Daughter losing confidence in Year2

[emlu67]

My daughter has always enjoyed school but now has a very strict teacher who doesn't have a good word to say about any of the children except the very clever ones. She is on Level 6 ORT but finds this easy and Group 2 (out of 3) for spelling which she also finds easy. It does seem they are put into groups at a very young age which don't seem to change around much. I have no idea what level reading books other children are on so don't know if she is doing well or not but she seems to think she is not clever enough at her work.

Most of the girls are all good friends with each other, as are their mums (it is a small village school). She (and I) are not in their 'elite circle' so when it comes to birthday parties she is getting left out more often than not despite inviting them to hers. Of course she can't expect to be invited to every party but she does seem to be the one always left out and has been getting very tearful about it. Thankfully she does have three good friends in her class outside of this 'circle' but these three get invited to plenty of parties.

She is an extremely well behaved child and hates anyone being naughty in class. They have a 'traffic light' system for bad behaviour and today she was put on the yellow for the first time simply because another girl told her to stand somewhere she shouldn't have been at the time so it was not really her fault. She thinks I don't believe her and has been crying most of the time since we got home today.

Anyway - sorry to waffle, I don't mean to but I was not a confident child and have been determined to bring her up so that she is not the same way but I can see her confidence gradually eroding away which breaks my heart.

Any thoughts/suggestions appreciated...

I think it's being a bit hasty to suggest moving schools, Pixie, it's still quite early on in the term.

Can I ask what concerns you more the social aspect or the academic?
I had a very similar situation with my child in year 1 re the teacher and it affected my daughters confidence and most importantly selfbelief. They just didn't click and I felt my daughter languished a bit. She was put in the bottom maths set (of 2) and found the work ridiculously easy. I firstly spoke to the teacher twice(who I personally didn't rate, very cold and hard to believe she was a mother!. We got nowhere on either visit. I then went to the head, who whilst in my view was pretty ineffectual offered to put her into the top set for the rest of the year. As this was taught by the teacher we had issues with we declined as it had escelated too far. Funnily enough in year 2 she was put into the top set and in last years 7plus gained a place at Bute House (unofficial feeder to SPGS) where she is now very happy, so I feel more than vindicated! So on the academic side I would say speak to the teacher, express your concerns, ask for her to be challenged more. If that outcome is unsatisfactory go to the head and as a last resort take her out. TBH we would have done that but losing the terms fees & deposit put paid to that gesture!

Socially in year 1, don't worry about it. Little girls are fickle and invites are often orchestrated by the other mums whose `gang' you are not a member of! She has friends and is happy enough. Certain children always get the most invites and that's the way life goes! Instigate a few more playdates, keep your head held high and most importantly don't project your fears onto her. She won't have the same experiences as you. I know how minutely we feel every slight directed at our child but chances are you are overanalysing and worrying unnecessarily. Good luck!

Emlu - I really feel for you. Grouping kids by ability can have a big impact on some children's self esteem and on the dynamics of the class - when you get a group of children seeing themselves as the clever ones and everyone else is stupid - been there got the t-shirt. You could have a chat with the teacher and let her know the impact, you could have a chat with the Head see if you can get your point across there. We left the school (we moved), but I was really relieved - class dynamics in new school are much better - children more caring and less smug.