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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

Embarrassing situation wwyd?

22 replies

mungojerry · 14/01/2011 09:41

Had a quiet word with ds about not talking about his forthcoming birthday party with all and sundry at school. He's really mature and wise and understood immediately that as he's only inviting a few from class due to space limitation, it might feel hurtful to others not invited.

Have just seen the children's writing mounted outside classroom explaining what they'd been getting up to in the holidays. My ds wrote all about plans for forthcoming party. Everyone reads them and wonder if I now need to explain to parents of not invited friends that party is v. small and please don't be offended. Or is this OTT?

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WhyHavePets · 14/01/2011 09:44

Your child is excited about his birthday! This is normal and fine, I would agree that it is upsetting if you had invited all the class but a couple but as you have not invited all the class except a select few then it is fine!

The vast majority of parents accept that not everyone invites a whole class to a party, you are blowing it way out of proportion!

roadkillbunny · 14/01/2011 09:45

I would just leave it, I think most reasonable parents understand that not every party can be a whole class or all of the boys/girls.

OffToNarnia · 14/01/2011 09:47

As a parent of a year 1 DS, I wouldn't be offended. At DS primary 2x classes of up to 30 in year 1. How can all kids be invited? Even with one class of 20 - 30 the average living room just can not cope! I don't think I would say anything.

taffetacat · 14/01/2011 11:48

It depends on the precedent set in his class, if he's in Reception. I have never done whole class parties, but have the excuse that DS doesn't like large groups, he never used to go to others' parties that were too big, he just doesn't like them.

I think its perfectly acceptable to say to people that you are having a smaller party and that you have asked DS to pick x number of people only.

hellion · 14/01/2011 11:56

I wouldn't worry. Probably only a handful of people would have read the work in that much detail. And if people did read it they would probably think this is acceptable. Hope he has a good party.

missmehalia · 14/01/2011 12:01

DD has been in school/nursery for years now, and I think in all that time there's only ever been 1 party where the whole lot of them have been invited. Nobody expects it, or if they do, they're being v, v unreasonable.

We had that in a small way with one of DD's friends who was hurt because she wasn't invited to a birthday sleepover - we just had her round another time and made a huge fuss of her because we like her so much.

You can't please all the people all the time. I wouldn't bother mentioning it if I were you. Least said, soonest mended. If you're REALLY worried, you could always send sweets (?) or something in on the nearest school day, but tbh I think that might draw more attention to the occasion.

orangepoo · 14/01/2011 12:06

I don't think people get offended about small parties unless a specific child has been left out unreasonably.

eg a good friend but recently had a minor disagreement - getting back at them by not inviting - not acceptable

eg there is a circle of friends, say 5 and you invite 4 of them - not acceptable

Goingspare · 14/01/2011 12:09

No reasonable person would notice or care.

Original poster

mungojerry · 14/01/2011 12:35

I don't think i explained it very well. He has about 7 kids he gets on with very well and goes to their parties. We can only invite about 4 as have a few others he's inviting from other schools and can only manage a dozen at most all told. He's Y1 so agree not all form expected to come but it's the 2 or 3 children who we can't make room for ... (yes it would make difference to squeeze them in due to very tight space).

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Original poster

mungojerry · 14/01/2011 12:37

We are planning on bringing in a birthday cake so all the children can enjoy this.

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taffetacat · 14/01/2011 12:57

why are you inviting children from other schools? are they children of friends of yours or is he very close to them? I ask as I think it may be a better idea to ask an intact group from school, and have the others round for a slice of cake and a party bag some other time.

Original poster

mungojerry · 14/01/2011 14:07

These are his closest friends from playgroups, nursery etc. who he sees all the time outside school. Last year we hired a village hall and all the kids mucked in together and got on fine, but we can't do it this year. TBH just feeling a bit walking through treacle at the mo' and overwhelmed at thought of even small birthday at home.

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ChippingIn · 14/01/2011 14:16

Mungo - with the additional information, I would probably say something to the 2/3 sets of parents who you would normally invite, that seems reasonable - so they/the kids don't think they've upset you/DS in some way.

Have you considered inviting a couple less and taking them somewhere like soft play (if you have a good one for that age group) where you don't have to do any of the organising & clearing up if you are feeling a bit overwhelmed?

Please try to stop worrying.

Original poster

mungojerry · 14/01/2011 14:44

Thanks chippingin - that really makes sense. Don' t know why it's taken me so long to get there! The soft play thing is good idea but quite a long way away for most people to get to and expensive, so we'll stick with our home-grown entertainment.

{shuffles off to start parcelling the parcel and drawing a donkey and tail}.

OP posts:

taffetacat · 14/01/2011 16:36

op - sorry, sounds like you're having a rough time. nothings as easy as it seems hey. chippingin's advice is gfood to speak to parents of the 2 or 3. have them round for a playdate or trip to the park once the weather perks up a bit if you can cope with it.

can you get some help with the birthday party? any spare rellies around? I find them such hard work and am always glad when they are over.

hope it goes well.

Takver · 14/01/2011 16:45

I agree with the thing of speaking to the parents - I've been in a similar position and just had a quiet word to explain. I'm sure anyone would understand, its a very common problem.

You could always also encourage your ds to invite the 'missing' children round to play after school/go to the park together or something some other time soon?

IAmReallyFabNow · 14/01/2011 16:47

It is no one elses business and you don't have to say you are only doing a small party.

WhyHavePets · 14/01/2011 17:10

I agree, speak to the 2 or 3 and explain that you would obviously normally invite them but can't this time so you were wondering if they could do a play dat ethe next week or something.
I also agree, stop worrying! You seem to have enough on your plate which is why this is getting on top of you!

ChippingIn · 14/01/2011 18:52

Iamfab - of course she doesn't have to, however, in life, if you don't want to upset people - sometimes it's wise to explain why you have had to make a decision that might upset them. A little kindness goes a long way.

Mungo parties at home are FAB :) I wasn't saying soft play would be better - just less work for you! Just remember, it doesn't have to be perfect & they don't need a million things to do - just a few games, time to play together and some fun food - throw in a few balloons - job done! Oh - don't forget the wine for yourself!!

Lamorna · 14/01/2011 19:08

I wouldn't give it two thoughts. Having a small party is sensible and there is no reason why anyone should be surprised or upset.

katiestar · 14/01/2011 20:35

NO!!
whatever you do , don't say anything. The parents will think at best you are bizarre and at worst very arrogant to assume non-invited children will be upset.We lknow of course that you're not at all, but really this is how it will come over

Lamorna · 14/01/2011 22:03

You are doing nothing wrong, don't let them think that there is anything remotely wrong with a small party!

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