dd upset nearly every morning going into class (Y2)

[Elibean]

But she loves school, comes out beaming every day - the problem is letting me go in the morning, not school.

I have tried cuddles, understanding, taking it slowly. I have tried being brisk and no-nonsense (consistently, for weeks). I have tried handing her over to the lovely TA for cuddles (best solution so far). I have tried sticker charts and incentives (helped for two weeks).

We did move house (but not school) last September, and I was ill for weeks after that with shingles - so dd had a period of relative instability, and she is sensitive and loves routines. But still, this is going on a long time...

I feel bad, mostly for her and for the disruption it sometimes causes to the start of school days for her to be in floods of tears. I want to help her cope better, but am now at a loss - any ideas?! There's nothing new going on at home, no losses, nothing wrong at school, its 'just' separation anxiety, but...

I feel your pain because my Y2 DS is the same, and has been now for over a year.

he is now starting to get better and I'm not sure I have the magic solution. I have implemented a strict routine of we have a kiss, a cuddle, say good bye, he says "have a good day at work", I say "have a good day at school" and then I walk off (trying not to look backwards). If I deviate from this routine he gets even more upset.

This time last year I would be peeling him off me, now at least he just stands and looks mournfully after me (still quite often looking as if he is about to cry).

Unfortunately I think it is just a case of grin and bear it. However horrible that is.

Thank you, redsky...I had a feeling someone would say that, but it helps to share the experience!

dd actually has days when she looks nervous but smiles bravely and goes in cheerfully, but then its back to square one (ie this morning), which takes me by surprise, for some reason.

I suppose the bit I need help with is a) not feeling like there's something very wrong with her or me and b) toughening myself up when it happens and wearing it more lightly - not giving myself a hard time.

Your post has helped with that already...

My son is not yet at school but attended nursery from a young age. Seperation anxiety has come & gone over the years.

One piece of advice that I have never forgotten is to NOT say goodbye, because its so final.

After helping DS put his coat on his peg we have a kiss and I say "see you later" - he always knows I'm coming back.

Its just a little thing but it may make a small difference,.

Thanks

I think you're right, separation anxiety does come and go for all of us - even adults! - and is always worse when there is a lot of change going on, be it internal or external.

Sadly, I think choice of words probably makes more difference at a younger age - but in any case I rarely say 'goodbye'. This morning, I said 'I'm only going as far as the Canteen, for a PTA meeting!' and that makes no difference either.

Maybe she's changing, getting more independent, and she experiences that as separation - who knows

I'm struggling with this as well. Dd has started school only since Christmas, but I'm really struggling to get her to stop clinging on to me and actually make a get away.

I'm told and I'm sure she is fine afterwards and she is happy about going. Are the children all out on the yard in the morning? Ours are, but we have tried going earlier or later, taking her to her little friends, getting the older girls to help, but it's still awkward.

I'm contemplating the breakfast club just because it's more structured and at least there's a focus in the morning, but I'm not sure. At 4 it seems a bit much especially as she's quite keen on a couple of the afterschool club activities as well.

Has this worked for anyone?

I think at 4, its just a question of a little time really...Christmas has only just passed, after all! I'm sure your dd will be fine in a few weeks...its so normal for Reception children to feel overwhelmed at being away from home for longer days, new environment, etc.

dd1, OTOH, is 7. I don't think its the same issue exactly, or maybe it is but the solutions need to be a little different!

Personally, I wouldn't push the breakfast club idea unless she is keen - it makes her day away from you longer, so might exacerbate the problem rather than help solve it. But if she is excited at the idea, then maybe try it!

Elibean - does she have a really good friend nearby who could maybe take her for you once or twice a week to break the routine she's got herself into of clinging to you? Or could you pick a friend up on the way to school a couple of times so she already has a distraction from you when you get there?

Ds clung to me all the way through year 1- he had been fine in REception.
I tried being nice, stern, even kicked him off me on occasion-the ta would have to prose him off me.
In the summer holidays I said I hoped he wouldn't do it in year 2 and he said "of course not". ANd he never did.
To this day I don't know why he was like that.
He is now year 7 and all is well

I'm sorry I can't be much help, but my younger sister used to vomit in the playground every morning before school She did this for a long time too.

She's now one of the most confident and independent people I know, so I'm sure this will pass eventually :)

at vomiting in playground, though horrible for her at the time (and your mum!) I'm sure! Very reassuring, ditto Deaddei's ds, thank you.

Sandstorm, its a good idea but going in with a friend seems to make no difference either, sadly. I have to take her little sister in to pre-school 15 minutes before the bell goes, and I do wonder if its something to do with that...we settle dd2 (easily) then rush across to line up for dd1.

You've all helped me to wear it more lightly though, which is probably exactly what both dd1 and I needed - so thank you

Ok yes you're right and I know it's only been 3 weeks bless her. I think one of my problems is what to do as the teachers and Ta are in the office having tea and all the other children are happy running around outside and I physically can't get away until bell time or later.

She wants to be early to play before the bell and if not she's even more upset and then the teacher has less time for her as she then has other stuff and children to deal with.

I know I must just hang on in there and for youwith 7yo this must sound really trivial, but I just thought this must be so common others could help.

no, not trivial at all - I think it feels worse when they are so little!

Getting there early definitely helps, my 4 year old (still in nursery, only just 4) hates being late as more overwhelming with crowds, and teachers have less time for her. Good luck, hope she settles soon - does sound as though she's doing really well for 3 weeks in!