Boisterous Boy

[snowDancing]

Is there any thing we as parents can do to help him settle at school?

We have had a few comments from his teacher about this, but no advice, and some of the other parents are starting to label him. The really is no maliciousness just inability to settle and over excitement. Some of the other DC dislike the over excitement. He started this year but prior to this was alway talked about as being exceptionally helpful, well behaved even in settings where he was by himself.

Prior to the comments I had noticed him being rewarded with stickers and certificates much less than other DC - though I had made no mention to teacher. He was initially upset by this now seems uninterested by such rewards - even at home. His confidence and behavior at home have gone down hill which I had put down to boundary testing and settling down.

Our family think he is being unfairly compared to his slightly older sister - typical 'good girl' ie quiet, helpful, desperate to please with fierce competitive streak. We have had problems prior to school with people assuming he much older due to physical appearance and good speech and wonder if that is an issue with the other parents.

Apart from trying to work of his excess energy prior to school day and maybe try and get him outside more, difficult this time of year, is there anything we can do to help support him?

My top tips: no TV in the morning, watch the orange juice (it made my son hyper), walk at least some of the way to school.

Next go and talk to the teacher, ask them about his behaviour. If they don't give you a book to record his behaviour (smiley faces, neutral faces, and sad ones), maybe you can produce one, and ask them to record before break, after break, and after lunch. Say you want to see if there is a pattern to his livelyness. Agree you want to work on his behaviour. Hopefully it will also show to the teachers he is not always lively (and might even prompt them to give him a few stickers, I've known 16 year olds motivated by stickers!).

However my first thought was this school might be better with girls than boys. Boys of 5 ish can go through a testosterone surge, so it might be that too.

Good luck!

sorry for crashing but can i ask why no tv in morning ... just interested ! thanks !

Difficult one but by all means not unusual!

I am not sure about the TV in the mornings thing as mine have always watched it and we've never felt it to be a problem, but I would try some strong boundary setting at home.

We had this in spurts with DS1 and as tiring as it was some days, he was timed out constantly, even 15-20 times in an evening. Then it would carry on for a few days, sometimes weeks and just suddenly settle down.

Boundary setting seems to work for my boys, but I appreciate all children are different. Rewards/reward charts have never worked for my kids at home, not sure why. They seem to respond much better with time out as it is more immediate and they hate being left out.

Good luck, it is tough when the kids play up, especially when you are not there to see why....

I feel that boys need so much positive reinforcement. I don't know about the teacher or their system for rewarding, but I feel sometimes for some of the other children in my DS' class who always seem to be on the 'yellow' or 'red' (they have a traffic light system). You can tell in their faces when they walk out the door that they are not happy about how their day went but they don't seem to know how to stick to good behaviour.

I am very lucky, DS is settled at school and doesn't have any behaviour issues. But I would go with the other poster and you make sure you reward him a lot when he does well. Practice some of the school stuff at home. Do some school pretend play and let him be the teacher and see what comes out.

Thanks - we already do all the top tips, even the orange juice - we are one of those milk or water households.

We do not do T.V in the morning - due to lack of time. We do get to school early some mornings and let them both run round - but I am not sure if that helps run off excess energy or just hypes him up. Will look at morning routine though as both DC have found them fraught for a few weeks.

I love the idea of a behavior book - I just get grabbed at in out times and feel likes 'moaned' at with all the other parents ear wigging with no idea if there are triggers. He does have a chronic medical condition which has been interfering with sleep - which they are aware and I have been speaking with teacher about daily not sure if that could be a factor. I am worried about lack of rewards at school and can not help wondering if she was expecting DD mark two and is disappointed.

I think we have to make sure we are doing the strong boundaries and much more positive re-enforcement at home - maybe that has slipped. The role -playing is a very good idea to.

Thank you for all the suggestions and replies.

I assume your DS is in reception. If your DS has been well behaved before starting school, then I would assume the problem lies somewhere in school.

Would it be a good idea to have another word with the teacher and try to work something out together? She may be the early years specialist but you know your child best. Could you go in and observe him? What does your DS say? Does he like school? Is he very young?

My DS alway got very over-excited and stupid when he didn't like something or when he was tired. At home this went on for months when he was 3-4, and he was really difficult to calm down.

When DS started reception, there were a few things he didn't like and he let the teacher know quite assertively - he saw the headteacher twice in the first term, other children started labelling him 'naughty'. Now in Y1, he seems to be conforming a bit more.

We have a boisterous boy who is nearly 6. His teacher is marvellous and has introduced for him and a couple of other such boys in her class a smiley face chart where he either gets a sad face (and she marks what for), a straight across face or a smiley face (double smiley if very good. If he has sad or straightfaces I then talk to him about it that evening.

All his teachers are in on it and it includes break and lunch and it really seems to be working. At the end of a period - say a month he then gets to choose a small something if he has done enough.

DS actually likes it - it's become a bit of a competition with the other boys who do it and all the rest of the class know he is on a smiley face chart as well so they try and help him to get smiley faces. He has so far had 3 certificates for having a particularly good run (we do have very bad days though!!)

She has also introduce for the whole class a marble jar that all the children get to do collectively. If they have been good they put a marble in and when the jar is full the teacher is going to reward them all.

Perhaps you could suggest something like this to your teacher? It does seem to work.

Rest of school has behavioral systems in place in reception it seems to be stickers and certificates which seem randomly assigned and to be missing DS. He does have a tendency to claim not to want things he can not get - and he was initially upset by lack of stickers and now claims not to want or care for them at home or school.

I think I definitely need to find out what is actually going on at school. He had been looking forward to going to school now he says he does not want to go or is just very quiet. The problems is everything is fine or normal then I get drip fed these negative comments and when I try and get more informations our concerns are brushed away.

I guess I will just have to keep at the teacher and see what I can find out while trying to find ways of helping him at home.

Thank you for all the replies - they have been very helpful.

No TV in the morning because its what worked with my son! In year 1 he was getting into all kinds of trouble, stopping TV in the morning and playing with Lego instead helped keep him calm (we have since backslide but son is now 14).

It is well known that unachievable rewards demotivate. It's partly why telling pupils their grades has been shown to demotivate most of them (the middle and bottom feel they can never achieve the high grades, the top ones can get complacent).

Sorry just to add, make a specific appointment to see the teacher and discuss your concerns. Go in with 2-3 questions you want fully answered and see that you get good answers.

Good luck!

Lots and lots (and lots) of physical activity sometimes does the trick. If he?s not into organised sport such as football, you could try swimming, cycling or gym.