My son is being bullied

[domesticsluttery]

DS1 (who is in year 3) is being bullied. It has been going on for a few weeks apparently, the boy in question keeps pushing him over, tripping him up, kicking him on the floor, swearing at him etc. The boy is in Year 6.

DS1 says that the school are dealing with it, the boy has been given a row and kept in at break etc, but it doesn't seem to be stopping him.

It all came out tonight as DS1, who normally loves school, was in floods of tears this morning not wanting to go.

I am absoloutely devestated. I thought there was something bothering him, but didn't imagine it would be anything this serious. DS1 is a confident, if quiet, boy with lots of friends and interests. He thinks that the older boy might be jealous because he has been picked to play in the football team and has been scoring goals and getting praise.

I've said that I will go in and speak to his teacher on Monday morning. Does anyone have any experience of this and could advise me on how to deal with it?

Go in gently but concerned. Explain about DC being in floods of tears. Say that you know school have started to tackle it and you really appreciate what they have done so far but that it is still going on. Ask what they think is the best next step both for them to do in school and for you helping your DC at home.
Keep a notebook where you record things that happen ( ask DC to tell you each day - don't rely on him volunteering info) and dates.

If necessary keep going in with your record of what is happening and politely keep asking the school what their next step will be in handling it. If it hasn't been successfully addressed after your meeting with teacher on Monday, I should request that Head Teacher is at next meeting.

If the school can't get the Yr6 boy to stop I'd suggest mentioning the police. I know it sounds heavy handed but your DS shouldn't have to suffer if it is going to take any length of time to sort the older boy out. Ask if the Yr 6 parents have been informed and if it continues ask the school to tell the parents if there is one more incident you'll be contacting the police.

Thank you.

It is a lovely small village school and TBH I am really shocked that this is happening.

Keeping a diary is a very good idea.

I would hate to have to involve the police, especially as it is a small village so I have to see the boy's parents frequently.

Yes he might be jealous, or he might have other issues ...

One thing I did when my son was being tormented by another child at that age was invite the other child for tea. He started wanting to come again, and it seemed that the bullying was actually a way of getting my son's attention because he wanted some connection with him and to be in his life (if that doesn't sound too much like pop psychology!)

It worked for a while, long enough for the habit to be broken anyway, but his behaviour to other people didn't change, and so all the children, including my son obviously, continued to have to put up with him in class. But there are some kids with such complex issues that you have to get the school to monitor the situation.

The best situation I think is for the school to have a policy on bullying that is explained to the children in stages.

First the children need to know what bullying is.

Then they need to be told that they are being brave if they report it, and praised to the skies, because the bully usually suffers at least as much as the victim, and the fact that he is behaving in this way is often an indication that something is wrong - and he needs help. So people need to know about it.

Finally the children need to know how to report it. Lots of suggestions:

Tell a pal
Buddy system (older kids can sometimes help)
Tell a lunchtime supervisor
Tell a teacher
Tell a parent.

Teachers and assistants need training, obviously, and bullying has to be seen as something that affects everyone and something everyone can do something about. So you're doing a public service by reporting it and the bully gets the attention he needs - and again praised to the skies when his behaviour changes.

I would imagine that all/some of this is already happening in your child's school.

Hope I don't come across as a know-it-all. Good luck to you and your son.

Good advice from sarahfreck.

It's a different thing if you have to see the parents regularly. I would insist the school informs them each time their son does something. This is not one boy of the same age bullying someone his own age, it's someone 3 years older and more serious because of that. I do agree with sarahfreck's advise but from my experience the school's action has been ineffectual at actually stopping it so after a couple of months my only recourse was to mention the police. It stopped it dead. Good luck.

Thank you.

I think it would seem a bit strange if I invited the other child for tea as he is 3 years older than my son.

I have told DS1 that if anything happens he is to tell his class teacher and/or the Head (who is the other boy's class teacher) and also tell me when he gets home.

I assume that there is some kind of anto bullying policy in place in school, I suppose I will find out properly when I speak to his teacher.

Tabiotope, what did the police do, or did you just threaten to involve them? What happened next?

The bullying went on and on, my DS was more and more upset. The bully was spoken to so many times by the school. After one particular incident which left bruises I asked the school how long this was going to take, did the school's measures to combat it increase in terms of discipline and was told it could take months before they reached suspension stage so at the thought of my DS going through that I said please tell his parents one more incident I'll be taking it as assault and reporting it as such to the police. It stopped it dead. I was fully prepared for the school to deal with it in there way but it wasn't getting through to the boy and there came a point where I thought my DS shouldn't be suffering for this long and I did what I could to stop it.

sorry, can't spell tonight - their way not there way and advice not advise in an earlier post. The wine is having an effect already.

I don't think the police can charge a child with assault, can they?

Sounds like you and your son had a rough time - I'n glad it's over.

Sometimes schools have to tread carefully, but it doesn't sound as if they really addressed the issues. Do they have a policy on bullying? Do all the parents, teachers and children know what it is?

grannieonabike, I think all schools have to have a bullying policy. Not sure how effective they all are though, depends on the people enforcing it. If the child is over 10 I think they can be charged with assault or harrassment - it's the age of criminal responsibility (or maybe it's 11, can't remember). You only need to do something twice and it's harrassment.

Tabiotope: yes - no point in having a policy if it's not effective. Maybe they need to tell people about it.

domesticsluttery - I wasn't suggesting that you invite the boy home, especially given the age difference. But you see the boy's parents regularly - are they approachable? You need to find out why he's doing this. In a small village it's not easy to get away from people who are pestering you, so it's important that it is resolved quickly and effectively.

Anyway, I hope you manage to sort something out at the school on Monday. In the meantime, enjoy the weekend.

When something similar happened to my child I spoke to the class teacher. When it happened the next day I went to the Head and calmly expressed my conscerns. He sorted it out in an afternoon. So far it hasnt happened again but if it does I will go a step higher. There should be no need for time, it shouldnt happen and should be stopped immediatly.

Thank you.

I'm going to go and see his class teacher in the morning and explain (calmly) that he has been really upset over the weekend and doesn't want to come to school because of it, and ask what they will do about it. I know they have been trying to stop it last week, but it obviously hasn't worked.

Hopefully that will sort it out.

How did things go with seeing your DS's teacher?