what to do?

[arcenciel]

I was shocked and very embarassed when the teacher said that my 6 year son has punched his friend (the following day the teeth have come out)...buut I felt very confused by the teacher reaction as she was so crossed that I could not say anything...I managed to speak to his friend's mum which obsiouly was very upset and really appreciated that I came to her to apologize. Myself was not proud of what he did and so devasted that I refused to take him to his swimming lesson. I decided as well not to take him to the school winter fair ( I am not sure if this is a right sanction to take ... but I want him to reflect on his act)
My son is a very lively boy and can be sometimes rough when playing with his friends as he gets easily exicted...and I am sure that was an accident...after talking to him it seems like he did not mean it..difficult to know what happened exactly.
What's troubled me more is that the teacher has reported few times that he is very distracted during lesson and cant not stay still, obviouslyy this has an effect on his work as he is loosing easily his concentration. As a result I fear that he will be seen as a "bad boy" mainly when the teacher speaks to me in front of other parents....This makes me feel crap in front of them...my son is a very clever boy but unfortunetly not showing that much at school because he still can not get that school is to learn not to play. As a mum I am working hard to get my "hyper" son on the right direction, I will not accept or teach him to hurt his friends ....but I think that he has not be judged fairly as the teacher constantly picks up his bad behaviour (please don't get me wrong... when she speaks to me it s always to report a wrong thing even if my son has been in green during the day)...I do not want to blame anyone but i am looking for any type of advice to support my son ....parenting-activity he can do to control or monitor his excess of energy.etc..
Thanks for your help

If the teacher has something to say to you about your son's poor behaviour, low standard of work, concentration etc, it should never be in front of someone else.
Next time she wants a word, tell her you feel you should have some privacy, and that it's inappropriate to chat about serious issues in a public area.
That said, your son seems to need a lot more help and support to manage his behaviour. You need to work together and create some clear boundaries. If he gets over-excited or aggressive easily, then someone needs to be watching him, ready to be pre-emptive and warn him before the situation escalates, or stop him before harm is done.
Rules need to be simple, clear and consistent, at home and school.
You say he is 6, is he Y1 or Y2?
Does his behaviour cause you concern at home?

He is in year...At home he is ok as I am in control and there are boundaries....

I think you need to give a little more detail at home as you've ..... and I'm not sure what they means. Are there strategies you use succesfully at home that you could suggest the teacher uses?

thx for your post.He is in year2 ....At home things work under my control and he is ok...

rainbowinthesky)To answer to you : for example he is having a behaviour chart in his room where he is collecting stickers during the week for good behaviour at school .if all he has been in green he will gain a star to have a treat.
If he is on amber or red a day, a sanction is applied. It can be for exemple removing toy from his room etc..depends on how serious was his behaviour....before applying the sanction we discuss about it.
Every morning before going to school we remind him the rules about school.."Listen to the teacher,No hurting the others, Respect the others etcc.."
Like I mentionned previously he is behaving fairly well at home..and is very protective with his little sister. I have close eye on him....

If he cna behave well on a one to one basis then it sounds as if the classroom environment is triggering it. It is n't right that she repeatedly discusses him in front of others, so next time ask her to make an appointment or if it can wait until others have left. Have you sat down with the teacher and looked for any patterns of behaviour and reasons.

Is he on an IEP to help him focus his energies and behaviour towards achieving specifc things ie the use fo the chart. Think about afactors which may affect his beahviour - is he sensitive to noise, likes to keep his own space, reacts to certain food/drinks ? Is he aware of others' boundaries and relates well to them socially ? Or is he playing up because it diverts attention to him and makes him popular.

A sticker chart at home should not relate to behaviour at school. It would be more appropriate to set up a chart at school with the teacher, with specific school behaviour targets. If he can get stickers, then he can earn treats at school. One of my class are collecting marbles when he has a good playtime at the moment, and will get a treat when he reaches a particular level.

Charts at home should relate to behaviour outside school.

In the meantime, give him opportunities for social interaction outside school - clubs, children to tea, etc, where he is engaged in social situations without you.

Thanks for all our post...I really appriacte it...I will take all your constructive advice on board....