Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Aaargh - do you get involved in playground spats?

36 replies

notwithme · 12/01/2011 13:37

This has been annoying me all week.

Last week one of DDs friends got upset because she wouldn't play with her after school on Friday. She was playing with a group of boys. Typical running around horseplay.

Friend got upset and told her mum who spoke to my DD. I also had a word with DD when we got home about being kind etc.

On Monday, friend was still upset so her mother went to tell the teacher and the reason why.

Yesterday, DD came home and said the teacher had spoken to them all about friendship and kindness.

I'm not annoyed about talking to DD, but am a little bit annoyed that her teacher was told and it was escalated to 'class talk'.

Am I in denial in thinking that this kind of thing must go on all the time when mother's are not present and they just get on with it?

Actually this makes me sound really bad doesn't it! I'm just upset that DD has been reported to the teacher for what I think was not that big a deal.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Bucharest · 12/01/2011 18:24

No, Lonnie, bullying is not subjective.

This child was treated badly, the OP accepts that. She was not being bullied. Her mother is doing her no favours whatsoever by intervening.

Op- I also remember (and loathe the woman still) a Mum from school having a pop at me in the playground because I had shouted at her PFB daughter...which I had, ironically because her daughter had been thumping my little cousin.

fartmeistergeneral · 12/01/2011 18:33

They are six!!!! This stuff will happen ALL THE TIME, and frankly, for years and years. I am a perfectly normal, decent person, but I specifically remember doing this myself when I was in primary school. Kids have to learn how to behave civilly and it takes a long long time. The OP spoke to her daughter about it and that is the right thing to do, the teacher spoke to the whole class and that also strikes me as a good reminder to them.

Of course it's awful when your child is left out, but it will happen to all children at some point. The OP's child will also be excluded from a gang or a game in the future and it will be a learning experience for her.

Thank god I'm not at school any more! It's a minefield!!!

tomhardyismydh · 12/01/2011 20:43

lonnie still dont consider it bullying. just normal behaviour. happens all the time. should not be accepted but still not bullying.

Bullying is a sustained abuse over a period of time to deliberatly demean or harm. definatly not what was happening in the play ground that day.

tomhardyismydh · 12/01/2011 20:45

"Ultimatly if someone is being bullied or not can only be decided by the recipient"

Definatly not as bulling is a specific behaviour, with specific traits and out comes and calling a six year old a bully can be very damaging too.

Gotabookaboutit · 12/01/2011 21:46

I do agree that labelling everything as bulling is very unhelpful - it downgrades real incidents of bulling and as Tomhardy say labeling a 6 year old as a bully can be very damaging to - it was unkind but hardly that rare in a 6 yr old

Hassled · 12/01/2011 21:52

You can't force Y1s to play with another child if they don't want to - and nor should you try. You wouldn't force an adult to socialise with another adult if they didn't want to.

I see the whole "don't be unkind" stuff, and that's quite right, but at age 5/6 they're still learning this stuff. It takes time to get the hang of it all, and to an extent they need to find they're own way. The other mother over-reacted, I think.

Hassled · 12/01/2011 21:52

their own way. FFS.

littleducks · 12/01/2011 21:56

"Ultimatly if someone is being bullied or not can only be decided by the recipient"

I disagree completly.

The OPs daughter was unkind and rude and needed to be told this behaviour was unacceptable and that she had to be kind. The OP did this.

I think the teachers approach was fine but i too would wonder why the other mother mentioned it

Lonnie · 13/01/2011 00:06

I would hazard a guess that the other mother mentioned it to the teacher because her daughter was upset felt worried about returning to school and once again be excluded from playing with the group. In other words the mother did the best she could for her child., the teacher in return did the best she could for her class OP did the best she could for her child.

I have a 7 year old today she went to sleep having burst into tears 6 times since school because her best friend had told her she didnt believe in the easter bunny. They are small children feelings can run high. it is possible that this girl had got herself into a worry about school we do not know because the mother is not here to post her side of events Imagine a poster placing a post saying " my child was excluded from group play and now she is scarred about goign to school and I dont know how to deal with it" we would advice her to speak to the teacher in the school and let her know what was going on. So why is it different here because it is not that childs mother that has posted. the OP did imo the best she could with the situation I think she should try to consider that the other child migth have had a stronger reaction than her child would have had and the mother needed to deal with that. teacher dealt with it fine and as from what we can see the other mother hasnt tried to speak to OP or her child about the matter again it might simply be the end of it.

Personally I would arrange a playdate that should likely get any bad feeling out from everywhere.

LadyInPink · 13/01/2011 13:49

My DD was labelled a bully by a mother when she was 3 years old because she chose not to sit with this mothers child at nursery but instead chose another friend . I was aghast at the accusation and tried to talk to the mother but she was adament it was bullying. The nursery staff took it for what it was - mere babies being picky but it really shook me as she was venemous about it and in the end it cost our friendship.

You will always find unreasonable parents in the playground, this is indeed a huge learning curve and you have to be robust to deal with it. i'm a sensitive soul and so keep out of the playground politic's as much as i can and deal with my DD if and when she is unkind. They are only children who are trying out a new persona so nip it in the bud and it should be fine.

You did the right thing OP.

SE13Mummy · 13/01/2011 22:07

As the mother of a Y1 girl and the teacher of Y4, I wouldn't view this situation as OP's DD 'being reported to the teacher'. It sounds much more as though the upset child's mother took her in to school saying, "I'll let Mrs X know you're feeling sad and will ask her to keep an eye on you". When mother and daughter get to school this happens...

A Y1 (and most years!) teacher would want to know if a child was worried about school and, if appropriate would try to do something to improve the situation.

I've mentioned to DD's teacher that DD had mentioned, on numerous occasions, that another child was threatening to 'tell on her' if DD didn't play with this particular child. DD would be devastated to be told off by the teacher and so went along with it thus being separated from the friends she wanted to play with. DD's teacher said she'd keep an eye on things and the situation improved enormously.

No-one wants 5-year-old children to worry about school; they've got another 11 or so years of it!

Flip

1 2