocent inquiry was met with defensiveness and/or obfuscation. It was the entire culture there - the whole staff were passive aggressive because that was the way the head was and she had been there donkey's years and set that culture. After two years, we gave up and got her in somewhere else which just feels very open and straightforward.

I'd be worried - the teachers at my DDs (at the time) only 'satisfactory' school always made time to finish the discussion and one of them was happy to meet me before school, during her preparation time so that I could be on time for work, to discuss the confidence issues my DD had.

The school is now rated Good with outstandign potential to improve, but the culture hasn't changed at all - my younger DD's teacher took on board what I said about her lack of confidence in maths and has really supported DD.

Do you know what else the head teacher had to deal with over those three days. Often all kinds of unexpected "problems" crop up spoiling the best laid plans. I'm not a head but had set Friday afternoon (my non contact time) aside to liaise with the Educational Psychologist however something more important and unexpected needed my attention and I was unable to do so. Annoying for everyone concerned.

We experienced this kind of behaviour at a high performing state school - their arrogance was staggering. We moved and many would wish to but are too change resistent.

Depends what the problem is though?

We need more details to see if the teacher is being unreasonable or aggressive or whatever.

I mean, are we talking bullying (for example) in which case you are quite right, or something a bit precious?

OK I called the teacher, as my daughters class teacher I felt she should know that I had Breast Cancer and that I would be going through an operation followed by therapy, radiation, chemo etc. When I told her, she didn't even say anything such as we will do what we need to support you dd at this difficult time. She just did the mmm mmm thing and then said it will probably be quite distruptive for her.

Then she changed the subject, very quickly onto another incident where my daughter had been shouted by the year head during assembly for playing with her tights or not paying attention, (she is on the Autistic spectrum so very normal for her when she is stressed and she has 28 hours of one to one a week so the school can easily deal with her as she is actually very well behaved). She told me she had a chat with my daughter and told her she should pay attention in future and keep eye contact so people know she is paying attention. Then said she had to go as the class was coming in, and finished off the conversation by saying we see how the situation develops, or something similar, and that was that. 4 minutes worth of her time.
I didn't get a chance to go over the things I wanted them support us by doing, such as letting her have school lunch is she forgets her packed lunch, not being told off is she forgets her homework or is late.

I then had to write an email outlining the situation and send it to the three Learning Support Assistans, the welfare office, the SENCO as she didn't even say that she would let everyone who deals with my daughter know.

Am I being unreasonable to expect more from the teacher.

Very sorry to hear about your cancer diagnosis. That must be extremely stressful.

I definitely agree that the phonecall did not achieve what you wanted, but it probably would have been better done as a face-to-face appointment. She may have phoned you back thinking it would be a quick query but then felt the clock ticking as she has to be back in time to get the class at the end of play.

I admit that as a teacher my heart always sunk if I got a message along the lines of X's mum wants you to call her'. You very rarely have a phone anywhere near your classroom, you don't know from the message if it is quick query or a crisis, school offices can be incredibly busy and the tight timetable of the school day can mean that there is no time for a longer conversation, which is what this needed to be. However, i have often spent long periods of time in face-to-face meetings with parents when it has been necessary to do so.

Ask for a longer meeting, maybe with the SENCO present.

Also, teachers in general are not an uncaring bunch. I have visited parents in hospital and done all sorts of things to provide support when families have needed it.

Just had the same conversation with my other daughters teacher, she is at a different school. She reacted in a wonderful supportive way, exactly as I would expect.

Again a reasonably short conversation but it achieved everything I wanted. She asked if she could let the other teachers know who deal with my daughter and if there was anything she or the school could do just to contact them.

The two schools have very different ethos and pastoral support. I believe it is the defensive, uncaring attitude of the head that trickles down to the staff. The view is that you are lucky to be here and we will behave exactly as we like and you, as a parent are just an inconvenience, unless you are raising money for the school. Rather than the jolly and caring attitude of the other schools head.

Goodness.
So sorry about your diagnosis..
It sounds as though the teacher didn't know how to deal with what you were saying to her (socially not very adept perhaps?) and so blathered on about (in the scheme of things) inconsequential stuff.

How do you feel now? Will you take it further? I think I probably would.

Wishing you well with your treatment