way past the end of my wits end

[lulu2]

my dd is 7 and won't go into school happily in the morning.
She holds on to me and usually we have tears, but never until we get into school.
she is doing well at school, we moved her this year.It has got a bit better as she doesn't have to be prised off me every morning anymore like she did at the old school.
We have chatted to her about this til we are blue in the face and she doesn't have a reason. i have spoken to her teachers and she is fine 10 seconds after I have gone.
We have now started to take her playtime before bed away every day she doesn't go in to school well. I am not sure this is the right thing to do but am at a loss as to what else to do.
I feel it's all my fault as dd is an only child, i leave her virtually every morning in tears and i just want to cry.
I so want her to separate from me happily.
Can you help please?

Hmm not too keen on taking playtime away really, it may make her more anxious. What about turning it on its head and instead rewarding her for each day she does go into school nicely?

What FS says, and a biggish reward for the first full week she manages? If she's OK as soon as you've gone, just grit your teeth and run.

She obviously finds the transiton from mummy to school difficult.

Perhaps it would be good to speak positively of school on the way there, I do this with DH when she is in an "I don't want to go" mode. I say "what happens today...oooh it's music" and similar (she loves music) or ask about her friends and what they are likely to be doing. This way she may get into "school" mode before you start to leave her. I used to gnash my teeth that DD would stand clutching me and not join her friends, even when they came up to her in the morning. Then she made special friends with someone and now they meet up and happily chat most days and she doesn't cling.

I think being positive rather than sanctions is better otehrwise she will get an idea that school going is a time of dread.

I also used to tell DD about when I was at school and what we got up to, this just made the going to school thing a bit more fun and something to look forward to rather than a forced separation.

thanks all.
At her previous school we did the whole reward chart thing whereby if she went in well and got a star each day she got a reward, could be something she had chosen like going to the park after school. It would work for a week or 2 then she would go back to clinging and refusing to go into school. We continued on and off for reception and year 1 with no joy.

She chats about school on the drive there and i do big up what's happening that day.
She is currently learning her lines for the christmas play which she is very excited about and she is singing a song on her own in it, which she volunteered for.

I have the same problem with my Ds(6 almost 7).

Some days he goes in Ok, other days, like today are a big problem.

There are no patterns to the days he gets upset.

Some days he'll start off from home upset, but I can get him interested in some conversation and he cheers up, other days like today it doesn't work.

Today he started complaining his leg hurt, I sympathised, although he had been Ok running up the back down the stairs to get a toy car to get to school. Every footstep was marked with an Ow, after I ignored it for a while it gets louder and louder.

By the time we were halfway to school he's crying and in a right state.

I have tried everything , from bribery to pasta jars to taking items away if he gets upset, all to no avail.

I've spoken to his teacher, she says he's settling into Year 2 fine, and that he's managing the work Ok.

I'm a Mid-day supervisor at the school 2 days a week, so I know he's not having problems with anyone at school, and he has a good circle of friends. He's off playing with his friends when I'm there and only comes over to say hello and goodbye at the beginning and end of lunch.

Even threatening to see the Head Teacher isn't managing to stop him getting upset - it has worked before.

He's a lovely sensitive little boy whom I love to bits, but I'm worried that if this carries on then he's going to start getting teased for it.

It's not a new thing he's got upset about going to school since Nursery, but after a couple of weeks he's usually settled down.

You have my sympathies lulu2 it's upsetting for them and for us, but it's starting to get embarrassing too, for me at least, it doesn't seem to bother him.

I have this sometimes with my Y2 DS. It was almost every day last year, so he has improved!! He is fine when he goes with Daddy though, so I don't think it is the going to school per se that is the problem.
I adopt a swift goodbye and run off policy to avoid the worst of it.

moonmother thanks, it helps to know we are not alone.
I too feel that it is starting to get embarrassing as dd is the only one. I am worried she will get labelled as the girl who makes a fuss coming into school.
The other morning 2 girls in her class came over and said hello and dd just ignored them, gripped onto my hand and tried to whisper something to me. I just took her to the teacher and handed her over.
I sometimes think dd waits to see which teacher is on duty that morning and then plays up more if it's someone unknown.

Maybe i am thinkinh about it too much.

can someone else take her for a few days?

would help you to work out if it is 'leaving you' or 'going into school' that she finds difficult.

thanks muddleduck but there is no-one else who can take her. There is a school bus but i think that she is a bit young for that, plus i don't think the bus driver would help me get her on the bus if she refuses to let go of me!

I've also tried the someone else take them to school thing (not on purpose I had to wait in for a delivery)

My Mum took him in one day last week, cue the screaming abdabs before he left the house.

Managed to calm him down before they left, but Mum says he was very quiet going in.

So that doesn't work here either.

At Ds's school the doors open at 8.45 and they go in by themselves, there is a teacher by the door.

I've found that getting there just as the doors open is a good thing, if we get there early and have to wait around it seems to upset him more.

One thing that helped for a while in Reception ( the worst of it by far)Lulu was that instead of going in to school as normal , he went in 10 mins earlier to 'help' the teacher get the classroom ready beforehand.

May be worth asking if you could try that lulu it may work, little girls esp like to feel helpful and important.

thanks moonmother.

I think i will talk to her teacher again and see if she has any ideas.

Is there a breakfast club?
Dropping there rather than classroom for a short period of time may break the cycle. She's not leaving you for the classroom, but a more relaxed environment instead.

Like you said you can then see if it's leaving you or entering the classroom that's the issue.

I had a similar episode with DS2 recently but found that bribary worked a treat. His choice of prize was a rugby gumshield. He doesn't play rugby! Get that.

I have a ds nearly 6 who was hugging and kissing me in the classroom and school corridor the other day at drop off. About 3 times i turned to go and he ran after me for another cuddle. Then he whispered is my ear, "i like to do this because i see some of the other children crying when their mums leave and this makes sure that i don't" !!? I know he's younger than your dd but wondered if it was possible to make the transition a bit warm and cuddly in the mornings - would that help?

we have to leave dd in the dining hall where she can have breakfast if they want to and there is a member of staff on duty. when the bell goes they then line up to goto their classes. so it is relaxed and there are books and games available.
At her old school we used to have to wait in the playground then she had to line up and she was fine until the bell went for lining up, then she would start getting upset and not letting go of me.
I really feel like i am failing her and i am desperate for a magic answer.

lulu2, positive story here, but DS was like your DD a lot last year. He's in yr2 now and goes in absolutely fine. It's as though he suddenly decided it was okay or matured a bit or something - I'm really not sure what it was, but it's brilliant not to have tears and stress every morning. In other words, maybe it'll resolve in time.

When he was having problems, I took him with me to talk to his teacher and the three of us came up with a plan. Basically it was me always handing him over to the teacher, then leaving straight away. Though he still found it hard, it did stop the tears. Maybe the school would agree to that??