6th birthday party - advice please

[curtaincall]

This year we're only able to invite about a dozen of ds friends around after school for birthday cake and games. We were more flush last year and hired village hall, entertainer etc. and loads of children. Because of small numbers is it unreasonable to ask one of our friends' children to come? He isn't on ds's list. He hasn't fallen out with him and enjoyed a recent play date together, but is just not his first choice. Am I being an interfering parent or someone who wants to reciprocate as ds was invited to this child's party recently.

I think you need to let him choose his 12 friends for himself, especially if he had a bigger party last year. I may however try to influence it with the odd "Think about who has invited you to their party, as it's nice to invite them back..." Clearly this won't work though if he's been invited to lots of big parties....

Curtaincall, I was in your position last year, except DD only invited 5 friends and I made her invite 1 of them because I am friends with the mum. I felt really guilty even though she is one of only a few children who has previously had whole class parties and most of the children haven't had a party at all (at least not that DD has been invited to). I suggested to DD about not having a party this year, but only so I wouldn't feel guilty at only inviting a few and she has all new friends this year and I am friendly with the mums of her old friends.

I know I'm just going to have to let her choose her friends and not my friends. Incidently she hasn't been invited to a single part since September and most of the children in her class have birthdays September to December, so I really don't know why I am bothered about it.

Sorry, I realise my last post wasn't much help to you, just offering my sympathies and a chance to unload my irrational guilt.

thanks anyway - good to know someone is listening wandaaa and i did try runoutofideas idea but his enthusiasm was pretty muted and i did feel a bit of a sad person pushing my agenda onto him. It feels that 6 is the first really 'grown-up' year where they start to really understand they have choices.

Why not keep the party for schoolfriends, and have the other friend round for a special party tea & play. I'm assuming this friend doesn't go to DS school?

I usually sneak a sympathy friend onto the list, talking about the friend until the child believes it was their idea to invite them in the first place. Unfortunately if the sympathy friend is not part of the current in crowd they can end up being picked on during the party, so watch out for that.

Actually Chippy, the friend does go to his school and only 6 of his friends will be from there; the other six being good friends who go to a different schools.

Oh well in that case I'd include him in the party. Why not?

DH just annnounced that he has persuaded ds to invite to this child as well as another who shared a party in the autumn. Job done!