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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

DS 5 can't make friends

6 replies

mamatilly · 18/10/2010 14:50

DS just started Reception, insists on playing, sorry trying to play, with two girls who don't want him around (one of them liked him on day one i think), is rude to all the nice children in his class, he is basically a rude little s**t to other children, too bossy, and he doesn't have any friends,

What have I done? Shall I just leave him to find his own way through it all?How can I help him change? I have told him to stay away from people who are mean to him/dont want him around, he simply says "I will play with who I like,......." He acts like a teenager more than a little boy.

On the positive side, at home he is (mostly)lovely, he is very bright, great with numbers, can write and read bits and peices, amazing with lego kits, and sweet to his baby brother,

but social skills with other children are making him very unpopular and its awful to watch,

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Sobha · 18/10/2010 15:49

could you ivite a firend over for a playdate - sometimes a 121 situation can help for children to relate - is there anybody else that he has mentioned that he would like to play. you can also then see how he is with other children

smee · 18/10/2010 16:22

Can't you chat to the teacher and see what he/ she makes of it? After all you're not there all day, so things might not be as dire as you think. It's really, really common for children to find it hard in reception, so I'd bet he'll settle anyway in time. But if he's really struggling the teacher should have strategies to help.

gabid · 18/10/2010 20:48

Can relate to this in a way - in reception DS (now in Y1)insisted on playing with chosen children and would not leave them alone. The result was that some children didn't want to play with him or just run away - very difficult to watch. Talking to him was pointless, he did what he wanted.

Now in Y1 he has now found a friend who and doesnt seem to mind him being so intense, most children seem very nice with him but he often ignores them - he is very focused on that one best friend.

At home DS is very sociable and plays well with children on a 1:1 basis.

Not quite sure what's going on in school, teachers are very happy?? Insecurity in a big group? But I can see things improving slowly

carefulwiththataxe · 18/10/2010 22:36

Speak to the teacher. Could be Aspergers - sorry.

smee · 19/10/2010 10:24

Not dismissing what careful's just said, but what Gabid said makes sense to me. There are two boys in DS's year who sound very similar to your son. Both are now far calmer and have friends. With them it's just been about maturity and I think being overwhelmed by school/ how it all works. They're in Yr2 now and seem really happy.

Notquitegrownup · 19/10/2010 10:29

My ds1 was very similar. He struggled at school but was far worse at home if I invited someone round for a playdate as he was sooooo excited and even bossier.

I enrolled him in twice weekly karate classes, which worked well to keep in contact with other children in a more structured environment, whilst he matured. He is much better now, still much more intense than other children, but working out strategies for dealing with it.

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