DS in Y2 suppressing his feelings in school - is it normal?

[ksld]

DS (Y2) came home from school yesterday absolutely furious. He couldn't/wouldn't tell me what had happened to make him so cross. He hit me (very unusual for him) and then cried with frustration and anger. It took over an hour to get him calmed down and back to normal.

He was definitely hungry as had not eaten any lunch (but then he never eats lunch so that was no different from normal). He is also tired as has been a long half-term. But something must have happened to get him this upset surely?

So I asked the teacher this morning what had gone on. She replied she didn't know, and went on to say DS never speaks to her, won't come and tell her anything. She said he is just flat at school - no excitement, sadness or any emotion. But then he will suddenly blow and lash out at others in anger. Thinking it over I am just so sad that poor DS at age 6 is having to suppress all his emotions for whatever reason, and surprised that the teacher didn't feel the need to mention how he was in class.

Any ideas on how I can get him to open up at least to me? How I can make him happier at school?

I was about to answer that ds is the same until your post said about the teacher saying he was flat and his outbursts.
I thnk it's quite normal for some kids not to go the teacher about how they feel , some are just too shy .

My ds took a whil to get used to school this yr (new school) and he appeared flat , he also found it v hard to tell us at home what was wrong. I think he didn't exactly know what was wrong so just kept saying 'nothing'.

It took his sister finding him in tears to get him to talk about it and then all he could say was he'found it hard"

Things improved though after I spoke to his teacher, she moved him in class as he was having issues with talkative friend.
His teacher thought he was a very quiet boy unitl I told her differently and now she realises how he's changed. Maybe your ds' teacher didn't realise there is a problem .

Does he have friends etc in class ,is he coping with the work , can he see the board?

sorry for ramble

Poor little thing.
Would you say he is an overly sensitive boy?

ggirl - DS seems to have friends in class as far as I can tell. He never says much what is happening so I have to piece little nuggets of information together.

I guess he is coping with the work - we read at home and he can read the books he is sent home with without any help. He has some spellings each week which he seems to learn OK.

No idea if he can see the board, never thought to ask!

He is certainly shy and I am not surprised he won't talk to the teacher - I am a shy adult and I find her hard to approach. I am surprised that she would describe him as flat and not feel that is a problem that could have been mentioned to me.

ChinHair - he is sensitive, but not overly I don't think. He takes teasing and unkind comments from his friends better than I do/did. He doesn't cry or make a fuss about things generally.

so he wasn't like this in yr1?

Not as far as anyone told me - not like this in YR or Y1. The Y1 Summer term teacher (he had a different teacher each term in Y1 due to staff sickness) said he was pleasant and always had a friendly smile.

ksld, not crying and making a fuss does not mean a child is taking stressful situations well. Sensitive children will usually bottle things up and internalise them for months. You need to get to the bottom of this and to do that you need to fine-tune yourself with his emotions.

OK bottling things up and internalising them does sound right - it fits with the suddenly blowing and lashing out in the classroom too. I thought he was doing OK at school though, and he is usually fairly happy at home - hence the worry about yesterday.

Please tell me how to get to the bottom of it? (Seriously, not being flippant). He doesn't seem able to tell me about school and doesn't respond well to questions. Like I say I thought things were OK and that I knew how he was feeling, and am now finding that was wrong...

Have to disappear now on school run, but will check back later. Thanks.

My DS is very sensitive and had the misfortune of being rejected by his best (and only) friend at age 4 whilst in reception. I was worried at first at how he would cope and then found myself feeling extremely proud at his maturity because he didn't make a fuss or cry. He seemed to accept the situation so I never tackled the issue with him. A few months later and on his very fist day of school (Year 1) he burst out crying inconsolably; when I finally managed to make him talk, he asked me 'why doesn't 'child x ' talk to me anymore?' It broke my heart.

Ever since I've been on a 'journey' to try to understand his reactions so that I can support him better.

I eventually came across this book which explained so many things about my ds, some of them going back years: www.amazon.co.uk/Highly-Sensitive-Child-children-overwhelms/dp/0007163932/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1287499502&sr=8-1

I know you don't have the book and want some strategies now, and if you google 'sensitive child' you'll find lots of articles such as this one: life.familyeducation.com/behavioral-problems/shyness/40424.html

Finally, we found that being very honest ourselves with our emotions helped ds communicate with us. For example if he didn't volunteer for a part at a school play I'd say, 'I used to find it really difficult to do that kind of thing when I was your age- in fact, I still do'. We would then talk about strategies to cope, role-play, but all briefly and in a very jovial tone. That worked wonders because he now does come to me with issues.

It makes me feel a little sad that your ds's teacher said he is 'flat' at school and she never approached you about it. Something isn't quite right.

HTH