Hitting other children

[signet]

I went to pick DS (4) up from reception class today and was called to one side by the teacher. He's not had a good day - has spent the day hitting other children and throwing things at them. How do I handle this? They asked him what was going on and he couldn't say (although they did say they he always admitted it was him doing it but couldn't explain why he was doing it). He just said to me that he was feeling cross with himself. Poor teachers were clearly at their wits end with him. He's usually easy going and eager to please but not today

When I questioned if he was usually like this at school they said not really, although he has gone down hill over the last few weeks. At home, he's absolutely fine, no problem at all, easy going and very sweet.

As I said, I've tried to talk to him about it, but he can't articulate why. There is nothing worrying him as far as I can tell, he was just lashing out at anyone who came anywhere near him. Should I discipline him at home for bad behaviour at school? Seems sad if he's had a bad day at school to keep it going at home, but I want him to understand that I don't think its acceptable behaviour.

I'm probably paranoid now but I'm wondering what on earth is wrong with him - does he have some problem that is just making him anti-social? He is struggling with his hearing and perhaps this is making him frustrated? I didn't think his hearing was that bad though (he has a follow up appointment in Jan).

Or should I just put it down to a bad patch and hope it gets better?

as soon as you said hearing - it all made sense to me - my daughter was partially deaf and wasn't diagnosed til she was 8. she was a very angry and frustrated child and this made sense.

i am sure that you and the school can come up with some methods to try and combat this behaviour and make the school understand that it is probably through frustration, especially if he has trouble hearing things, or trouble verbalising - my child had speech issues too ( which they put down to her being a twin before diagnosis fuckwits)

thinking to the future, if he has to have hearing aids -the noise might all bea bit much and he might need some space just for quietness.

this might be a good idea now, as long as it isn't muted as a punishement.

i think specific triggers should be looked for - certain children, times of the day etc.

he should sit at the front of the class and the teacher should always look at him - if he is partially deaf, he absolutley WILL by now be proficient beyond your wildest imagination - in lipreading, its absolutely amazing to realise this.

frustration really does sound like a key part.

put him to bed early he is prob knackered as it near the end of term, and if he is anything like my dd bored and fed up with all the xmas fuss

It sounds like he's feeling upset and frustrated about something and is lashing out because of it. I wouldn't add any punishment to what the school have already done, as I don't think that would be fair, and I don't think you need to do that to let him know its not acceptable, because I'm sure he already understands that and was just expressing his own unhappiness at something.

Once he's calmed down a bit, you could try again asking why he was unhappy today (not asking why he hit people, he probably doesn't understand that himself) and see what he comes up with. It might be frustration at his hearing if that's an ongoing problem for him, or maybe he was just struggling with something he thinks he should be able to do.

Obviously the hearing could be the big issue here and I think custardo gives great advice.

Before I got to the hearing bit I was thinking "over tired" My DS's behaviour always slides towards the end of term.

Lots of early nights just in case

Thanks ladies. I think he is frustrated like you say. The school know his hearing is poor - he failed one hearing test and is waiting for a second one. They do things like put him right in front of the teacher and have paired him up with a friend for activities such as PE when he can't hear the teacher. His speech isn't very clear either so I wonder if he struggles to make himself understood.

He broke my heart earlier when he came out and said he was so bad at school that he felt like he was going to get arrested !

He's definitely tired as well though with the end of term so perhaps that's exasperating things.

I'll ask him later on what was making him unhappy. I wish we could tell what was going on inside their heads sometimes.

Bless his little heart, he's still so so young.

Even without the hearing difficulties, he'll probably be fed up by now of all the pre-Christmas excitement, really feeling the disruption to his usual school routine (which he'd probably only just got used to in the first place!), and absolutely exhausted as the end of his first term at proper school approaches. As an infant teacher myself, I can assure you that he won't be the only one in the class whose behaviour will have worsened in the last few weeks!

Thanks pinkgirlythoughts, that's really encouraging. I suspected the pre-Christmas excitement may be getting to him - he's definitely in a permanent state of exhaustion but was anxious that I may just be coming up with excuses for bad behaviour. I think I'll just be reminding him to be kind and gentle with the other children for now and see how things go after Christmas in the new year.

Thank you ladies for the encouragement.