Helping DD negotiate friendships

[giddly]

DD is nearly 5 and has just started reception. On the whole things are going well, but when we saw the teacher the other evening she mentioned DD is quite solitary, and seems to find it hard to join in with what other children are playing. We noticed this a bit at pre-school, but on a one to one she plays really well with pretty much any other child she comes across. Because she also comes across as quite loud and confident I think the issue has been masked in the past. It's not a huge problem and other children seem to like her well enough, but I would like to help her negotiate friendships a bit better in a group as I think it's upsetting her as all the other children are pairing up or in small groups, and she's not. I've starting inviting some of the others round for tea to try and cement friendships a bit, but does anyone else have any ideas of how i can help her.

Oh giddly bless you - If you havent already seen some of my posts - Im going through exactly the same.. Inviting round for tea is a fab idea - Im doing a little tea next week (Halloween themed)... Its so sad to see but from hearing from all the others - it does take its time - My DD is also very confident and came from an exceptional private nursery then onto State School and is finding hard to mix when the children already have their little groups from pre school.

Im sure we will be back online here soon complaining that they are friends with everyone :)

I have three children who were all like this in reception. I wold suggest lots of after school activities with children from their classes. Ask the other mothers which dance/swimming/music/rainbows groups they are in. In addition as mini said invite children home. I would also invite children home in groups to build up their coping skills in group situations. If there is a show/playday on locally ask other mothers if they would like to take all the kids together etc. All the best to you both it does get better

Oh and make a special effort over the summer holidays, a reunion picnic before retuning to school really helps.

Thanks for the extra tips Skippy

Sorry not to have got back earlier (manic day) but thanks so much for your tips. Will certainly gear up the inviting children home, and certainly look into after school activities, but at the moment she's so tired I'm not sure she'd cope with too much more! Also like the idea of inviting home in groups (ahh!) and will try that when I'm feeling brave!
Thanks again

I also think that there is a role for the teacher/lunch time supervisors here.
At dd's new school, dd told me after the first day that she had nobody to play with as the other children already knew each other -the teacher overheard this and said: yes, that is true what you say, but then I asked X to play with you and you had a lot of fun together. So dd then remembered this and said it was fun to play with X. Now it is not an issue at all and she plays with lots of different boys and girls and has become quite close friends with one girl.

I think a key factor in helping dd make friends was played by the staff, they seem to keep a close eye on all the kids and if one child is on its own they team it with another child.

The teacher told me on that first day not to worry about it as the first half term their primary focus is for the kids to settle and make friends with each other and build trust with the staff.

So, I think that it is great what you are doing, but on top that there is a role for the school as well, never mind if your dd wants to be solitary or not, at my dd's school the staff insists on playing together during play time and school activities. So I would ask teacher/lunch time supervisors for help.

dikketjedap - thanks for that. I think her teacher is being fairly pro-active, but will certainly keep in touch with her about it

Good luck, if possible I would also try to speak to lunch time supervisors. At dd's school they play an important role as well ...