Am I a Chinese Mum?

[curtaincall]

After all the hoo-haa has died down about parenting Asian style, I realise I may just be a Chinese Mum manquée. I've heard that after reading extracts from 'Battle Hymn ...' parents with older children were less shocked than those with younger ones.

My ds is only 5 and couldn't imagine 'abusing him' in the way described by Amy Chua. However, last night, his father asked him to do something and ds retorted crossly, "Are you a Chinese dad?" as though we'd waterboarded him and not asked him for the third time to brush his teeth. (He must have picked this up from the radio or other adults discussing it, as I don't remember talking about this in front of him.)

This morning found me doing spellings at the same time at a morning cuddle. Much as I despise the implied moral rectitude (and racism) from both ends of the spectrum, I think I've been been persuaded to behave with just a leetle beet more rigour. Anyone else feel the same?

[goes off to buy a violin, keyboards, and some Proust in the original]

I hate the label "Chinese Mum", not your invention, I know, but it's just wrong. Uber pushy mum? Dragon mum, even?

Sorry, you don't sound a patch on Amy Chua!

Yes, from my experience the child that starts ahead stays ahead. Even more so if you factor in less than perfect teaching, a child young in a year and large class sizes for example.

There's a gulf between what I know my son can do and what the school have leveled him at/perceive his ability. Not so much as gulf as a gigantic, yawning chasm. I am not alone in feeling this way either.

I quite like the Chinese 'belief' that children can achieve more than we might imagine. In the West we like to believe that children have their limits, the low ability, middle ability and high ability all set in concrete :(.

Much prefer the term 'dragon mum' to 'Chinese mum' in discussing this. Call me PC but I think in other contexts that kind of stereotyping wouldn't be okay even if Amy seems to do that herself somewhat.

You know what's right for him OP but if you sense him pushing back and starting to get fed up of 'work' be it spellings or something else, I'd certainly say it's best to ease off.

They're only young once and it's about balance.

I know I nag for Britain but this article made me realise that maybe my nagging is not as effective as the Chinese nagging iyswim.
When does nagging become pushing and when does pushing turn into cruelty? That's assuming there is a continuum of pushiness.
Maybe we can learn from the Chinese parent? It isn't all bad surely?
(Goes off to set alarm for early-morning study session)

what have i missed.. whats a chinese mum ?

Chinese Mum Reference

loosinas you can see two threads from 9th Jan in 'Am I being Unreasonable?' and 'In the News'. can anyone help make a direct link to those sites please?