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Primary education

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Original poster

Another Christmas play thread....but not sure

15 replies

emy72 · 10/12/2010 13:22

...what to do!

DS1 has been a bit sad, upset and withrdawn for a couple of weeks, dragging his heels going to school - tbh I have been putting down to tiredness as he is in Reception and only an August child, so still young.

Yesterday they have the school play; they had most kids with a talking part of some description and then my DS1 and 3 others sat down doing nothing at all for the duration.

TBH I didn't really notice or think much of it and DS1 hadn't said much about this play, so no issues. We went home after the play and his behaviour was shocking! He was just so angry and upset. I sat him down and asked him what the hell was wrong with him.

He said that he hated the Christmas play and never wants to do one again. I asked why and he kept saying "because I am rubbish" "because I didn't get to talk or sing or do anything, because I am rubbish at everything".

I felt really sorry for him.

I don't know what to do. He got up this morning and kept saying that there is no point going to school as he is so rubbish at everything.

There are no other issues at school as teacher told me he is doing really well, so I don't know whether to let it blow over or not. Maybe I could wait a few days and see?

I am just so upset for him, as this has really damaged his confidence (I don't think he was bothered about being Joseph or Mary, btw, I think he just felt upset that he didn't get to do anything at all).

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SuePurblybiltByElves · 10/12/2010 13:26

That's crap, your poor wee boy. But if you say something, they may think you're mental . I pointed out a similar situation to a teacher (DD thought she was being punished as she didn't get this special praise system they have) and I did get the impression they thought I was just being PFB about it.
I don't suppose you can change anything i the play but it might be worth focussing on what he is good at and trying to get the teacher to do the same?

PigeonStreet · 10/12/2010 13:28

How upsetting for your ds.
I think a gentle word with the teacher might be in order. If you say that you thought he was upset because he didn't seem much involved in the play it won't sound like you are moaning about him not having a leading role (which you aren't but I suspect most teachers might assume this as soon as you mention the play YSWIM).

As you said he has been doing really well this behaviour sticks out as out of the ordinary and I would imagine the teacher will understand. Good luck and I hope he feels better about it

DuchessOfAvon · 10/12/2010 13:30

I think its worth a quiet chat with the teacher so she can rethink her strategy for next year.

Our reception concert was short and sweet - all the children singing together for 8 or so songs. No-one picked out to do anything different, no lines, just them singing. It was very sweet and worked brilliantly.

I think they do need to realise that at least one child feels unfairly treated and left out, and that there may be a different approach to this kind of thing.

Concordia · 10/12/2010 13:31

yes i would speak to the teacher but not mention the play. just say you are worried as his behaviour has changed at home and he is not wanting to come to school and saying he is rubbish. ask if everything is ok at school. let's hope he is happier after teh holidays (i'd mention it before then though)

GrimmaTheNome · 10/12/2010 13:36

I think you ought to say something to the teacher because he may be upset at school too.

There's really no excuse for 4 children having nothing to do in an xmas show. Why on earth wasn't he even singing?

choccyp1g · 10/12/2010 14:41

A word with the teacher is in order. A good teacher will quickly think of something to boost his confidence; giving out the class Christmas cards, taking an "important" message to the head etc.
I'd also want to know WHY the sad 4 were left out in this way. It does seem thoughtless of the teacher.

Original poster

emy72 · 10/12/2010 15:12

Oh thanks for this advice!

My DD1 had a Christmas play last year in a different school and it was great, they all sang songs and some older children had leading parts.

To be honest my DD1 would absolutely hate having a talking part anyway, so I have been relieved she didn't have to do that last year or this year - so definitely not a case of wanting my kids to have a lead role! I was just taken aback by my son's extreme reaction and I could see his point...

I think it's great advice to go and speak to the teacher about his confidence - there might be other issues too, who knows. He is definitely not very happy and this might have just been the last straw!!! Or it could be that he is just very very tired!

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hels71 · 10/12/2010 18:11

In the school I helped out in last year, at the KS1 performance it looked as though one or two children were not doing anything...in fact they were meant to be sheep (along with many others) and singing all the songs....BUT they had decided to refuse to take part and just sat doing nothing...
Is it possible your DC and the others were meant to be doing something and just did not for one reason or another. It later transpired that one of the not taking part ones wanted to be an angel and would not join in because they were not.(First we had heard of this...)

Original poster

emy72 · 10/12/2010 19:52

Hels, it is unlikely because they had older children on the sides doing all the singing in the breaks of the play and the parents' of most children who had lines had been sent the lines home to rehearse (even the ones who were saying one word or two lol).

The little group he was in just came in and sat down and that was it.

Bit sad really in a way. He came home tonight and started whinging about the play again - I am sick of hearing it now!!!!

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hels71 · 10/12/2010 20:32

Hmm, well that seems rather odd then. I have been involved in school plays for many many years and never have there been only 4 children not doing anything......they have always all been singing if nothing else. (unless said children have refused..) I would ask the class teacher..there may be some good reason but it is worth knowing..

CurlyhairedAssassin · 10/12/2010 22:24

If it were me I would just be totally honest with the teacher and say exactly what you have said on this thread in your OP. If your teacher is any good and she knows you and your boy well, then she won't think you are mad. She will listen to your concerns, especially if you describe how he is saying he is rubbish at this, that or the other and his confidence has taken a nosedive.

Maybe it will help if you say "I was wondering how he was during rehearsals for the play as he has been coming home saying that he is rubbish and seems to have lost a bit of confidence - didn't he want to join in with the singing?"

Or if you don't want to put the emphasis on the play, you could add "I was wondering if there was anything else he was having problems with, aside from the play, as I think his worry over it has got a bit out of hand and is affecting his confidence about coming to school?"

Original poster

emy72 · 11/12/2010 10:28

Very good points, I think I will do that, ie go and ask how he's getting on in general. He did come home again crying today saying "I can't do capital letters - I am rubbish". So we did a few this morning and there were only a couple he'd forgotten. He was a lot happier then!

I think part of the problem is that he is very competitive despite being so young and maybe he sees some of the girls getting everything right, getting all the parts in the play, being class monitor (he's mentioned that before) and he's feeling a bit "rubbish". It doesn't help that he has a sister at home who is only 1 year older than him and better at everything in his eyes.

It's like he's getting it at home and at school poor thing!

I will wait until after Christmas now just in case he's just massively tired, then we can rule that out after the break!!

Thanks for all your advice as usual!

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CurlyhairedAssassin · 11/12/2010 14:45

Oh yes, the tiredness thing will be a big factor. I've lost count of how many mini tantrums and whinges I've seen when I've gone to pick my 2 up from school.

Good luck!

letsblowthistacostand · 12/12/2010 10:04

I would want to know why he wasn't in the play! Surely they always have room for more sheep? I would ask if he'd had stage fright--then it doesn't sound like you're being PFB. Which, by the way, is ridiculous. Of course you want to know why your child wasn't up there singing!! It's not like you barged in to the classroom in October demanding he be given the lead, you just want him included with the other children. It's perfectly reasonable to ask. And FWIW if your DS is that distressed, I wouldn't wait til after xmas, I'd want to get to the bottom of it now so I could work with him over the break!

mrz · 12/12/2010 10:53

I didn't see the FS nativity on Friday but staff said some of the most enthusiastic children in rehearsals never opened their mouths when faced with an audience of mums and dads and while I'm sure from your post there are other issues with your son this may in part account for the four not singing (I hope)

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