yr 1 chatting and messing about

[Acinonyx]

Dd's teacher tells me she is spending a lot of time sitting at the back of the class messing about with her best friend and not getting on with her work as much as teacher would like. I think they are sometimes separated but I'm wondering how best I could tackle dd about this.

Dd is generally very quiet and quite shy but adores this particular friends who is very confident and outgoing. The mum couldn't go to the parent consultations so hasn't heard about this. Not sure whether to broach the subject or not.

There is no doubt at all as to who is leading who. I don't want dd to fall out with her friend - she's only 5 - how do I get her to pay more attention? I'm sure this must be a very common problem.

I myself spent vast amounts of school time (most of the time - sometimes all of the time....) either chattering or daydreaming and don't really want dd to do the same. Any tips?

You can have a word with her about how important it is to listen and work hard at school, and that there is playtime etc for chatting. BUT if this is in the classroom then it is really the teacher who needs to stop it. If it happens when she is sat at the back then obviously she needs to be moved to the front and not sat next to the particular friend. You can reinforce the need to behave but you cannot be there in the classroom.

Yes, I do feel a bit helpless. I'm left wondering what exactly the teacher expects of me. This friendship was flagged to me last year as well. Not only is this dd's best friend, her mother is also a very good friend of mine. I get the impression I am being advised to discourage this friendship but I'm not inclined to do that.

Who advised you to discourage the friendship and why?

pinktortoise is right - you should have a word with dd, but I doubt this will help with a 5 year old. It is the teacher's job to control her class. She needs to seperate them during lesson time.

During YR my DS made friends with a boy who he enjoyed being silly with. DS will be silly with whoever he can. His teacher made me aware once or twice that she had to separate them, but didn't expect me to do anything. This year, in Y1 they are not in the same class, although they are best friends. I did agree with that as they don't work well together, they can be as silly and stupid as they like in the playground.

I agree with pinktortoise - it's really up to the teacher to stop this. The teacher can control where she sits, and who she sits next to. You could tell your dd that the teacher has mentioned it, and that she should try to concentrate and not let her friend distract her. But tbh this age group are easily distracted, so it's up to the teacher to make it less possible, not you.

Hello Aci

How lovely that she's got such a good friend! I can't see that this is a problem for you to fix at all. My response to the teacher would be to ask what she's planning to do about it. And I definitely wouldn't raise it with the other girl's mother.

Thanks all. I was a bit taken aback at the time and didn't think to ask how they intended to deal with it.

Hi Aranea - you probably remember how worried I was last year that dd was finding it hard going socially. You just can't win can you - now I hear she is always in the same 'gang of girls' and messing about with her best friend in particular. I remember crying in the playground last year, I was so worried about dd being lonely at school.

How is your dd doing? I know we were having a lot of similar worries in reception.

Maybe the teacher is aware of the close friendships and is just flagging to you that there is a concern. Some parents can be put out if their children are moved away from friends. Although it is the teacher's responsibsility let her know you are in favour of separating the children in class.

Mine is getting on well. I'm pleased, she seems more confident and has some good friendships. But no 'best friend', which sometimes I worry about and sometimes think is a good thing.