Yr6 DS teased for being "posh"

[Rolf]

We're not particularly posh, whatever that means, but there is a bit of a culture of inverted snobbery around here, and I think some of the children soup up their regional accent to improve their cool credentials .

DS1 is trying not to let it upset him but I think it's a type of bullying and quite nasty. If he was being teased for having an accent from another region, or another country, there wouldn't be any doubt that it was bullying, right? Or if he was being teased for being having a v strong local accent, it would be very much out of order.

He's been happy at the school - he's been there since reception - but is quite an intense child and as his year group are all growing up some of the old groupings are breaking up and he's finding himself isolated and ready to move on to secondary school.

Has anyone found any coping mechanisms or strategies for this sort of thing that have helped? I'd hate his last few months at primary school to become miserable for him. He has a residential trip coming up in a few months and I'd like to know that this is sorted out before then.

Thanks

No advice, I'm afraid, but I used to get this when I was at school. :( We weren't posh either, but my parents were reasonably well educated and came from a different part of the country, so we didn't have a regional accent.

It isn't nice, but you just have to help your DS understand that there are worse things that people could call you. If it is really upsetting him, I'd have a word with the teacher.

My DD has been ribbed a bit for having a different accent - despite being Lancashire born and bred she's picked up mine; I had the misfortune to be raised in Essex. So she's been told she comes from London or even Australia . I don't think in her case it was bad but she was a bit put out - I said, look just tell them you've got your mum's accent. That seems to have been the end of it. Don't know if that'd work if its already escalated to be a real issue with your DS and the others know it bothers him.

What is your regional accent (just curious if its a particularly broad one)

I got this at school too, experience much like magicmummy . It continued through secondary school until I moved somewhere more tolerant for 6th form. In the end I just upped the ante and became more posh on purpose.

A friend of mine had the same problem but she changed her accent at school to fit in whilst maintaining the desired standard at home - caused endless problems for her when home and school clashed eg school play!

I used to get this-Newcastle born and bred, but both parents spoke without accent and I can't even do a Geordie accent.
I used to either say 'My dad's from the South' or 'what are you talking about' and change the subject' or a calm 'fuck off' (you did ask)-it never escalatyed into bullying and it never bothered me, same with being taller than all the boys up to 6th form-you just shrug it off, look totally unconcerned, raise an eyebrow and turn to someone else to talk to.

However,if it has escalated I think I'd have a quiet word with the teacher.

Boys do this a bit, my brother used to talkwith a very broad accent and then revert at home-just to fit in and be cool-depends how bothered he is I suppose.

Grimma - it's Liverpool. I had the same problem when I was at school and I remember how isolating it was - being singled out as different from everybody else. It's so daft as well - the children teasing him are by no means hardcore scousers themselves.

He's having some difficulty getting along with the other children anyway. He's very awkward with the girls and there aren't that many boys in the year group. He's very studious, and I think he can come across as taking himself very seriously. He's going through a phase of using very big words and trying to sound grown up, which I can see won't endear him to his classmates. But I think these personal comments are very mean. Some of them used to tease him for having eczema, and now we've got his eczema under control they've found something else to be mean about

your poor ds. sorry my last post wasn't massively helpful. I agree it is a form of bullying. back in the day I largely had to put up with it, and look back on it all now as character building. but looking back it was miserable much of the time. (I was also studious, used big words and was clever aka a swot, so plus the "posh" accent I was an easy target).

I had one or two friends, no best friend but got by by being independent and reading lots. Always had a book to read so I had something to do at lunch and break if there was no-one nice to spend time with.

Sport can help - is your ds any good at any sport? Or art can be a good thing to do, sometimes a bit more of a "cool" activity, if they have an art club or anything?

Otherwise outside school activities are good for letting your ds be himself and connect with people outside those at school who have preconceptions about him.

I would speak to the teacher about it if you can do so without it rebounding onto ds. does the school have a decent policy and track record on bullying?

Thanks Hellinarcher . You sound very like my DS. Yes, he is sporty but the school is really crap for sport so they don't play much. Or it's all really fluffy (everyone's a winner type stuff - good for people like me who are hopeless at sport but very dull for DS1). I think that I might have a quiet word with his teacher. His teacher is great with them and the school is pretty good at dealing with bullying. The most recent comment was when DS2 had come over to speak to DS1, and one child muttered "god, you and your brother are so posh".

Am in liverpool and had the same thing when I started secondary school, bit in primary but not too bad, what stopped my problem was some of the "proper" scousers discover that my dad -a real proper dock road scouser was related to their parents! Soon stopped them having a go.! My ds was born in Cheshire and doesn't really have a scouse accent despite living here 10 years. Had a few problems with comments about things he says eg grass is said grarse, and sand is sarnd. He just laughs at himself when anyone says anything

Reckon a word with teacher about it and maybe make sure ds realizes that it's gonna be better for him to ignore them and not let them see it bothers him. And whilst I don't believe the stereotypes having a posher scouse accent won't do him anyway harm in later life.

I used to get that too when I was a child so used to put on some god-awful regional accent at school. I must have sounded ridiculous.

