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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

Should I take her out of preschool?

19 replies

Pinkjenny · 05/01/2011 15:09

Dd is currently attending the local pre-school, however our house is on the market, and she is not down to go to that school come September. Her weekly schedule is very busy, she goes to preschool 8.45am to 11.45am on a Monday, Thursday and Friday, and private nursery on a Tuesday and Wednesday.

She seems to quite enjoy preschool, and has made some friends, but I'm starting to wonder whether I have made a mistake putting her in, and whether she just has too much on. She does tend to get a little upset when we leave her, which she doesn't do at nursery, and she does get tired.

I wouldn't say it's having an adverse effect on her, but neither would I say it's doing her any particular good.

I'm wondering whether to just not send her back.

Thoughts?

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Original poster

Pinkjenny · 05/01/2011 15:37

Bump

Just to add - I don't want to send the message that she can just not go back to school if she doesn't like it, but bearing in mind she won't be going to this school in September, I'm not sure she will make the connection.

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Original poster

Pinkjenny · 05/01/2011 16:16

Slightly pathetic bump

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moginthedark · 05/01/2011 16:36

I know this is a bit of a woolly answer, but I think you know your DD best, and if she would prefer more time at home, then why not give it to her?

But I do sympathise - some children need tons of stimulation while others (like my DD, currently at pre-school) needs to have some down time at home as well as activities. She was exhausted at the end of December, and I'm going to do less going out and more hanging around with her this term.

And I don't think she'll get any kind of message about not going to school - although if my DD wasn't happy about going to school I'd quite probably take her out of that too!

Original poster

Pinkjenny · 05/01/2011 16:38

She is always happy when we pick her up, running out with friends etc, it's her reluctance to go that is bothering me. Also, sorry, I don't mean to drip feed, but we had the parent-teacher discussion thing before Christmas, and they described a child I don't even recognise. I don't actually agree with any of the things they said about her, they are so contrary to the core of her being. That is also making me very uncomfortable.

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ShowOfHands · 05/01/2011 16:40

Have you tried asking her?

What does she do on the afternoons when she's finished at preschool? Is she happy, awake enough to enjoy the rest of the day?

Honestly, if you feel she'd benefit more from being at home then that's the choice to make. Or maybe reduce it so that she doesn't go Mondays then she has a long weekend with you and it might make all the difference to her energy levels.

suiledonne · 05/01/2011 16:41

I took my dd out of preschool last year.

She was 3.4 when she started (in Ireland so school system a bit different).

She has asthma and was ill quite a lot of the first term. She found it very tiring and wasn't settling well.

In the end I decided to take her out. Luckily I was able to get a place for her this year in a different school and she settled very well.

Like previous poster said you know your own daughter well and if you think it is too much then it probably is.

I thought dd might think she could get out of going to the new school after a few weeks like she did first time round but it hasn't been an issue at all.

ShowOfHands · 05/01/2011 16:42

You sound uncomfortable with more than her schedule. Are there other preschools or playgroups locally?

suiledonne · 05/01/2011 16:42

Forgot to ask - how old is she?

ShowOfHands · 05/01/2011 16:43

She's 3.8, same age as my dd.

Original poster

Pinkjenny · 05/01/2011 16:49

SOH - I've thought about reducing it, but I'm just not sure what to do. I suppose their (IMHO!) totally inaccurate description of her behaviour and personality (this is based on what I know, what I've seen when I collect her, and her behaviour at nursery) is also bothering me. The teacher said, 'Because she's here so infrequently, I don't feel like we know her.' Which bothered me immensely, for some reason.

She is OK in the afternoons, yes, not exactly flaked out on the sofa or anything. No other preschools locally, really.

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skydance · 05/01/2011 16:51

How many hours is she doing at the private nursery, is she doing full days there?

I think I would be tempted to pull her out as she would still be going to the private nursery so it's not as if she's not mixing at all with other children.

Is it possible to get her into a pre-school where the new school is, or is it too far away until you move?

Original poster

Pinkjenny · 05/01/2011 16:52

skydance - full days, 8am to 6pm. No preschool places in the nursery of the school she will hopefully be attending.

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skydance · 05/01/2011 16:53

I also meant to say, I pulled my eldest out of a private nursery he was at and sent him to a local pre-school.

I was a little worried, as you said, that he would then think if he didn't like school he could just leave but we never had any issues at all and he's now in year 2.

skydance · 05/01/2011 16:56

2 full days a week at the private nursery is plenty, the only reason I would have also sent her to the pre-school is to make friends, but that dosen't apply as she will be attending a different school.

I'd pull her out of the pre-school given your circumstances.

ShowOfHands · 05/01/2011 16:58

Take her out Jen. I give you permission.

I wouldn't worry about giving her the message that she can leave school if she doesn't like it. She'll be very different come Sept anyway. I think you'll actually be giving her the message that if she's not happy then you do something to solve that. She'll know that her feelings are important and that you're responding appropriately to her.

I think the private nursery is enough for her. Could she have some time with your Mum on the other days?

Original poster

Pinkjenny · 06/01/2011 15:08

Yes - she would be with my mum on a Thursday and Friday. She was adamant that she didn't want to go today, so we haven't pushed her to. She came home from nursery last night and was exhausted but still wouldn't go to bed.

I am going to have a chat with the teacher, I think, and see how dd feels about it next week, when she is back into the rhythm of her normal routine.

I might consult dh also but that's not a promise.

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largevirginbirthandtonic · 06/01/2011 19:26

Pull her out. You get a feel for a nursery and you should go with that. She is doing enough going 2 full days at nursery anyhoo.

Ds only does 4 mornings a week atm.

llareggub · 06/01/2011 19:30

My DS used to go to a different pre-school than the one he currently goes to. For ages I agonised about moving him. Like your DD, the child they described was not the one I recognised.

Eventually I listened to my gut feeling and moved him. He absolutely adores his new pre-school and has made heaps of friends, whereas previously he spoke to no one. I'm so glad we eventually moved him.

kiwibella · 06/01/2011 22:51

I had the opposite situation - dd loves pre-school but she fussed about going to nursery. This arrangement was necessary for me to go to work. She would be upset about going to nursery as soon as she woke, if not the night before, and she would be tearful when I left her every morning... yet happy and had a great day when I collected her. This went on for a year! All that kept me going was knowing how happy she was when I collected her. I don't know what changed. Sometimes she comments that she doesn't like nursery... so we talk further about all the things and people she loves.

Co-incidentally, we introduced a calendar to encourage bed-times (crawling in to ours in the night) and I put her activities on the calendar as well. Nursery and pre-school are colour coded with their initials (she can recognise some letters) and she can visually work out what is happening each day. Dd randomly recites how her week works (nursery, nursery, pre-school....). The calendar excites her so much. Each week we sit down to make it together, going through what we have on - including visitors, birthday parties, library etc. I use a table on word and we google for images which she chooses.

The reason I mention this is her attitude to nursery has changed. She knows when she is going and for how many days. She understands that this arrangement is necessary for Mum to work (money = food on the table, haircuts, treats).

If you can dedicate the time to your dd, then do. It won't be long before she is at school for six hours and day and you will be wishing the time back. If not, make it work and don't feel guilty about your dd's emotions. We all have to do things we don't enjoy .

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