Need advice on dd's behaviour

[stargazer83]

DD is 5 1/2 and in year 1, she's and only child and I'm a single parent. No idea if these facts are needed but better to give and not need then need and not give lol.

Since starting back at school in september dd's behavior towards school has changed she's gone from wanting to live at the school to complaining every morning she feels sick and doesn't want to go to school, she's even pretended to be ill to get sent home.

Her role plays changed from being very positive and full of praise to very negative and sharp ie from never mind you tried hard you'll get it next time to no thats wrong (in a harsh strict voice)

We also have had tears every night over a reward chart system they now have in place. They start every day on yellow and if they are good they go up the chart to the gold star if they missbehave they go down to red. In 8 weeks dd had been on the red on all but one occasion.

At the end of last half term I had a target day with dd's teacher and she explained dd is normally on the red for 3 reasons. 1) she's very hyper (true) 2) she's a bossy boots and gets the other children in trouble when they follow her directions instead of the teachers (also true) 3) She needs to use her indoor voice as when she's excited she gets very loud which makes others loud ect ect (also true).

Am I being pressious over this? I have no experiance with the school system but it seems dd is constantly getting negatives and is not being given much if any possitive attention and if her good behaviours being ignored what insentive does she have to try harder? I guess I'm just tired of my daugter constantly being in tears and refering to herself as a 'bad' or 'naughty' girl all the time. I want my happy little girl back

This is dreadful - you are not being precious.

The problem is not that she is on red - the problem is that she says she feels sick, and her awful role plays gives you a very big clue about what's going on.

I really think you shouldn't put up with this. But the answers aren't easy.

TBH I'd be looking at other local schools, because I think it's unlikely that the teacher will change, and I think this is an incredibly awful way to teach a 5 year old.

But that's just me.....

Otherwise you need to talk to the teacher. Tell her you're concerned that your DD is pretending to be sick etc, and ask her for her advice.

I agree with IndigoBell - this is a very harsh and not at all constructive way to manage the behaviour of a very young child. It sounds like most of her 'issues' are about channelling her drive and enthusiasm in appropriate directions - constantly reminding her that she is 'naughty' is going to be unhelpful. If the teacher/head won't listen then I think you do need to look at changing schools because there are positive ways of managing your DD's behaviour - which sounds pretty normal for a feisty girl of 5 1/2.

It may just be that this isnt the right school- or maybe even just not the right class- for your DD if she is finding it that hard and they cant find a better way to motivate her.

Did she not go to reception?

I think you need to see her teacher again- maybe with an advocate if you are likely to get too emotional (I know I do as I always feel it is DS being an only child and me a single mum that is partly to blame for EVERYTHING, and there for me partly or solely to blame) or even the head if you get no where. Yes some kids are bossy, but they should be able to handle a loud bossy child without crushing their spirit, poor thing

Hello Stargazer, my DD is going through almost exactly the same thing. I thought positive praise and encouragement was the done thing now - apparently not. I think I've probably chosen the wrong school for her but there are no options to change here. Did she have any problems at pre-school?

Thanks for the replys sorry its taken so long to aswer your questions.
DD went to both the pre school and the reception and had no issues. She absolutly loved school and in fact when her reception teacher moved to Hong Kong DD wanted to go with her!lol.
I'm trying to be realistic as I know my DD can be hard work and may be struggling with the change from play based learning to a more work orientated day but I also dont want to see her upset every day. I also have to be carefull as I'm vice chair of the PTA and do a lot of volunteer work in the school so whilst DD is my priority I'd rather avoid any form of conflict esspecialy as the teacher is going on maternity leave at the end of this term. I have decided to see how DD gets on for the rest of this week and make an appointment next week with the teacher if there has been no improvement.

Sounds awful to me too and if my DD was faking illness so she didn't have to go to school I would be pulling her out and HEing her. It has nowt to do with you being a single mother, or her being an only and everything to do with how she is being taught now.

Poor you, vile situation for you both. If HE isn't an option, perhaps looking for another school might be?

stargazer by the end of term do you mean at Christmas?

If so, maybe worth waiting to see how the covering teacher is and if DD responds any better to her also before moving, but I do think telling the teacher DD is demotivated and asking how you can work together to resolve that is so worthwhile.

Good luck!!

Stargazer, my DS is in same year - 1. There is less play and more emphasis on work in this year, although it should be gradually phased in. Your DD might have issues with this. i'm thinking perhaps talking loudly over the teacher when she is trying to talk to the class etc.
Systems like traffic lights or stars or colours only work if it is an achievable target. I would be tempted to say to the teacher that you appreciate the points that were raised and that the teacher needs to maintain the discipline in the class. Unfortunately the system is currently having a very negative effect on her behaviour and is de-motivating your daughter as she can't see herself getting gold. Perhaps you could suggest that if she keeps her voice quiet during ..... that she will be moved up x places. Giving her shorter and achievable targets where she can see herself going up the chart. The 'punishment' for not achieving the smaller target is staying on the same colour, not moving up. Sometimes letting them know you are disappointed that they haven't gone up to colour x is good motivation to do better.
My other nagging doubt - and i have seen this with other teachers with my other DSs - is that often when they know they are leaving they take their foot off the pedal. She might be getting to a tired stage where she is more prone to notice disruption rather than all the times she is doing nothing wrong and not standing out.
Apologies to any teachers who kept their foot on the gas, i'm only speaking from my own past experiences.