Parental discipline - omg and wwyd?

[MollieO]

I started another thread recently where I asked for advice having been told by ds's school that ds's problems at school and with doing homework were down to my lack of discipline and because I was a single parent.

This week the SENCO replied to my email wherein I asked her for strategies to get ds to do his homework (well at least to sit down at the table and have a go). She replied that her parenting style was such that her children 'feared' her and that she gave them 'the occasional slap'.

She hasn't told me to slap ds but her email certainly seems to advocate that type of discipline.

Am I right to be or am I overreacting?

If I am right to be shocked wwyd?

Omg! That's unbelievable. If you weren't a very established poster, MollieO, I really wouldn't believe you.

And do you actually pay for this treatment?

Eeek! I am def

You are not over reacting!

What woukd you do? Hmmm...not sure. Will think. Am still shocked tbh.

this is someone who works with SEN children?

i really cannot believe she told you that in a professional capacity. fair enough if you and she were freinds and it wa off the record but you asked her for professional advice.

I think she is very old school. I would never hit ds as a method of discipline, even if nothing else works (which it currently doesn't when it comes to school work).

Part of me thinks I should just make sure ds doesn't have his lessons with her (which I already asked for prior to that email - the other SENCO is lovely and describes ds as a ray of sunshine). Part of me thinks I should escalate this to the head.

what worries me is not that she does thsi with her own children but that she is advocating it to people, like you, who are really struggling with discipline and may, unlike you, see it as their only option and do so based on what she is saying. i think i would escalate it. she shouldn't be telling parents this.

I think her children are well into adulthood fortunately!

I am pretty shocked that she put it in an email. I have a meeting next week with ds's form teacher so I plan to take a copy of the email with me. Thought of emailing her but I'd like to see her reaction when she reads it.

You should escalate this to the Head. Yes, she wasn't saying you should smack your DS, but had you been some clueless or desperate mother you might have read it like that. Really unprofessional.

Not good at all! Fear and violence is not the answer to encouraging kids to study.

Please let someone know! You don't want DD to be taught like this, it could make things worse. And this woman is a Senco??

How old was DD again? DS (5.5) is sometimes keen, other times will not read or do spellings, then preassure just makes it worse. Trying to get him into a routine, but we are not quite there yet as DD (2) will want to join in and will not be ignored.

Ds is 6.4. She is the senior SENCO. Fortunately she has agreed that she will no longer teach him. I had planned on speaking to his form teacher to request this but I now won't have to. Ds was assessed as having memory problems at the beginning of the year so I'm not sure how much of his behaviour is because he can be stubborn and how much is down to his memory issues.

His form teacher is also the deputy head so if I'm not happy with her response my next meeting will be with the head.

And they think you have problems with your parenting style!

I think she probably also has issues with me being an unmarried single mother!!

Just to update this - had a meeting with form teacher this week. She apologised for the email before I'd even mentioned it. That SENCO withdrew herself from teaching ds (I was going to ask for this). Ds is very happy to have the other SENCO.

The slapping SENCO has written a referral report for our GP which unfortunately isn't true - ds is not behind in school work, ds behaves well at school etc etc.

At least she will have nothing to do with ds going forward. The form teacher seems to understand that what you see is very far from what you get where ds is concerned. Hopefully realising that will make ds's school life easier.