Yr2 friendships

[LittleGreenFr0g]

My daughter is in Year 2, and has been best friends with A since reception. They both became friends with B and C in year 1, and I also became friends with B's mum around the same time. All was well and they played nicely together.

When they moved to year 2, C moved away so this has left a 3, which is never a good number. B seems to becoming between my DD and A, and telling A that she can't play with her, making sure she is sitting between them all the time etc. Everyday my daughter comes home with a squabble or fight they have had. My DD has made another friend D, and this has helped.We have invited her round for tea and she is a lovely little girl.

Anyway today my DD came out in tears and as I was talking to B's mum, B called my DD a bully! Now I know that my daughter is no angel and there are 2 sides to every story but my DD can see no reason why B would call her a bully. Also, A and B said to my DD's new friend D that she was not allowed to play with her or they would hurt her :(

This is really upsetting and not sure where to go now? I don't want to ruin my friendship with B's mum but I feel we need to get to the bottom of this? Do I speak to her? Do I speak to the teacher? Can a 6 year old be that vinditive?

Also I am sad that this is spoiling her friendship with A, who seems to be easily led by B. Sorry if this is long. Any advice would be appreciated x

Littlegreenfrog Just to let you know this is 'anti-bullying week' so could that be the source of the 'bully' name? Girls do have very intense friendships and it is often tricky to know when/how to intervene. Perhaps have a chat with the mum you are friends with. If you can, try not to let what is happening between the children affect your adult friendship.

Having similar issues with DS1 so its not just a girl thing, boys can be, and are, just as intense and fickle about friendships.

FWIW, I think its very likely that the problem starts with just one of the girls (B) having trouble with friendships, and then affecting the others. dd is in Y2, and there is one little girl who does a lot of this 'you're my friend, she isn't, you're mine, whisper whisper' etc. rather than share friends and play in groups.

Might you be able to chat to A's mother, rather than B's? See if A's mother can talk to A, help her to set boundaries along the lines of 'I want to be friends with you, and I'm also friends with 'dd'' and 'its not ok to push one friend away to be with another'.

I did this with my dd, and also explained that she'd be helping her (jealous) friend by showing her that she doesn't have to be mean in order to have friends. It seems to have worked, though they've all backed away from 'jealous friend'.

It IS antibullying week, so a perfect time for general chats with kids about not threatening to hurt people, excluding people, etc. Could you talk to all three of your mum friends in a general way, saying the girls seem to be having trouble with being friends in a group, and enlist their help??

Thank you for your replies. I did speak the teacher this morning and she is well aware of what is going on. B's mum spoke to her yesterday after the incident a pick up time. She spoke to the four of them today about the importance of being kind to your friends.

However my daughter came out looking sad again as apparently A has now said that B is her best friend but my DD can be second :(

Elibean - thank for your detailed reply and I will certainly try some of the things you suggested. I did think about getting us 3 mums together and coming up with a plan of action :)