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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

Help! - struggling with a decision

13 replies

m8nd1 · 17/11/2010 11:14

Hello all - new to the site.

I have a 4 yo DD who started reception in September. I haven't been completely happy since she started, but nothing I could put my finger on.

Last few weeks have seen some bullying (came home with bump on head, name calling, isolating etc) and spoke to class teacher three times.

Teacher basically said it was normal childhood behaviour and asked if I wanted DD to be separated from the other children.

I realise there is a settling in period but I have no confidence in the teacher/school and am going to work worried sick.

I'm baffled - the communication seems to be poor, its' not improving and I'm considering moving her to another school to start after Christmas.

Has anyone else had this type of experience, and if so, what did you do?

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muddleduck · 17/11/2010 11:17

bumps on head etc are not acceptable.

do they have an antibullying policy? It is completely inadequate for them to suggest that separating your DD is the only slution to this. The teacher needs to intervene to show the children what is/isn't acceptable behaviour.

cory · 17/11/2010 11:36

Any one of these could be normal childhood behaviour/accidental/a one off, the problem is that the teacher is not doing a very good job of reassuring you that the school would deal with it if it did turn out to be bullying. We've had all the things you mentioned happen to ds over time- what made the difference was that I felt I could trust the school to deal with anything that needed dealing with.

SoupDragon · 17/11/2010 11:38

I wouldn't be happy with any school that suggested isolating my child as a way to put a stop to what I perceived as bullying.

SoupDragon · 17/11/2010 11:40

It could jut be normal child stuff but, TBH, i would be wanting them to teach the children is is not acceptable.

sims2fan · 17/11/2010 13:53

The teacher is not handling it very well, and you should go above her head and ask to speak to the Head of Foundation Stage, or Head Teacher. Teachers should not accept that bullying is 'normal' and not do anything about it. Aged 4 and 5 most children are still generally quite sweet, and only do this kind of thing if they think it is accepted. If the teacher was tougher about it I am sure it could easily be stamped out in children this young.

smee · 17/11/2010 14:07

Sounds useless to me - she's only 4 after all. Just so you can compare, no way would that teacher be allowed to say that in our primary. Children aren't allowed to call one another names, or even play fight. Anyone doing either is swiftly dealt with and children who have problems are found a buddy or circle of friends to help them through. It's only an average inner city primary, so not gold standard or anything, but they do put a lot into making sure the kids feel safe and happy.

IndigoBell · 17/11/2010 14:27

Moving school sounds like a good idea. All schools are different. For whatever reason you might find a different one works better for you.

Original poster

m8nd1 · 17/11/2010 15:04

Thanks for all your kind words. I was starting to think I was going a bit mad!

smee - She is only 4, and a young 4 too so I may be being a bit overprotective, but she's my little girl and I agree with what you say.

The teachers job share and there are 50 in the two reception classes, so I guess they have their hands full but even so..

I've got an appointment at another school on Friday to go and look around. It might be hasty but I can't let DD's confidence get knocked by what's been happening.

Thanks for the sanity check.

OP posts:

Original poster

m8nd1 · 17/11/2010 15:52

Thanks for all your kind words. I was starting to think I was going a bit mad!

smee - She is only 4, and a young 4 too so I may be being a bit overprotective, but she's my little girl and I agree with what you say.

The teachers job share and there are 50 in the two reception classes, so I guess they have their hands full but even so..

I've got an appointment at another school on Friday to go and look around. It might be hasty but I can't let DD's confidence get knocked by what's been happening.

Thanks for the sanity check.

OP posts:

smee · 17/11/2010 17:48

50's no excuse in my book - comparing again, but we have two classes of 30 in each and the teachers seem to manage.

Lydwatt · 17/11/2010 18:01

Go with your gut feeling...about this school and the one you are looking round.

make sure it is an improvement before you move!! Do you know any parents with kids already there?

fruitstick · 17/11/2010 18:30

What does your DD say. I can't imagine the teachers let bullying go unchallenged. However some children are more boistrous at this age and they can all take a while to tame.

Ask the teachers exactly what they think is going on and what they are doing about it.

All of that goes on on a daily basis at my school. Not for the whole day but pockets here and there. It's not tolerated but does happen with children thrown together.

Is your DD assertive usually? How is her behaviour?

JoanneEmily · 17/11/2010 22:58

This doesn't sound acceptable to me at all. I would look around the other school and also tell them why you are considering a move so that they can tell you how they would deal with any bullying type issues. The last thing you want is your DD being put off school.

I don't think you are over reacting at all. We have to be on top of these things.

Good luck.

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