Would it be madness to allow Yr5 dd to change schools purely because of friendship problems?

[emkana]

Basically the girl who has been her best friend since Yr 2 has dropped her, no other firm friendships are emerging for dd, she feels lost and out of place and was very upset yesterday, saying she doesn't understand why she isn't liked.

I don't understand it either, the only thing I can think of is that she is maybe a bit more serious and earnest than the others, and she has the reputation of being "the brightest girl in the class", which doesn't seem to help with popularity.

She has now said she would like to go to a different primary school, where some girls go whom she knows from Brownies. I'm not sure whether to go along with this idea, or whether to encourage her to stick it out?

Emkana
I'm going through an identical scenario with my dd who is in Y5. Her best friend left and my dd has not been able to form new friendships and is feeling very lonely. Like your dd, my dd is somewhat different from the others in her class, so finds it difficult to find friends who share the same interests.

I have given her the option of moving schools, simply because I wanted let her know that we could consider this as a possible solution. However what we also did in this discussion was to look at the positive aspects of her current school and for the moment, she feels that they outweigh the problems. What is interesting is that the best friend who left (after moving) is experiencing similar problems. I do feel
that Y5 may be too late to move - though I really wouldn't want this to carry on until the end of Y6, as it is heartbreaking to think of a child feeling lonely.

I've discussed the problem with her teacher who was very sympathetic and we came up with a couple of ideas - eg finding her a playground buddy etc.

When I talked to my dd about this, she felt that this wasn't an option, as she was worried that she wouldn't have anything in common with them. What she did feel would be a good idea was if the girls in her class could be brought together and there was a discussion about how she felt when they walk away from her in the playground or are unpleasant. Apparently something similar had taken place last year, when another girl had friendship problems. I'm going to see her teacher next week and will suggest this. Would this be an option for your dd?

I moved my DD at the end of Y4 because of friendship issues-but more persistent excluding and nastiness.It was the best thing ever.She is like a different child.I really don't get all this 'facing up to things' crap.If the problem was with your DD fine, but it isn't is it? Being serious and clever are not personality failings.She obviously can make friends because she does at Brownies.

Dd is still unhappy, still lonely, and so we are looking at the options again...in a way I wish somebody would just make the decision for us!

Sorry to hear she's still unhappy. I think it would make sense to make an appointment with her teacher and to see if there's anything s/he would be able to put in place to encourage friendships. Meanwhile do visit the other school you're interested in (and perhaps another, just in case) and have some fairly honest chats with the Heads about the reasons behind moving your DD.

If she is 'top of the class' I'm sure the Heads will be delighted to have her on roll but the novelty factor of being the new girl may soon wear off for the children in the class and there is a risk that she will find herself without a BFF once again.

Some children are happy to be part of a group of best friends, others thrive only when they have a dedicated 'other half'. Either way they need to make an effort with friendships; inviting for tea those whom may not be the best 'fit' on first sight but may be once a friendship forms, branching out and setting out to play with different people at lunch/volunteer to be a peer playground mediator or something that involves looking out for younger children.

Whilst you are considering your options I'd encourage her to have other children home for tea, and maybe even her old BFF. Perhaps she could invite some of the Brownie friends and get to know them a bit better too. Ultimately, if she's desperately unhappy it may be worth moving her but with the knowledge that it won't necessarily be the answer. Another thing to consider is what you'll do with DD2 in terms of school.... if DD1 can walk alone to the new school but DD2 needs you to take/collect her from the current one there won't be lots of opportunities for you to strike up friendships in the school playground either..........