4.5 year old reception - couple of questions about a few things he's said - your insight please !

[herbgarden]

I posted on the behaviour thread about my DS getting unusually tearful at home about things in general and eventually it seemed that one of his classmates was bothering him - he's in reception. He's only 4.5 years old so a summer birthday and young for his year.

He's sociable and chatty and his speech is good for his age. He's a running around not pottering type and plays equally happily with the girls and the boys. He seems to be making friends fairly easily and has been invited to a few playdates and parties since we've started - particularly with little boys who seemed to lack in his life before - only due to circumstance. He also does a swimming and tennis class outside of school.

That's the positive. The negative is that there is one boy at school who seems to trouble him quite a lot. " Picking" on him is too strong I think - they're only 4.5/ years old but his behaviour is at times quite aggressive and he's quite physical. He will go out of his way to annoy DS and will get quite physical and of course DS being highly sensitive rises to it and gets upset easily by it. The only maybe upside is that we went to a playdate last week where the boy was there and he seemed to be doing this to a few kids. There is also though another little boy who seems to "growl" at my DS whenever he sees him in the playground, like his space is being invaded (he's also in DS's class) and only ever behaves quite badly to him. This other boy has done this when his Mum is around and she seems to be quite embarassed by it....but DS again got quite upset when it happened the other day.

What's your experience of 4/5 year old boys? I worry about DS being very over-sensitive - it would sound harsh to say he needs to toughen up but I find a lot of the boys his age quiet "pent up". DS is by no means an angel but his traits are more emotional - getting upset easily by small comments/no sense of humour at times/being very arsey when he doesn't get his own way but he doesn't tend to pick fights for the hell of it more he will retaliate if someone picks on him (or depending on the mood go into emotional meltodwn).

One other thing (bear with me !!) He has started to ask if the "big Children" will be there (for example when we had a school fete,when they have their school play,when he has their christmas lunch) - he doesn't seem to not want to go to school so I don't think it's anyone specific bothering him but has anyone got experience of this ? He just seems quite fearful of the older kids at school.

Thanks in advance for your thoughts !

Hi Herbgarden - long time no see. DS1 started reception in September too - very sweet, sociable, friendly boy. He told us he was being pushed at playtimes (at lunchtime) by children whose names he didnt know - it really upset me and I wrote a note to his teacher about it. She called me up the same day and talked to me about it, spoke to DS1 and the playground attendants to ensure that they paid him extra attention. It has happened once since and the attendants intervened immediately and as a result he is much happier. So I'd really recommend speaking to your son's class teacher about your concerns, and the fact that DS1 is so sensitive, and ask for her recommendations. Do you know any people with older children at the school who DS1 is familiar with? Perhaps have them round for tea and a playdate - if DS1 thinks he knows some older kids at school, he might feel abit happier/more relaxed around older kids generally?

I'd be tempted to have a word with your DSs teacher before the end of term, see what her view of things is.

I'm wondering as well, if tiredness is a contributing factor to the tearfulness at the moment. Small children are pretty much wiped out with tiredness by the end of their first (and subsequent) terms in school and it does sound as though your DS has been having a very busy, fun time (what with the playdates and out-of-school activities as well as the new experience of school and the long days that brings). Perhaps it's all catching up with him, and leaving him struggling to shrug off some of his classmates odd behaviour which he might normally be able to cope with.

Sorry I can't offer more useful advice. Hope you get to the bottom of what's going on soon.

Thanks Dinky !....lovely to hear from you. I spend my life worrying about DS - DD is so much less of a handful in the emotional sense of the word - girl or second child thing I don't know but...
I was thinking I might speak to the teacher this week when I'm in the playground - I'll send a note in and see if I can after school. They tell me he's very happy but they don't see a lot of what goes on do they - how can they when there are near on 30 in his class (local state primary albeit a very good one you can't get over the class sizes can you) - One of the kids who is bothering him has an older sister but that's a good idea. He does talk of some of his classmates and their older siblings but also goes to childcare with some older children from school (not after school club) and they are closely supervised and he's very fond of them so I just don't know what it is !

Anyway, hope life is good with you and that DS2 is getting on fine - can you believe they'll be 2 soon ! DD is a gorgeous bundle of fun but very hard work at times particularly this independent streak that she seems to have found recently.. It is lovely though getting a few hours a week just the two of us. I forget what it was like to just have one to deal with !

pip you know you might be right - he does school and childcare half the week and then his two activities (which I do more to keep him off the telly when we get home and due to there being few "active" activities at school) on my day off. It's funny when you put it in writing I can see that you may speak some truth. It is nearly the end of term and I'm hoping xmas doesn't finish us off !....we'll see where we go !

A few days off, a little bit of boredom reduced stimulation and he'll be back on top form.

Hopefully the teacher will give you some coping strategies to plan/talk about over the holidays and you'll all find next term a doddle.

Good Luck

Good to hear DD is doing well - DS2 is a little firebrand here too, v independent and stubborn, but adorable with it. Not speaking much but understands everything.

I agree with the other posts that tiredness might be something to do with it - I know DS1 gets v tired and tearful (and over-reacts) when he's tired at playdates/afterschool football club. But definitely do speak to your DS's teacher - might help put your mind at rest abit - and remember the mummy mantra.

Aaaah yes, that one ! I seem to be using that very often recently for both of them (and DH)....