What's happening to my sweet little boy :o(

[emy72]

DS1 is such a sweet natured little boy. He's been in so many settings since he was 6 months; 2 different nurseries, 2 different pre-schools and really everyone has always commented on how sweet natured, lovable and well behaved he is.

Well he started Reception and I know he's had some problems as there are a few really rough/hyperactive boys in his class and one had taken a liking to kicking him.

I went to the teacher and she said my son was such a lovely well behaved little boy and it all got sorted out.

In the last 3 weeks though his behaviour at home has deteriorated in a way that I can honestly say I don't recognise my son anymore. I can't say this is normal as my DD1 went though reception and was largely the same individual.

He has become stubborn, doesn't listen, doesn't sit still, keeps making grunting noises, crawls around on the floor, hits, bites and shouts at his siblings, he's just become a complete monster.

He's regressed in every possible way I can think of.

Anyone knows what could have happened to him and how can I deal with him; it can't be "starting school" as he's only part-time still, they haven't even started phonics or anything academic yet and to him it's just another nursery really (he was in pre-school all of last year and had no problems whatsoever).

Would you go and talk to the teacher?

Yes definitely! Just explain what has happened and ask if she's noticed anything at school that might be the cause. You aren't saying it is definitely something at school, just that you are puzzled and worried and what does she think.Is he maybe copying one of the rougher boys at school?
It may still be partly starting school tiredness though,even if he is only doing mornings imo

PS - have you asked him why he is so angry and bad tempered? He may not know or be able to articulate it, but its worth a try!

Thanks sarafreck - I think he is copying one of the rough boys, but I might be wrong.

I was a bit early the other day, and observing one of these boys in the playground and thinking what a nightmare he was, he was so disruptive and did not stop a minute (kicking the door repeatedly, attacking a couple of other boys, even hung onto my pushchair and had to tell him to stop 3 times).

The more I think about this the more I think this is what he's doing.

How can I stop it? :o(((

My DS2 also going part time and he has undergone a similar transformation - moments of old sweetness very few and far between these last six weeks. Think its just finding his feet in a big playground - a new found cockiness in a way - remember from DS1 it seems to even out... fingers crossed!

Could also be the adult attention change from preschool to reception - from 1:8 is it, to 1:15 if they've got a full time TA and teacher. That can have a big impact on children who feel they're not listened to as readily/helped as quickly etc.

Hope you find out what the problem is and that all settles down soon.

Yes I have tried to ask him but he doesn't make any sense at all.

He's also mentioned that teacher has told him off a few times so I think I need to go in and have a chat.

Thanks for the suggestions! I hope it settles down as I am finding it unbearable to say the least!!!!

Ask your son why he is copying (rough boy name) when he comes home?
Check it isn't because rough boy is doing those same things to him when he is at school?

Talk to him about how you can let out energy in ways that don't hurt others - like running in garden, going on trampoline (if you have one) if he is feeling fidgety and doesn't want to sit still?
Say it is OK to crawl on the floor and make grunting noises if you are playing at being a dog/bear or whatever but not if you hurt someone, so he gets the idea about what is play and what is bad behaviour. Could you play dogs/bears with him for 10 mins after school to let him get whatever it is out of his system in a more controlled way?
Bear in mind that if he is being asked to sit still more at school (even in a very limited way) this may mean he needs to let off steam more afterwards.

I don't know what you should do to stop it really - just posted whatever ideas came into my head but if you think something might help then try it!

Go and chat with the teacher, who has no doubt seen a lot of it in her time, but I would also say that my gorgeous, lovely natured, happy boy was a total monster when he started in Reception. Unrecognizable. He was so so tired, plus there are so many more dynamics involved in new friendships and a more regimented environment and he let it ALL out at home!

They do come out of it, gradually, though I still get it from time to time. I realized he was just becoming more of a boy, more male, than I'd really appreciated when he was a toddler.

I think that they also get a testosterone hormone/ growth spurt at about 5 and this can also lead to more aggression, so everything combined can be quite a heady mix.

Lots of love, even if it's aggressively rejected a lot of the time, plus firm boundaries when he's rude or particularly out of order, I'm sure will get him back to normal by about Christmas time or so. They are still so young and a lot is going on for them right now.

We had a real problem with DS copying another boy when he was in preschool. We fussed a lot about the other boy for awhile and then realised that this was the point to begin talking to DS about standing up for himself, and being his own person.

DS hasn't become an angel, and neither has the other boy, but we're all good friends now, and DS did learn to stand up to him, eg. continuing to play with the friends he chose when other boy tried to stop him (now all three are friends BTW)

My point is that this is a learning point for your DS - how you get him there is down to your parenting style, but its nice to learn it early rather than waiting till teens

Thanks all, some of your suggestions are really useful/helpful, I will try them out!

DH went to talk to the teacher this morning and she said he is a perfectly behaved little boy, he sits and listens, he puts his hands up when appropriate and they are delighted with him! She's seen absolutely no evidence of the appalling behaviour at home....well that's a relief!

I am starting to think it's a mix of tiredness/hormones/observing other children/pushing the boundaries and that with a bit of guidance it will probably pass...you never stop learning do you? I thought we'd done all the reception starting thing with DD1 but there we are!

:o

i had similar situation with my DS. Agree with comments above - it is copying other more aggressive more 'cool' boys, becoming aware of being a boy, etc. It did pass and he is back to what he was. We did have to be firm with him around behaviour at home - so agree with all comments around boundaries. Boys more thatn girls really need to knwo the rules and parents should not budge from these. Glad all well in classroom.

I'm sure I read/heard somewhere that there's a surge of testosterone kicks in slightly about that age. No idea where I heard it though, it's just one of those vague "facts" I've got floating around between my ears.

Yes I have a book bout teaching boys that confirms age 4 to 5 as a time of testosterone surge. Happens again at about age 12. Book recommends lots of physical activity and not necessarily expecting them to sit still for long periods!
I think the book is good. Here if you are interested [http://www.guardianbookshop.co.uk/BerteShopWeb/viewProduct.do?ISBN=9781855034327]

thanks!!!

Watching this emmy as it's resondating with me as well. My has gone from being very cute and fun and popular to having no friends at reception and pretty much just being passive and 'standing there'. Being very difficult at home.

I'm heartbroken.

Great school though and luckily we had our first parent evening recently. The teacher asked me if I had any questions so I just asked her how he was getting on she though 'fine' - so then I stated how he had changed beyond recognition at home and I gave a few examples and then she seemed to click on how he was behaving there - not badly but it resonated with what I was saying and then she identified that he had issues even though he was 'quiet and well behaved' - so hopefully they will work it thtrough. She gave me a few things she's noted at school and quite honestly I wanted to cry when I heard.

But for teachers all info is good info and now she can work with it. Her perception was that he was quiet and kept himself to himself and was uber good really meant he had no sense of ownership of his space and was quiet because he was very uncomfortable.

We are hoping for progress soon. Hope you get it too.

Teachers don't know 100% until you give them another perspective. Hope it works out for you.