Making friends when they move school, how long does this take, and how can I help ds?

[geraldinetheluckygoat]

Ds moved school after christmas to another lower, he is in Year 1. He is much happier at this school, in that the actual school and the way they do things seems to suit him much better. He is a lot more relaxed and happy when I pick him up.

One thing that he is struggling with a bit is breaking into the groups and making new friends. He says that the other kids are rude to him (I dont think they are, particularly, I think it is just kids being a bit boisterous and a bit of shouting about during sports mainly, which he gets involved with at lunch times). I want to help him to find ways of getting to know the other kids, I think he just feels a bit intimidated being the new boy and has come from a very firm friendship at the old school.

How long do you think it can take for kids to truly settle in and make new friends?
Do you think I should find out from the teacher how she thinks he is settling in?
He has a birthday in March, we were thinking of hiring the community hall and having a bouncy castle or something, do you think it would be a good idea to ask the whole class to help them to get to know him? Im just worried that none of them will come!

Any ideas of things I can say to him which will make it easier/tactics I can give him to make friends? Usually he's made friends pretty easily and this shyness seems to be newish thing...I'm not sure how to deal with it!

It is difficult isn't it? DS in year 2 moved schools at Oct half-term. It took until after Xmas for him to be invited back to a friend's to play even though he had a couple round here last term. Now he seems on a roll though.

I would go for the bouncy castle option. It was weird if the whole class wasn't invited in yr1 round here. Kids will come & you can see who he joins in with most. You will get to talk to the parents & see which kids have similar interests too eg football or playmobile etc

I would talk to the teacher. She may have some useful insight. You might also find out that many of the boys do not have a best friend. It seems girls do this earlier than boys?

Hi Geraldine
I work in a school; a good one should help you boy settle in and it is always a good idea to communicate with the teacher and find out her views. As long as you're not unnecessarily complaining (which you're not) and working together then this will help him. Also find out from him (and the teacher) who he does like. Often I think children form stronger relationships once they see friends outside school. If you make an extra effort to make it fun at his house (or take a friend to a film or something) then they are more likely to make an effort with your son in school.

I think the bouncy castle idea is a good one.

Good luck, I hope it goes well.

Thank you Munstersmum for that reassuring post Im struggling with asking people back for tea as a large number of the kids go to Mosque after school I think. Well actually I have only heard that from other parents, so I need to find out if that's the case. Also, I have asked DS if he likes anyone at all and he's a bit dramatic and says he has zero friends . There is a chance that while he hasn't made any great friends yet, he is enjoying the drama of being able to say he "has no friends and eveyrone is mean to me" - I can very well remember going through a phase of doing this myself in lower school, when it wasn't actually the case at all....

I might find out if there are any clubs at the school he could get involved in, maybe he could make friends that way.

Thanks for your advice, Senoritaviva, I will chat to the teacher - I need to get the class name list off her too. The other kids in the class seem pretty friendly, so Im sure he will get there in the end....