changing schools - how to help the kids cope?

[ByeByeJude]

Hi, my eldest two of four kids are going to change schools in January. We have just made this decision as the confidence of DS in year 2 has hit rock bottom and the school cannot accomodate his needs - a square peg into a round hole scenario! DD1 is perfectly happy and thriving in year 1, but with a recent diagnosis of hearing loss she will at some stage require more support than the school can offer her. After trying to change things both as a parent and as a governor, I have now realised that things are not likely to change.

I don't really know why I feel as if I have to justify why the kids will change schools,we have found a lovely friendly school just up the road from the old one and their support for children who have additional learning needs is brilliant.

Rationally I know we are making the right decision, but I am just worried sick about how the children will cope, and how and when to explain this to them. It is not as if they are unhappy (although DS's behaviour certainly indicates that he is very frustrated and in need of lots of comforting at home), the school is what they have known all their educational life and they seem settled. I can't see a way of explaining to them why they are moving without implying that they have a problem.

Has anyone been in a similar situation and how did you prepare your children for the move? When to tell them? And what to say? Those are just some of my questions..... I'd be really grateful for any advice any of you can give. Thank you!

Try not to worry. The new school sounds as tho it will be much better and they will probably be quite happy when they get there.

I have just moved my dd for similar reasons. I was expecting quite a reaction, but none came (well, not yet, anyway ).

I told her as soon as I had decided, lest she find out on the grapevine. I told her it was because she had too many different teachers at her old school, and no good help with her maths, which was beginning to make her stressed. It was about two weeks before a holiday, and so four weeks before she moved.

It has gone really well so far: she seems much more relaxed and is receiving actual help and support at school!

Hope your move goes as well and good luck.

I think that it helps to pick out one or two things that they can look forward to at their new school. When I moved ds2 the cookery club at the new school was a big plus. Also being able to give the children a simple understandable reason for the move can also be helpful I think. When I moved ds2 I didn't put his old school down (for a start I kept ds1 there), just explained why we thought that the new school was better for him.

Children are often more adaptable than you think.

We moved DD at half term (Y2). I told her a few weeks before and her initial reaction was that she didn't want to leave, but within 2 weeks when she had had time to get used to it she was quite excited. I pointed out a few things I knew she would perceive as 'better' at her new school and she had a taster day where she was made a big fuss of which helped.

Another thing to consider is whether you want a clean break from their old circle of friends or not. I have let DD stay in touch with her old friends and she still is included in their parties and play-dates. This works for her, but I know some parents prefer to cut right off.

It is a bit traumatic for us as parents, but as lots of people reminded me, sometimes it is good to learn to deal with major change at a young age.

Hope it goes ok for you - just keep focused on a term or 2 down the track when they are settled!

Hi everyone, thank you so much for your help!! We have told them now, and emphasised that it is so their little sister will have a definitely place at the same school as them. The older two seem to be ok, they say they don't want to go (or they want to be at both schools)but we have made arrangements with their best school friends to meet up in the new year and the dates are in the diary for the kids to see. Just stared planning DS' birthday party as well as he will celebrate his 7th birthday a mere two weeks into the new school, and arranged ballet classes and football clubs at the new school.

Without you, I would not have told them as early as now, I would have told them during Christmas, but now the kids seem to e coming to terms with the decision and saying their own good-byes, in their own ways. As a new mum to mumsnet, I am very grateful to you all! Thank you.