Rolf
Not sure if this helps but will he be moving on to a high school with this year group?
If not, then he only has a few months longer to put up with them.
I know it's hard but we had a similar situation and it helped when our children moved to high school because they were glad to see the back of their year group at primary school. IYSWIM

I went through this too and actually when I went on my school journey, one of the girls said 'you don't know someone until you live with them' she was more friendly after that.
It didn't stop at secondary for me, in fact it got much, much worse (was called a snob, stuck up etc) and all because I spoke properly.

Unfortunately, my Ds also went through this and I couldn't offer him a solution even though I'd been there. He goes to a grammar school now (year 8) and it seems to not be a problem there thank goodness, but there are other things that they pick on instead :(
Hope things improve for your Ds OP.

I've just spoken to his teacher, who was very supportive. I've asked him not to speak to DS1 directly but to keep an eye on things. I'm really glad I spoke to him .

crosswordaddict we're still not sure which 2ndary school he'll be going to. If he goes to the state school he'll remain with this year group, but the school he's at now is 2 form entry, and the high school is 8 form so they'll be split up to some extent. I think that the problems he's having now are making him keener on the private school (he's taking the exam later this month) and whilst we're confident that he'll be offered a place we still aren't sure if that's where we want to send him. So all this nonsense at school is clouding the issue for him a bit which is a shame.

Dont know which part of Liverpool you are in, but if you are near enough to go to Formby both Range and Formby High are good state schools, (easy on train, and have catchment from Bootle end, up to Birkdale)there is much more of an accent mix in both these schools - so he definitely wont be the only one.

My dd used to get called 'posh totty' at primary school, and occasionally still does. She just says 'thanks!'

I got this at school, primary much more then secondary. I was Liverpool to but my Father was privately educated and my Mum doesn't have much of an accent so I didn't have much of an accent myself and I have always been well spoken. I was always called posh at school, we lived in a huge house so the other kids used to say we were really rich posh kids, the reality was the house was falling apart and while my family may have had a little more money then many of the other families as it was a very deprived area (Toxteth in the 80's) but we were far, far from rich the other kids just saw big house and no accent. It didn't bother me that much, I wouldn't have called it bullying as it didn't really bother me but if it bothers your son then it is worth addressing with the school.
I live in Oxfordshire now and my children are well spoken but fit in accent wise with the children in the village ( a mix of private and state educated) and they have the same accent as all the other children at school but it is a very middle class intake, if we were to move back to Liverpool then I would expect them to be called posh I think it is because Liverpool is a place with a very strong accent.

notskiving - we're north Liverpool and if he goes to the state school it's a really good one. Rationally, none of this should be an issue. We're in an affluent suburb. It's like the child of an accountant teasing the child of a solicitor for being posh . Put any of these kids in a really rough school and they'd be eaten alive.

funny isn't it Rolf, I was at an independent school populated by a mix, probably about 70:30 of middle class: working class kids but all of them had a Lancs accent and I didn't so that was enough for them to pick on.

When I moved for 6th form the school was probably 50:50 m/c:w/c but had a great mix of accents, also much bigger ethnic diversity, and my accent did not stand out and was never commented on.

To this day I have always been proud of myself for ploughing my own furrow rather than changing myself or dumbing down to fit in. Though I could have done with a few more sharp or witty comebacks in my armoury at the time, I was hopeless at making any sort of retort and just sucked it all up... if you can help your ds with generic, strong, responses to piss-taking that may help. Even general responses like "did you mean to be so rude?" or "at least I know how to pronounce the words manners" might help.

I did make friends on school trips though, once they knew me a bit more they dropped hte preconceptions and said "you're really nice actually"

My dd learned to laugh and/or ignore. She has what she calls the qunintuple whammy - posh, red haired, glasses, freckles and a last name that only needs one letter changed to make a mildly rude word!

Mind you, the last one ceased to be a problem when I discovered that the main perpetrators last name was Piles, and told her what they are!

We had exactly the same situation when our dtds were in Year 6. Nasty year group I've concluded because it all stopped when they moved away from them and went to a different high school - just the two of them and no-one from primary school. They have chosen not to see any of that bunch ever again, which speaks volumes I feel.
There were a lot of sarcy comments and nastiness at this time of year when they were sitting for private school just like yours.A lot of it was just envy/jealousy/spite and trying to put them down. It certainly made life unpleasant for them but they've come through it knowing what a bully does and how teachers "cope" with it - or ignore it in our case.It made them tougher and more ready to start high school without any regrets about leaving that group so it was good preparation iyswim.
Good luck with entry exams - just try to focus on that at the moment. TBH I'd try to keep him off school the day before just while he gets the exam over and done with. He's the important one, not the bullies. Good luck again.

I also experienced this throughout my school career, all the more as I also have a rather fancy Victorian name, and despite the fact that my family wasn't particularly posh. I hated it at the time, however it does come in handy later in life - when taking oral exams, job interviews, or in certain social circles for instance. I also realized then that crude remarks about this often stem from jealousy...