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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

Urgent advice please re teasing/bullying

15 replies

katiestar · 25/01/2011 10:22

my 9 yo has been complaining a bit lately about some of the girls in her class (there ae only 4 other girls) teasing her.Last week she said they had shunned her for being kind to a younger girl they don't like (it's very difficult because she dislikes this younger girl but the teachers make her play with her because they know DD won't be mean to her)
this weekend though she was very upset because they had a WW2 lesson and DD said she was quarter German.one of the girls has said that she has a big problem with this and calls her 'Hitlers girlfriend' and most of the others have and 'German'.DH is finding this very offensive s his mother is Jewish and came to the UK as a refugee
DD doesn't want us to talk to the school because she says it will make everything worse and I'm afraid if I do , she won't talk to us in future?

OP posts:

IndigoBell · 25/01/2011 10:24

How will she know if you talk to school? Of course you have to report this level of bullying. And make it clear you expect it to be dealt with - immediately and sensitively.

lovingmy2 · 25/01/2011 10:28

I'd be going in most definately. How awful for you. I would arrange an appointment to see the head and i would talk to your DD and try and get her to agree with you going in. You can't let this pass because imo bullying/teasing doesn't go away it just carries on and sometimes gets worse. It is obviously affecting her so i would be trying to stop it.

If she doesn't agree maybe inviting the ring leader around for tea or a cinema trip. They could try and sort things out, outside school and become friends again without involving the school.

witchwithallthetrimmings · 25/01/2011 10:30

you have to talk to the school but you need to get her on side. In fact this will empower her and make her realise that she does not deserve to be treated like this.

GrimmaTheNome · 25/01/2011 10:31

Report it. Apart from the bullying, this is racist abuse.

The teacher perhaps needs to do a bit more work on her WWII topic if the other children are displaying this astounding level of ignorance too. Maybe your DH could write up his mother's story?

witchwithallthetrimmings · 25/01/2011 10:34

think a good class would be linking bullying and herd behaviour with the growth of nazism.

RaisinBoys · 25/01/2011 10:58

Definitely raise with the school. Children are there all day - that's an awfully long time for a 9 year old to deal with being bullied, shunned and treated unkindly. Schools MUST act. Good schools do this sensitively and without drawing attention to the child being bullied. Good luck. Hope it all improves and well done to your daughter for being KIND to the younger girl.

PoppetUK · 25/01/2011 11:52

It doesn't sound very nice at all.

I would most definitely talk to the school. It's not fair for your DD to be treated in this way and it's also the schools duty to guide and teach the children what behaviour is appropriate otherwise the bullies never learn either. Obviously this is also a parents' job to but we aren't with them all the time. I would most definitely want to know it was going on so I could then guide my kids.

lingle · 25/01/2011 11:53

Hi Katiestar, I've been through similar, as my son (now 8) has struggled twice when befriending boys who were at the bottom of the pecking order. It's a subject that gets me very hot under the collar. In fact I was thinking of starting a new thread about it today.

It's a lot to expect of your daughter, to make her vulnerable by being associated with the disliked girl. Taking a shunned child under your wing is a job for a quietly confident pair of children who don't fear the gang.

I do agree that you must report this, not just for your daughter's sake but for the sake of the disliked girl. It is one thing for the "gang" to dislike the girl and not play with her. But when they start to persecute your daughter for playing with her, that is crossing many many more lines. It means that the disliked girl is not merely disliked, she is being systematically excluded and bullied. I think it is very important that you communicate this to the school.

I'll start my thread in a minute and see if you can help me with my problem!

Jaffaswife · 25/01/2011 14:56

You really must report this to the school. Bullying can effect a child through to adulthood. A plan needs to be discussed as to how they will tackle the bullies. It is so important that the school gets it right.

I wish you all the best.

Original poster

katiestar · 26/01/2011 14:09

Thanks for your replies.I spoke to th school who then spoke to the children in very general terms.Unfortunately it has made the situation worse and now the girls won't speak to her at all.

OP posts:

GrimmaTheNome · 26/01/2011 14:16

Oh crap

How the hell can they deal 'generally' with the descendent of a refugee Jew being called 'Hitler's girlfriend'? (or anyone of German descent, for that matter)

achievingtogether · 28/01/2011 21:04

Your child is being bullied by the girls. You should tell the school that you want a copy of there anti bullying plicy. Go through it and check waht they say they will do with incidents like this. The school should have recorded the incidents (as you should do to) and record the action taken.

The school have a duty of care to your child so they have to take the incidents very seriously.

You could ask the school if all the girls(along with your daughter) could be involved in a project where they have to work on something e.g a story book for younger children. The work would be supervised by a memeber of staff and the girls are given tasks where they all work together. This sometimes lets children see where there commonalities are and they learn to get on with one another.

Your daughter also needs to build up her own personal confidence - there is a fantastic book called - Stick Up for Yourself: Every Kid's Guide to Personal Power and Self-Esteem
Its the most brilliant book- tell the CT teacher about it to. All schools should have them. Hope it helps

namechangesgalore · 28/01/2011 21:33

This makes me feel very sad for your dd. What horrible girls.
I can only echo what others have said. This is quite serious bullying and it cannot be dealt with 'generally'. It's just not on.

CrosswordAddict · 29/01/2011 10:35

These are racist comments and should not be tolerated. Speak again to the staff and make a fuss. Go higher up the chain if you have to. Insist that if they do not "Be friends" and accept your daughter then you want it written on their records for the future. You have the right to do this.
We have been through similar (though no racism in our case) and it was more difficult because of the very small number of girls to choose from in their primary school.

mummytime · 29/01/2011 11:09

You/she needs to keep a diary of the events. You might want to point out that this is actually a criminal offense (both bullying and racial abuse).
If you spoke to the class teacher last time I would escalate it to the head.

I'm sorry but I see this as extremely serious and the school needs to deal with it. If they don't seem to be taking it seriously you can take it on to the Governors and/or report to OFSTED. Although by that stage I would be looking for another school.

Does your daughter do anything outside of school? Brownies etc? I would try to make sure she does have separate friends outside school to help build her self-esteem. Girls of this age can be mean, but this is unusually nasty, and I am shocked if the school doesn't deal with it more appropriately.

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