So what does it mean that ds is always brilliant at school and awful at home?

[emkana]

Am I doing something wrong? He is in reception and has some special needs. He is very obsessive at home, clinging to routines, set in his ways... But easygoing at home.

It sounds fairly normal to me. A lot of dcs behave well at school because they know it is a "public" environment but save all their worst behaviour for home. On the other hand, it may be that his way of trying to to deal with some of the stresses of starting school is to be more obsessive at home. Have you talked to him about school, what he does and doesn't like. How he feels about different things. I think a lot of reception children benefit from a fairly calm routine atmosphere at home in their first few terms as they adjust to school.

Thanks for answering. Meant easygoing at school in last sentence, sorry! It's difficult to talk to him because he has speech problems.

What kind of SN does he have? You mention clinging to routines.... Some ASD kids are very much like this. Fine at school (especially when young) and a nightmare at home.

Not suggesting your child has ASD - just saying this is common and does not mean you are doing anything wrong.

It is most likely he spends all his energy being good at school and has no energy left to be good when he gets home. Ie he is tired, over stimulated etc.

Probably EXHAUSTED from being good at school and it all hangs out at home

Might like the routine at school too??

When I'm asked this by parents I nearly always say that it means you're doing something right... I regularly need to remind myself of this when my own 6-year-old is being foul at home having worn a highly polished halo all day at school!

School is exhausting; a rigid timetable (in terms of lunch etc.), being told what to do, having to negotiate with others, things not being where you expect/left them, nowhere to escape to, sudden changes of plan.... and that's just how I feel as a teacher.

Look on the bright side - he keeps his worst behaviour for the people he trusts the most - which is you. The bright side of that is you can feel relaxed about leaving him with other people

He likes routine and schools are all about routine. Most kids like routine, so if you've got good ones don't worry and if they change for any reason give good notice. Being "set in his ways" is quite normal.

It might mean that you have brought him up well and he is able to distinguish between public and private behaviour.

Do not underestimate how tiring school can be. It's much harder to hold it all together when exhausted.

Re the question what his special needs are - he has a physical disability (dwarfism), and is developmentally delayed - whether there is something along the lines of asd I'm trying to figure out!

I remember when your DS was born emkana!

My DS is also an angel at school and a bit of a monster at home. I'd love him to be good at home too, but I guess it just isn't possible for a child to be good all he time.

I am glad my DS is good at school, every teacher he has ever had tell me how wonderful, kind, helpful and clever he is. So different from the child I collect each afternoon from school

Was he awful at home before he started school, or is this a recent change?

If the bad behaviour came along when he started school then maybe it is a sign that he is finding school stressful and it isn't the right setting for him, no matter how well he manages to perform while there.